I was just scraping 'I love Jammy Oliva' with an abnormally pointy pencil onto my stomach earlier, when - as though by psychic ability - Jammy himself sent me a mental message. He told me to preach the warning that KFC may not be using organic chicken, instead they use mutant chickens grown to sprout 8 wings, 4 legs and half a breast. He assured me he wasn't being hypocritical.
He warned me that the staff may not be the handsome professionals that they appeared. Instead they may be teenagers, that have fallen victim to spot-free cream scams. I briefly mentioned about cloths being left, swarming with bacteria. He said he was fine with this, as we should embrace bacteria not fear it. With the right lighting it's an environmentally friendly alternative paint for children to use - even if the lighting could lead to blindness.
According to the adverts it spread love last Christmas, causing ingesting customers to hand out chocolates to anybody that just so happened to ring the door bell. Up to the point of frustration. This apparently led to the giver overdosing on the winter blues, families broke down and their children became KFC addicts. Meanwhile each and every chocolate contained a special formula - not disimilar to the secret recipe that nearly every teenager knows - which caused each eater to buy KFC immediately.
This is far too stressful, I'm sure you understand.