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Know any good jokes ????

thomasc123 Avatar
7y, 7m agoPosted 7 years, 7 months ago
Any good Jokes ????
thomasc123 Avatar
7y, 7m agoPosted 7 years, 7 months ago

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(19) Jump to unreadPost a comment
ok i'll start....

Q. What do you call a woman who burns her bills??? ......

A. Bernadette
If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?
None I can put on here without getting suspended.
Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says, "You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again." He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the ocean parts.

Jesus sees this and says, "I'm going to try to walk on water again." He walks up to the water, takes a step on top and sinks.

Moses says, "Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while." Jesus tries again, and once more, he sinks.

Jesus comes out of the water and says, "I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet."
I must admit im struggling for clean ones... jokes that is, not pants.
Let's test the way you think :-


Did you read 'the pen is in her mouth'?

Nah, me neither.
Jed Maxwell;4694431
I must admit im struggling for clean ones... jokes that is, not pants.

Most of the jokes that will be on here will be pants!
1 Like #8
How do you get a fat person in to bed? Piece of cake.
Elisabeth Fritzl:

It's all over now, sweetie. You might as well take some time to yourself and try to move on.

Why not go see a movie or something to take your mind off it all?

Have you heard they made a sequel to Ghostbusters?
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,


'Damn !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'By'Jeebers.... I'm a little crocked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No damn' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ' Damn it ' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was really crocked. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.

The page wont load......

Only joking!:-D
knock knock......
A young boy had just
gotten his driving permit.
He asked his father,
who was a minister,
if they could discuss his use
of the family car.
His father said to him,
"I'll make a deal with you.
You bring your grades up,
study your bible a little,
and get your hair cut,
then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back
and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son,
I'm real proud of you.
You have brought your grades up,
you've studied your bible diligently,
but you didn't get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment
and replied, "You know dad,
I've been thinking about that.
You know Samson had long hair,
Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,
and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied,
"Yes son,
and they walked everywhere they went!"
love ur jokes banana79........that was hilarious.......
1 Like #16
Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You
have to answer them quickly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second
person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!
You're not very good at this are you?

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do
NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30..add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.

What is the total? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day.

Maybe you will get the last question right?
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2 Nene,3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the Question again.
knock knock......

Who's There?
Who's There?

Dr Who :w00t:

A woman once asked for me for a double entendre........................................................

So I gaver her one!

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