Knoy any jokes involving jam? need to cheer up a friend! - HotUKDeals
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Knoy any jokes involving jam? need to cheer up a friend!

jakaraka Avatar
9y, 2m agoPosted 9 years, 2 months ago
Folks I need a hand in finding a joke involving Jam! Not dirty please, want to put a smile on a friends face who's having a bad time at the moment...
jakaraka Avatar
9y, 2m agoPosted 9 years, 2 months ago
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banned#1
i dont know any jokes involvong jam, but if i did it would probably make your friend cry because it just wouldnt be funny.
1 Like #2
A man was very lonely, so he wanted to get a pet. He went to the pet shop and the man there took him around the shop to try and find the pet he wanted. The man didn't like any of them until the pet shop owner showed him a hamster. The pet shop owner said "This is a special hamsterwhen it dies you can make really good raspberry jam out of it."


So the man thought this sounded good and bought the hamster.
Next day the hamster died.
The owner was annoyed, but he remembered the pet shop owner comment, so he decided to make raspberry jam out of it. The next morning he ate the jam with his toast for breakfast. It tasted so horrible that he spat it out of the window, then through the rest of the pot out as well.
The next day there were lots of bright red tulips out growing outside the window.

The moral of the story is --- Tulips from Hamster-jam !
1 Like #3
I was driving along yesterday when a lady driving one of those new Skoda Fabias drove into my vehicle.

I got out to exchange details. There was sponge, jam and jelly everywhere.....
#4
Haha thanks for the jokes people!
#5
Iom-RF
I was driving along yesterday when a lady driving one of those new Skoda Fabias drove into my vehicle.

I got out to exchange details. There was sponge, jam and jelly everywhere.....


Thats been on here before MR!
#6
Silentgirl!
Thats been on here before MR!


Yeah, I think its a rubbish joke, Someone might find it funny though! :giggle:
#7
Silentgirl!
Thats been on here before MR!


Ya :) I posted it!
banned#8
Silentgirl!
Thats been on here before MR!

yeah i remember that too, but i had completly forgot about it till iom posted it again
#9
precisely!!! IOM = copycat :lol:
#10
Silentgirl!
precisely!!! IOM = copycat :lol:


Ah but you like cats........., So thats good....... :)
#11
Iom-RF
Ah but you like cats........., So thats good....... :)


Are you saying i like you? :giggle:
#12
Silentgirl!
Are you saying i like you? :giggle:


Hopefully..... :oops:

You make a fuss of cats.......right? :-D
#13
Yeah, your alright ;-)

I like cats yes, at least my cat hopes I do! :whistling:
#14
Silentgirl!
Yeah, your alright ;-)


Woohoo!

Did I mention i'm down your part of the world in October......... ;-)
#15
Iom-RF
Woohoo!

Did I mention i'm down your part of the world in October......... ;-)


Oh really?! Where?
#16
How does bob marley like his donuts?

With Jammin
#17
Silentgirl!
Oh really?! Where?


Sherbourne ;-)

Nah, Going to Southhapton which isn't that far away! :giggle: ;-)
#18
Thats mile away, although I might be able to smell you if the wind direction is right.
#19
Silentgirl!
Thats mile away, although I might be able to smell you if the wind direction is right.


Only 60 odd miles away......
#20
Iom-RF
Only 60 odd miles away......


God, i'll be able to hear you too!!! :giggle:
#21
Silentgirl!
God, i'll be able to hear you too!!! :giggle:


Yeah, You'll hear my purr! :-D
#22
Iom-RF
Yeah, You'll hear my purr! :-D


:lol: :lol: if you are purring then you are happy so i wont have to come rescue you! :lol:
#23
Not totally about jam (and not all that funny), but I'll let you decide:

The French Foreign Legion is marching through the desert, as they are wont to do. Unfortunately, their navigation leaves something to be desired. By the time they realise how lost they are, their water supplies are all but exhausted. Deciding their best chance of survival is to keep walking straight in the direction of the coast (many miles away) and hope to hit civilisation, they ration their water as well as they are able. Despite their best efforts, the precious supplies dry up far too soon.

Marching along in the beating afternoon sun, the men become dehydrated and irritable. One cries out "Tents! Up ahead", but this is dismissed as a mirage. After a few minutes, the regiment realises that it is, in fact, not a mirage, but a small gathering of tents in the middle of the desert! They run to it, the hope of water providing extra strength even through their exhaustion.

Reaching the shade of the tents, they discover it's a small produce market. They cry out in joy "We made it!" Approaching the nearest stall, they observe it sells puddings.


"Have you any water?" they ask.
"No, I have no water. I sell only these puddings of sponge. With jam, sometimes cream."
"You're out in the desert and you have no water?" they ask, incredulous.
"Clearly you have no water, yet I do not question your decision. I sell puddings" he waves his hand across the stall.

Somewhat stunned, they move onto the next stall.

"Have you any water?"
"No. I sell many puddings with sponge, jam, and custard." Glancing down in dismay, they see that he also is selling these strange sweet dishes.
"Never mind" they say, and carry on into the market.

After several minutes, they have approached every stall. Not one of them has any water, and each one sells these puddings. Puddings, nothing but puddings. Baffled and thoroughly demoralised, they realise there is no help for them here and resume marching.

As the tents shrink in the distance behind, one soldier among them turns to his companion and remarks "well, that was a trifle bazaar."



was it worth the read? ;-)
#24
:roll: dfhansen:roll: made me chuckle!:giggle:

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