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Is it possible to have a purely platonic friendship?

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Following on from Bella thread about what we love about men. I have always got on better with men rather than women and as such the majority of my friends are male. I have sadly lost a couple of… Read More
fireheaven Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
Following on from Bella thread about what we love about men.

I have always got on better with men rather than women and as such the majority of my friends are male.

I have sadly lost a couple of these friendships when new girlfriends have come on the scene and couldn't understand the nature of the friendship.

With the media constantly showing male/female relationships evolving into romantic relationships, many are convinced that a long-term, truly platonic friendship between the opposite sex just isn't possible.

What do you think?
fireheaven Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
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#1
As a man I would say yes its possible.

But the sexual/romantic thing would always be hovering about in the background.
#2
Possible yes but it depends on the bloke, most blokes have ulterior motives unfortunetly.
#3
modoc
As a man I would say yes its possible.

But the sexual/romantic thing would always be hovering about in the background.


I don't think so if the friendship has boundaries from the start - I could never think of my male friends in that way, as that would just be wrong :?
#4
"recollate your thoughts don't get caught up in the mix cause the media is full of dirty tricks"
#5
I have female friends who just dont do it for me in any sexual way at all, I think of them more as sisters I didnt have so any sexual thing would be just wrong anyway.
banned#6
Yes totally...I have female friends I have ZERO sexual interest in and once i start seeing them in a sisterly way there is no possible way i would go anywhere near sexually, whereas I could sleep next to them and it wouldnt bother me in the slightest
#7
depends..if ur ok mates then ur ok... but if ur best mates... will lead to inevitable.
#8
fireheaven
I don't think so if the friendship has boundaries from the start - I could never think of my male friends in that way, as that would just be wrong :?


I have female friends who I have known from school days etc. Maybe when we were younger I may have looked at them in a sexual way etc but now I just class them as mates. But tbh you can never say whats gonna happen in the future.
banned#9
asu;3055142
i prefer male company and YES..it is possible to be just pure friends with no ulterior sexual motives,
anyone agree with me?

yes :thumbsup:
#10
harlzter
I have female friends who just dont do it for me in any sexual way at all, I think of them more as sisters I didnt have so any sexual thing would be just wrong anyway.


Yep that is exactly how I see my male friends - I love them to bits but not in that way. Never have and never will

ODB_69
Yes totally...I have female friends I have ZERO sexual interest in and once i start seeing them in a sisterly way there is no possible way i would go anywhere near sexually, whereas I could sleep next to them and it wouldnt bother me in the slightest


:thumbsup: there is line you never cross and I think if both parties know and want it that way its cool. I have slept in the same bed, got undressed etc without thinking anything sexual. I treat and act the same as I do around my female friends
#11
ok...any of u ever had a very close mate of the opposite sex... like ur best best mate and not taken it to next level?
#12
fireheaven
I don't think so if the friendship has boundaries from the start - I could never think of my male friends in that way, as that would just be wrong :?


I think the point he was making was to do with the male side of things ...

A lot of men are players and I think it is possible , however feel that some men take advantage of it. I know one guy who proper pulls all the time with women who are his friends , they all think they can settle him down ...
used to work at our place , has lots of girl 'friends'
#13
magicbeans
ok...any of u ever had a very close mate of the opposite sex... like ur best best mate and not taken it to next level?



Nope never, not even got close. As others have said it just seems very wrong and tbh the thought would never cross my mind
banned#14
magicbeans;3055179
ok...any of u ever had a very close mate of the opposite sex... like ur best best mate and not taken it to next level?

yh i have, my friend Jess, used to go school together grew up and we did loads together, all the best gigs I ever went to were with her too, slept in same bed, everything...

nothing more than friendship though...yeah she was gorgeous, but to me it was like gorgeous in a sisterly way you know....not in an attraction way, admittedly for a while when I was younger I was confused about how I felt about her, but I always knew I didnt like her in that way really and nothing ever happened between us
#15
asu
i prefer male company and YES..it is possible to be just pure friends with no ulterior sexual motives,
anyone agree with me?


ODB_69
yes :thumbsup:


awww theyve copped for each other :thumbsup:...... as mates like :whistling:
#16
alnbowes
I think the point he was making was to do with the male side of things ...

A lot of men are players and I think it is possible , however feel that some men take advantage of it. I know one guy who proper pulls all the time with women who are his friends , they all think they can settle him down ...
used to work at our place , has lots of girl 'friends'



Yeah I fully understand that and you have actually it the nail on the head as to my reasons for starting this thread
#17
ODB_69
yh i have, my friend Jess, used to go school together grew up and we did loads together, all the best gigs I ever went to were with her too, slept in same bed, everything...

nothing more than friendship though...yeah she was gorgeous, but to me it was like gorgeous in a sisterly way you know....not in an attraction way, admittedly for a while when I was younger I was confused about how I felt about her, but I always knew I didnt like her in that way really and nothing ever happened between us


that sexiest avatar thread , has it been deleted
??????
banned#18
Nah, I've tried it and always failed miserably.

Its possible to have a plutonic relationship once the sexual part is out of the way. So my advice, have sex with them first, then just be friends ;-)
#19
ODB_69
yh i have, my friend Jess, used to go school together grew up and we did loads together, all the best gigs I ever went to were with her too, slept in same bed, everything...

nothing more than friendship though...yeah she was gorgeous, but to me it was like gorgeous in a sisterly way you know....not in an attraction way, admittedly for a while when I was younger I was confused about how I felt about her, but I always knew I didnt like her in that way really and nothing ever happened between us


well thats good....

at uni i didnt really see it that way...a lot of 'friends' were more than that... but then that is a bit of a different environment
#20
Foosball Chum
Nah, I've tried it and always failed miserably.

Its possible to have a plutonic relationship once the sexual part is out of the way. So my advice, have sex with them first, then just be friends ;-)


tis true!:p
#21
fireheaven
Yeah I fully understand that and you have actually it the nail on the head as to my reasons for starting this thread


I had a friend and it was purely platonic for a couple of years , wouldnt have gone near her, she was like a tomboy , after a few years though I was 17 and while revising for college , things started between us . nothing full on , just kissing ....it felt alright but the next day we both decided to cool it , we drifted apart as mates then , I regret the fact that i kissed her cos she was a good mate at the time , I never had any ulterior motive , it just happened.

I wouldnt be happy if lynds had a full on male friend as she didnt when we met.
I wouold also wonder if the fella was a player as I think lynds , like you fireheaven may not know the true feelings of the fella your mates with
#22
alnbowes


I wouldnt be happy if lynds had a full on male friend as she didnt when we met.
I wouold also wonder if the fella was a player as I think lynds , like you fireheaven may not know the true feelings of the fella your mates with



Most of my male friends I am secure with as I have known them so long but sometimes you do wonder.

The bf isn't overly happy with the male friends he doesn't know well but the ones I have had since school he doesn't have a problem with.
#23
fireheaven
Most of my male friends I am secure with as I have known them so long but sometimes you do wonder.

The bf isn't overly happy with the male friends he doesn't know well but the ones I have had since school he doesn't have a problem with.


thats my point , new friends you really dont know .....

Older friends ...well you dont but if they have never made a move in years then they are either gay or are probs genuine
#24
fireheaven
Most of my male friends I am secure with as I have known them so long but sometimes you do wonder.

The bf isn't overly happy with the male friends he doesn't know well but the ones I have had since school he doesn't have a problem with.


free film on freebies peeps , quick
suspended#25
thats a hard one babe ... i have a few male friends but when i have a boyfriend i dont like him having girlfriends lol i get too jealous .... hmmm i think male friends are much nicer than female ones personaly lol they dont biatch biatch :-D

i only have one female friend and thats my dog molly lol :p

and you fireheaven :thumbsup:
#26
alnbowes
thats my point , new friends you really dont know .....

Older friends ...well you dont but if they have never made a move in years then they are either gay or are probs genuine



Yeah but if its made clear its just friendship if they cross that line then the friendship is lost
#27
dont think ive ever really had a male friend who hasnt tried it on at some point or another, dont really talk to them anymore, plus i dont think my partner would be too happy if i was hanging round with them all the time, and at the end of the day he's more important and i wouldn't want to make him unhappy or feel bad, plus i dont think i would be too impressed if he was hanging around with girls all the time, he has girls who are his mates at work and see them on work nights out and things but nothing more than that, dotn think the sex of a person is important just what kind of person you are
#28
nicki3668
thats a hard one babe ... i have a few male friends but when i have a boyfriend i dont like him having girlfriends lol i get too jealous .... hmmm i think male friends are much nicer than female ones personaly lol they dont biatch biatch :-D

i only have one female friend and thats my dog molly lol :p

and you fireheaven :thumbsup:



Aww thanks honey :thumbsup: pleased I am in the same category as Molly doggie :giggle:

But, I do think that is why I get on better with men, I hate the biatching and back biting from women, although gay men are the worst
#29
fireheaven
Yeah but if its made clear its just friendship if they cross that line then the friendship is lost


aye , see your point , as long as made clear at the start , fine

Still think some men cannot be trusted and are very devious .....I used to be one :whistling:
#30
It was once explained to me that members of the opposite sex cannot be just friends. At least one of them must find the other attractive in some way. this neednt neceessarily be full on sexually attractive, it may be they are funny, very clever etc, but that spark of attraction can often lead to to a sexual relationship.

The only exception is if that other person thinks that, although they are not sexually attracted to you, by being friends with you they will be more sexually attractive to others. (ie they are not looking to you for sex, but by being friends with you they think they will be more attactive to the opposite sex and therefore get more sex somehow.) So this is still a sexual based attraction.

So all you people out there saying that you have male/female friends that you just couldnt think of sexually are either not being honest with yourself or the other person is the one attracted to you.

I dont know if this issue is stronger when you are young and becomes less important as you age. Not wanting to pre-judge, but I hope platonic relationships between my grandma and a gentleman are not always sex based ?
#31
alnbowes
aye , see your point , as long as made clear at the start , fine

Still think some men cannot be trusted and are very devious .....I used to be one :whistling:


Are you not a man now?? :? ;-)

But yeah you are right some men cannot be trusted to take advantage of a friendship but the same could be said for some women I suppose
#32
It's a toughy............I think it's possible but rare unfortunately. Sometimes I think u just don't realise the feelings u got although I have to say it, I do think a friendship usually ends because of the man more than the woman.
#33
fireheaven
Are you not a man now?? :? ;-)

But yeah you are right some men cannot be trusted to take advantage of a friendship but the same could be said for some women I suppose


Yeah , Still a man , but not the same man .......a better one :thumbsup:
#34
I think you can be mates with members of the opposite sex, but I cant think of any 'single' people particularly in my own circumstances.

Within the group of married friends, most of the ladies are undoutedly attractive, but not in a sexual sort of way if that makes sense. It just doesnt cross my mind as they are mates, as is their other half.!! I would have no problems stripping off at the beach etc in front of most of em...and likewise them probably me.

So yes - purely platonic is possible.

Caveat...I suppose it also depends on your state of mind in your own relationship. If everthing is cool then you are less likely to cross the boundary.
#35
Basically depends if the girl is good looking imo, if shes bang tidy then theres no way on earth the bloke isnt thinking about bedding her, thats the unfortunate truth about men im afraid girls, often they will be friends purely hoping it will lead to sex :thumbsup:
#36
kungfu
Basically depends if the girl is good looking imo, if shes bang tidy then theres no way on earth the bloke isnt thinking about bedding her, thats the unfortunate truth about men im afraid girls, often they will be friends purely hoping it will lead to sex :thumbsup:


I think age come into it too mate. I just dont have the 'rat up a drainpipe' mentality any more. Too old for that sh*t.
#37
kungfu
Basically depends if the girl is good looking imo, if shes bang tidy then theres no way on earth the bloke isnt thinking about bedding her, thats the unfortunate truth about men im afraid girls, often they will be friends purely hoping it will lead to sex :thumbsup:



Not if they are already in a happy relationship
#38
fireheaven
Not if they are already in a happy relationship


lol wrong, many men will agree with you on here but with me secretly in their mind :thumbsup:
#39
fireheaven
Not if they are already in a happy relationship


Agreed hun ^^^^
#40
kungfu
lol wrong, many men will agree with you on here but with me secretly in their mind :thumbsup:


This thread is a real shocker - men have minds :w00t: ;-)

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