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Joke Time

gR8_mUndA Avatar
banned6y, 11m agoPosted 6 years, 11 months ago
gR8_mUndA Avatar
banned6y, 11m agoPosted 6 years, 11 months ago

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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says "Yes sir."

The cop says, "Well next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." He then proceeds to issue the kid a £20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket, but before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well next year, tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Young college girl at the local greetings cards store.

Girl: Do you have any sentimental Love cards?

Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says: To the only boy I ever loved.

Girl: Great! I want 10 of them.
A woman goes into a dentist’s office, and after her examination, the dentist says, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.”
Horrified, the woman replies, “Oh, no! I’d rather have a baby.”
To which the dentist replies, “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair either way.”
A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.
When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,
"Nah dad my bum is still sore.
A middle-aged couple, Joanne and Bob, moved to Texas. Bob had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife "Notice anything different about me?"

Joanne looked him over. "Nope" she said.

Frustrated, Bob stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Joanne, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Joanne looked up and exclaimed, "Bob, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!"

Furious, Bob yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Joanne?"

"Nope", she replied.


Without changing her expression, Joanne replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. You shoulda bought a hat
a lady midget walks into the doctors and says i have a pain between my legs can you help me, he says sure hop on to the couch and lift your skirt up, so he takes a look and gets some scissors and goes between her legs, snip snip snip, and he says is that better and she says a little better, so he goes beyween her legs and goes snip snip snip, and he says is that better, and she says yes thats much better what have you done, and he says i've cut the top off your ugg boots, ha ha ha:thumbsup:
Pat and Mick are working on a building site, Pat says to Mick, I hate this job and want to goto to the pub. Mick says its hours yet till we finish our shift, Pat says dont worry I have a plan. Soon after Pat is in the rafters of the house shouting `I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb' The foreman walks in and tells Pat to get down and go home. Mick starts packing up his tools at the same time, the foreman says what do you think your doing. Micks says I am going home too. Its a health and safety risk in here with no light.

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