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Humour - and then the fight started

berni888 Avatar
7y, 8m agoPosted 7 years, 8 months ago
Hope it's not been posted before.
berni888 Avatar
7y, 8m agoPosted 7 years, 8 months ago

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2 Likes #1
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...


My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed

the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to

the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The

wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the

radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,

and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road

and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,

well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY


So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3


I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace


so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my

wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have

to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my

curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

And then the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'

'Blimey!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
1 Like #2
lol...nice one. Repped for enlightening my miserable day. :)
Nice one.

I just had this sent to me:

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f***ing red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond!!!
like the one with the dwarf:-D
1 Like #5
rep added for some quaility jokes keep them coming :-D
lol - just sent this around the office
Made me giggle!! :w00t:
Cheered me up.....

It's snowing outside again!!!

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