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Jokes - Post Some Here

Farsightboy Avatar
banned8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
2 Cowboys are talking about sexone say's
"I like the rodeo position best"
"I haven't heard of that say's the other, What it is?"
"Get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind, then cup each breast and whisper 'these feel just like your sisters'
Then try and hold on for more than 8 seconds!!
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Farsightboy Avatar
banned8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
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(29) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?





The Taste!
banned#2
:w00t:ha ha funny kidda:p
banned#3
Polish Immigrant goes to spec savers for an eye test,
Optician shows him a card with the letters
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
'Can you read that the optician says'
Polish guy replys read it? i bloody know the guy'
#4
Two me have been accidentally injected with curry powder

The first man now has a dodgy tikka

And the other is still in a korma
banned#5
imortal
Two me have been accidentally injected with curry powder

The first man now has a dodgy tikka

And the other is still in a korma


lol
banned#6
I lay upon a grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver.
I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

a short poem by Sir Paul McCartney
#7
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked OK for a 61 year-old.

In fact, she wasnt too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if Id ever had a Sportsmans Double.

Whats that? I asked

Its a mother and daughter threesome, she said.

I said, No - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: Mum, you still awake?
banned#8
Two women called at my door and asked what bread i ate, when i said white, they lectured me on the benefit's of brown bread for 30 minutes
'Bloody Hovis Witnesses!'
banned#9
imortal
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked OK for a 61 year-old.

In fact, she wasnt too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if Id ever had a Sportsmans Double.

Whats that? I asked

Its a mother and daughter threesome, she said.

I said, No - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: Mum, you still awake?


Ha Ha lol
#10
ctuk
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?





The Taste!


Eeeewwww :w00t:
#11
imortal
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked OK for a 61 year-old.

In fact, she wasnt too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if Id ever had a Sportsmans Double.

Whats that? I asked

Its a mother and daughter threesome, she said.

I said, No - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: Mum, you still awake?


That is great!!;-)
#12
Today, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing a gale.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad throughout the day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my stupid husband is
out golfing in that s**t
#13
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. About a half hour later, the doorbell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"
banned#14
imortal
Today, I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee,
grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car,
and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing a gale.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad throughout the day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my stupid husband is
out golfing in that s**t


lmao great joke!!
banned#15
SunTzu
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. About a half hour later, the doorbell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"


lol old one but still good.
#16
An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning

“I’m sorry, but I’ll not be able to come in today as I’m too sick.”

On hearing this his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage: “Well, just how sick are you?”

“Well” the employee sighed, “I’m in bed with my sister!”
banned#17
SunTzu
An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning

“I’m sorry, but I’ll not be able to come in today as I’m too sick.”

On hearing this his exasperated boss could barely conceal his anger and retorted in a rage: “Well, just how sick are you?”

“Well” the employee sighed, “I’m in bed with my sister!”


lol
#18
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose...

...still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young female student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies "I don't know sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet!"

He struggles to ask again "Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from worry she overcomes her worry and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: "Thank you very much. That was wonderful but listen very, very closely.

Are-My-Test-Results-Back?"
#19
He he he - very good Sun Tzu :-D
banned#20
SunTzu
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose...

...still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young female student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies "I don't know sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet!"

He struggles to ask again "Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from worry she overcomes her worry and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: "Thank you very much. That was wonderful but listen very, very closely.

Are-My-Test-Results-Back?"


lmao :w00t:
#21
At breakfast a father is asking his three daughters what their plans are for the day.
The first one says, 'I'm meeting Rolf and we're going to play golf'
The second says, 'I'm meeting Denis for a game of tennis'
The third says, 'I'm meeting Chuck...'
'Oh no you're not!' says Dad.
#22
What's Brown and Sticky?


A Stick!
#23
What's Orange and sounds like a Parrot?


A Carrot!
#24
richhock - it has to be said those "jokes" are terrible!!! :roll:
#25
I got some you'd like rich.

What has 4 legs but can't walk/




A Table!
#26
I know lots.....
What has a bottom at it's top??


A leg
#27
SunTzu
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose...

...still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young female student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed the young nurse replies "I don't know sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet!"

He struggles to ask again "Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from worry she overcomes her worry and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then she takes a close look and says "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: "Thank you very much. That was wonderful but listen very, very closely.

Are-My-Test-Results-Back?"


that had me laughing my ass off!! :-D
#28
ha ha!!!!
#29
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting

woman walked into Wal-Mart with her

two kids, yelling obscenities at them all

the way through the entrance.



The Wal-Mart Greeter, Paul Spangler,

said pleasantly 'Good morning, and

welcome to Wal-Mart.



Nice children you have there. Are they
twins?'



The ugly woman stopped yelling
long enough to say, 'Heck no they
ain't twins.'



The oldest one's 9 and the other
one's 7. Why the heck would you
think they're twins? Are you blind,
or just stupid?'



'I'm neither blind nor stupid,
Ma'am,' replied Paul. 'I just
couldn't believe someone made

love to you twice.



'Have a good day and thank you
for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

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