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Humour - Blond Jokes

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Some oldies but still might raise a smile or two Read More
berni888 Avatar
7y, 1m agoPosted 7 years, 1 month ago
Some oldies but still might raise a smile or two
berni888 Avatar
7y, 1m agoPosted 7 years, 1 month ago
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#1
Two blondes living in Illinois were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

T-SHIRT

A blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. Tee-shirt.

'Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' tee-shirt on Monday?'

'Oh!' the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious t-shirt... I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front.''

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just poop in the carburettor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream..

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"


IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"


"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
#2
how do you kill a blonde?

put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool
#3
Alfonse
how do you kill a blonde?

put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool


I shouldn't laugh, but I did
#4
Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice carton?

Because it said Concentrate
#5
Q.What did the blonde say when the doctor informed her she was pregnant?

A. It isnt mine.
#6
Two Blondes walk into a building.............. you would of thought one of them would've missed.
1 Like #7
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home." POOF, she is gone. The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too." POOF, she
is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "What is the matter?" The blonde said, "I'm scared and lonely, I wish my 2 friends were here!"

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