im bored anyone got any jokes? - HotUKDeals
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im bored anyone got any jokes?

yvonne1174 Avatar
banned7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
lets hear them
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yvonne1174 Avatar
banned7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
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#1
Fulham...
#2
only rude ones lol
#3
gordon brown
#4
moyes
#5
What is E.T. short for?


he only has little legs.
#6
Staroffurby
What is E.T. short for?


he only has little legs.


aaah thats good lol
#7
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=2][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me. Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed,' When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Father Christmas' speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really screw, I'll have nothing left to live for.'[/SIZE][/FONT][/SIZE][/FONT]
#8
What E.T. stand for?

because there is no more chairs.
banned#9
my fav-

what do you call a fly with no wings?






a walk :-D
2 Likes #10
Does anyone else want to meet a police officer with the last name World?
#11
my fav joke...



What's red and sits in the corner?

































A. Very. Naughty. Strawberry. :roll:
#12
How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?


two but more to the point how did the ******s get in there?
#13
A G N B :

That's bang out of order.
1 Like #14
Two monkeys are in a bath, one says "OOooh Uh Ah Ah Ah" the other says "put some cold in if its too hot"
#15
A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it.

As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
#16
On the way to work this morning, I passed an RAC van. The bloke inside was sobbing uncontrollably, screaming and banging his fist on the dashboard. I couldn't help thinking: "This bloke is on his way to a breakdown."
#17
guy walks into a bakers shop and asks "that cake in the window-is it a doughnut or a meringue?"

girl behind counter "no,you are correct,its a doughnut"
#18
barky
guy walks into a bakers shop and asks "that cake in the window-is it a doughnut or a meringue?"

girl behind counter "no,you are correct,its a doughnut"


How bout?



Guy walks into a bar............
























Ouch.
banned#19
Geebers
On the way to work this morning, I passed an RAC van. The bloke inside was sobbing uncontrollably, screaming and banging his fist on the dashboard. I couldn't help thinking: "This bloke is on his way to a breakdown."


lol'd
#20
Two elephants fell of a cliff!

Boom, Boom!
#21
Teacher: "Suzie. Can you think of a sentence with the word 'contagious' in it?"

Suzie: "Well, when I get sick, Daddy takes me to the doctor to get better because I was contagious."

Teacher: "Very good! Johnny, can you give me a sentence with 'contagious' in it?"

Johnny: "Well, my Daddy and I were watching the guy next door paint his house with a regular paintbrush, Daddy said 'Whooo-it's gonna take dat cont ages to paint his house.'"
#22
Why don't prawns give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.
suspended#23
A guy goes into a Convenience Store and walks up to the counter

"Can i get a Kit Kat Chunky?"

*Person behind the counter gives him a Kit Kat Chunky*

"No i said i wanted a normal Kit Kat you fat *******!"
#24
Staroffurby
Two elephants fell of a cliff!

Boom, Boom!


http://i631.photobucket.com/albums/uu37/tigerallstars/HenryG.jpg
#25
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
suspended#26
Geebers
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
#27
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".

"I've been circumcised.", the other replied.

"What's that mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off the end."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was two days old."

"Did it hurt?", the kid asked inquiringly.

"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
#28
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
#29
I've got tourettes, I swear.
#30
A woman and her little boy were walking through a park in New York and they pass two squirrels having sex. The little boy asks his mum, "Mummy, mummy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass two dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they were doing. His mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of days later the little boy walks in on his mother and father and said "Mummy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, Mummy has mayonnaise all over her mouth!!!"
#31
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
#32
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
#33
DarkKnight
Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape


10/10 if her secret is aids :thumbsup:
#34
I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.
#35
Geebers
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ


¿ǝuo ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɥƃnoq noʎ
#36
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!
#37
tigerallstars
¿ǝuo ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɥƃnoq noʎ


¿punoɹɐ ƃu!oƃ ɯәႡʇ ɟo Ⴁɔunq ʎƃpop ɐ әq ʇsnɯ әɹәႡʇ ʞu!Ⴁʇ !
banned#38
livingthelife07
¿punoɹɐ ƃu!oƃ ɯәႡʇ ɟo Ⴁɔunq ʎƃpop ɐ әq ʇsnɯ әɹәႡʇ ʞu!Ⴁʇ !


wish i could type upside down, lol
#39
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol
#40
livingthelife07
¿punoɹɐ ƃu!oƃ ɯәႡʇ ɟo Ⴁɔunq ʎƃpop ɐ әq ʇsnɯ әɹәႡʇ ʞu!Ⴁʇ !


ou 'ɥo

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