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Jokes

dean3988 Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
Anyone got any jokes
dean3988 Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
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#1
why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side :giggle:
#2
julie 2
why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side :giggle:


Fail.
#3
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. he grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks," How did you do that???? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!!!" The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. he drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him," You're really an jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
#4
Smart pants of the year!!!


6th Place

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied..




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5th Place

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'




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4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'




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3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.




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2nd Place

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.

A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab

And said to the driver,

'Got stuck, eh?'

The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'




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SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007


A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'


A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,


'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and s******ing.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,


'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
#5
dean3988
Fail.


whys that:?
#6
dean3988
Fail.


CLUCK CLUCK LOL:-D
#7
Also, If you've lost the will to get up tomorrow morning, look for Taasadas posts!

That should see you through the night!
#8
julie 2
CLUCK CLUCK LOL:-D


Once again, Fail.
http://time4fun.my5gb.com/wp-content/mini-031_fail.jpg
banned#9
Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket for a night and starved to death.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she stared at a Ford for an hour because it said "Focus."
Yo mamma's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo mama is so poor, she was running after a garbage truck with her shopping list.
#10
dean3988
http://time4fun.my5gb.com/wp-content/mini-043_fail.jpg

Once again, Fail.


never mind:roll:
#11
julie 2
never mind:roll:


Lol, at least you tried (barely)
1 Like #12
dean3988
Lol, at least you tried (barely)


i did my best i think you should give me some rep for that?:thumbsup:
#13
julie 2
i did my best i think you should give me some rep for that?:thumbsup:


If you say please
#14
a BIG PLEASE:-D
#15
A man runs a women over whos fault is it?
.
.
.
.
THE MANS what the **** he doing in the kitchen.
#16
dean3988
If you say please


Thank you x
#17
[CENTER]http://www.criticallayouts.com/images/rsgallery/original/omg-lmao-ag1.gif[/CENTER]

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