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Jokes

shosie Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
Havent heard a good joke in a while. Someone have one?

Let me know your best one lines.

Or anything make me laugh!!!
shosie Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
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(9) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
David Cameron.
#2
emasu
David Cameron.


Yep that works
#3
THE SITUATION:





You are in England , York to be specific.



There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane
with severe flooding.



This is a flood of biblical proportions.



You are a photo-journalist working for a major
newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this
epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.



You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some
disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.







THE T ES T:

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken
down with the debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar....

You suddenly realize who it is.... It's Gordon Brown!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him
under forever. You have two options:



You can save the life of Gordon Brown or you can shoot
a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting
the death of one of the country's most powerful men!





THE QU ES TION:



Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...














Would you select high contrast color film, or would you
go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
#4
Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... its male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive b*st*rd. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first? Because they want to.
#5
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'Gd Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, 'Very good'

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.
#6
skusey
THE SITUATION:





You are in England , York to be specific.



There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane
with severe flooding.



This is a flood of biblical proportions.



You are a photo-journalist working for a major
newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this
epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.



You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some
disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.







THE T ES T:

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken
down with the debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar....

You suddenly realize who it is.... It's Gordon Brown!
You notice that the raging waters are about to take him
under forever. You have two options:



You can save the life of Gordon Brown or you can shoot
a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting
the death of one of the country's most powerful men!





THE QU ES TION:



Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...














Would you select high contrast color film, or would you
go with the classic simplicity of black and white?



High contrast everytime :thumbsup: thanks
#7
http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1438490562
Take 10 mins to look at this, pretty amazing
#8
skusey
http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1438490562
Take 10 mins to look at this, pretty amazing


Thanks :thumbsup:
#9
skusey
http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1438490562
Take 10 mins to look at this, pretty amazing


Thought this was a Joke thread??

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