Leaving flowers at the scene of a death.............. - HotUKDeals
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Leaving flowers at the scene of a death..............

michelleleemoo Avatar
7y, 8m agoPosted 7 years, 8 months ago
..................why would you not go back and remove them when they are dead?

I really do not understand this and it makes me feel so sad. I think if you cared about someone to leave flowers in the first place why leave them there rotting, surely its a contradiction. I always think when I see this 'dont they care'

Does that make sense? Ive seen this at 2 different spots to day and just makes me sad.
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michelleleemoo Avatar
7y, 8m agoPosted 7 years, 8 months ago
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#1
I can see how it can look that way, the only time I left flowers after a road death I had to travel 50 miles to do it so it wasn't very likely that I would go back to remove them when they died.
#2
maybe it depicts what is happening to that person? passing from the living to the dead?

But more serious...depends i believe on the person, the distance...and of course honest caring
#3
If they area is well maintained, say a grave then the dead flowers are usually removed. If the area is just say a lamp post then they're usually left there as that is the only thing that signifies that the area is one of memorial. The flowers could be replaced weekly but it's not very practical and I certainly wouldn't want someone doing that every week for me when I pop my clogs.
#4
I meant lamp posts and railings mainly and i know its not always possible for the individual to remove but, well, it just looks so sad

maybe ive just got my sensitive pants on
banned 1 Like #5
It's not a lack of caring it's a lack of time. The flowers usually die so very quickly outside. I regularly take flowers to my son's grave and it nags at the back of my mind that they're there and dead but life goes on and it's more important for me to be spending time with my living son than always being at my dead son's graveside. It sounds harsh but he's dead he doesn't know the flowers are dead. It's the thinking of him and putting them there that counts.
#6
Some idiot died across the road from me. Theres still rotting flowers there. Completely ruins the path.
banned#7
im not trying to sound uncaring but i think these things should be stopped really, do people leaving them there realise what a distraction this is for drivers
#8
deathtrap3000
Some idiot died across the road from me. Theres still rotting flowers there. Completely ruins the path.


I didnt mean it like that :x and I hope I havnt upset anyone.

maybe the councils should allow plaques or something along those lines, there is one on a tree near me.
#9
deathtrap3000
Some idiot died across the road from me. Theres still rotting flowers there. Completely ruins the path.


sassie
im not trying to sound uncaring but i think these things should be stopped really, do people leaving them there realise what a distraction this is for drivers


great minds and all that, eh? :roll:
#10
michelleleemoo
I didnt mean it like that :x and I hope I havnt upset anyone.

maybe the councils should allow plaques or something along those lines, there is one on a tree near me.


There was a motorbike death on Mapperley top near me, There has been a motorbike helmet gaffer taped to a telegraph pole since. Looks awful.
banned#11
bitseylango
There was a motorbike death on Mapperley top near me, There has been a motorbike helmet gaffer taped to a telegraph pole since. Looks awful.


Gaffer taped or impaled?

Look inside next time.
#12
bitseylango
There was a motorbike death on Mapperley top near me, There has been a motorbike helmet gaffer taped to a telegraph pole since. Looks awful.


Ive seen that. I know its not about anyone else's sensitivities but I just dont get it, does that make me a horrible person :oops:
#13
FilthAndFurry
Gaffer taped or impaled?

Look inside next time.


definately gaffer tape, but it looks like......you know.....there could be a head in it :?
#14
think yourself lucky people actually care...a guy was stabbed to death last week round the corner from me (thankful im moving this weekend!) and there were no flowers at all...
#15
bitseylango
There was a motorbike death on Mapperley top near me, There has been a motorbike helmet gaffer taped to a telegraph pole since. Looks awful.


Theres a bike helmet at the memorial near me too.

Guy was speeding and trying to get some girls to notice him before ploughing into a lamp post.
Stuff like that shouldnt be remembered or memorialised.
#16
michelleleemoo
Ive seen that. I know its not about anyone else's sensitivities but I just dont get it, does that make me a horrible person :oops:


not at all, TBH that one really looks terrible. I think the flowers should be removed after a week or so, especially if it looks like they arnt going to be replaced. But I guess that could end up offending someone.
#17
I don't know if it's wise removing flowers...people might assume you're stealing the flowers and being disrespectful.

I understand where you're coming from but I think leaving the flowers is to signify there passing and show respect but people can always place some fresh flowers on top. :thumbsup:
#18
awoodhall2003
think yourself lucky people actually care...a guy was stabbed to death last week round the corner from me (thankful im moving this weekend!) and there were no flowers at all...


Thats awful. I understand the whole leaving flowers thing and all its just when they're dead and left there.
banned#19
On the one hand, it can make roads look messy.

On the other hand, free flowers for the missus.
#20
bitseylango
not at all, TBH that one really looks terrible. I think the flowers should be removed after a week or so, especially if it looks like they arnt going to be replaced. But I guess that could end up offending someone.


Yes I think its a tricky one. There are 3 spots along wells road, 1 being a plaque on a tree and the others regularly have flowers there but I never see dead ones, someone cares enough to move them even if they dont always replace them.
#21
I don't get why people leave flowers, teddys or shirts etc like seen at may high profile memorials, or at roadside crashes as stated in this thread with motorcycle helmets. Why?

I mean sure you are paying your respects but the person is dead and gone.
If heaven forbid i died, I wouldn't want anyone wasting money buying flowers or any other trinket and putting them on the ground for me or spending as someone else said time traveling 50 miles to a place i died when that time could be better spent elsewhere. Of course i would like to be remembered but to me doing that sort of thing just seem silly to me, am i the only one?
banned#22
Where do you draw the line at memorials??
You could have flowers/cards/teddybears everywhere........toilets,supermarkets,planes or trains....people die anywhere you know(not blaming them, they can't help it)
I cannot stand to see them to be honest, should be in the churchyard where it's more personal.
#23
Jetpac
I don't get why people leave flowers, teddys or shirts etc like seen at may high profile memorials, or at roadside crashes as stated in this thread with motorcycle helmets. Why?

I mean sure you are paying your respects but the person is dead and gone.
If heaven forbid i died, I wouldn't want anyone wasting money buying flowers or any other trinket and putting them on the ground for me or spending as someone else said time traveling 50 miles to a place i died when that time could be better spent elsewhere. Of course i would like to be remembered but to me doing that sort of thing just seem silly to me, am i the only one?


I wouldnt want those things for me either
#24
Jetpac
I don't get why people leave flowers, teddys or shirts etc like seen at may high profile memorials, or at roadside crashes as stated in this thread with motorcycle helmets. Why?

I mean sure you are paying your respects but the person is dead and gone.
If heaven forbid i died, I wouldn't want anyone wasting money buying flowers or any other trinket and putting them on the ground for me or spending as someone else said time traveling 50 miles to a place i died when that time could be better spent elsewhere. Of course i would like to be remembered but to me doing that sort of thing just seem silly to me, am i the only one?


oh god I'd want the road renaming after me! Not really but something that was maybe a bit more, I dont know, permanent perhaps :thinking:
#25
michelleleemoo
Thats awful. I understand the whole leaving flowers thing and all its just when they're dead and left there.


i think he was a homeless guy staying at one of the shelters about a mile away, its sad. I just hope the murder inquiry goes well...
#26
Jetpac
I don't get why people leave flowers, teddys or shirts etc like seen at may high profile memorials, or at roadside crashes as stated in this thread with motorcycle helmets. Why?

I mean sure you are paying your respects but the person is dead and gone.
If heaven forbid i died, I wouldn't want anyone wasting money buying flowers or any other trinket and putting them on the ground for me or spending as someone else said time traveling 50 miles to a place i died when that time could be better spent elsewhere. Of course i would like to be remembered but to me doing that sort of thing just seem silly to me, am i the only one?


It's a bit academic for the person who has died! But it does help with the grieving process to visit the place where someone you were to close to died.
#27
rose_cat_jr
It's a bit academic for the person who has died! But it does help with the grieving process to visit the place where someone you were to close to died.


I do get that it helps the grieving process i just don't get why things need to be left.
I just don't understand, especially when it comes to people like jade goody or the girls from the soham murders or the Hillsboro' disaster you get loads of people leaving trinkets, many of whom never had any connection to those involved.

I don't want to seem insensitive but it just totally baffles me!
And the ones on the roadside are just downright dangerous to be honest.
#28
Jetpac
I do get that it helps the grieving process i just don't get why things need to be left.
I just don't understand, especially when it comes to people like jade goody or the girls from the soham murders or the Hillsboro' disaster you get loads of people leaving trinkets, many of whom never had any connection to those involved.

I don't want to seem insensitive but it just totally baffles me!
And the ones on the roadside are just downright dangerous to be honest.


I don't think it's just that...you have to remember it's not just to pay respect to the dead but to show something for the people they've left behind in the process.

You'd be surprised how much comfort it can provide for the friends and families that have been left in the aftermath.

I actually believe disasters bring people and communities together and although I wouldn't wish it on anyone...it really does make you appreciate life and the people important to you and is a constant reminder never to take people you love for granted. :)
#29
I dont wish anyone to think Im heartless so I hope I havn't come across like that. Just makes me feel sad.
#30
my friends six year old was killed and they put real flowers there for birthdays and christmas and artificial for those times they would like them there longer .it maybe a distraction for drivers but when someone dies there its the last time they where really here alive i mean thats why people do it.my friends six year old never made it to hospital.
#31
Morbid this.

Here are the flowers left for Lady Di..

http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/07kG5tn6uscbP/610x.jpg
#32
I think a ribbon tied would be nicer...

The flowers alive or dead make me even more cautious.
banned#33
linw
my friends six year old was killed and they put real flowers there for birthdays and christmas and artificial for those times they would like them there longer .it maybe a distraction for drivers but when someone dies there its the last time they where really here alive i mean thats why people do it.my friends six year old never made it to hospital.


yes but would anyone (including your friends family) want another child to die by a motorist distracted by the flowers, i dont think so, your not from shrewsbury by any chance are you
#34
Butterflies
I think a ribbon tied would be nicer...

The flowers alive or dead make me even more cautious.


Yes I like the ribbon idea :thumbsup: although i'll probably moan when they get tatty too :oops::?
#35
no but sometimes it warns and slows down other drivers so they dont make the same mistake and no one else dies
#36
This has been a big debate in my family recently as a school boy was knocked over and killed about 2 months ago and we all have different opinions. I understand why people leave flowers at the scene but I think it is very disrespectful to leave them to rot and die (although until now I had never thought about how far people might travel so they could be unable to clean them up once dead) The thing I don't understand is why, once the person has been put to rest, people then contiune to leave them at the scene rather than go to the grave where they actually are. The school boy was killed on an industrial estate and there has been a bench put there as a memorial, but who wants to sit on an industrial estate with lorries and cars rushing about to remember someone??? I hope I am never in the same position, however I still feel gravesides are the best place to pay respect.
#37
I've thought about the importance of flowers a great deal.

Before my son died, I used to hate cut flowers, spending money on something going to die... seemed ridiculous. I am a pragmatist at heart.

Then I lost my son and suddenly the realism of life and death and the completeness of what it is to be dead and gone smacked me full on the face. I'd lost other people before, my grandmother, my mother... but no grief is as painful as the death of a child.

People felt sorry for me and gave me bunches of flowers....bouquet after bouquet. They want to show you they care and they are sorry. I could hardly bear to look at them, I'd express gratitude and thanks... and then as soon as I could, I'd throw them into the nearest bin. Just seeing flowers was pain.

Waste of money? I no longer cared. Money doesn't matter. Not saving it, not spending it. It's all irrelevant.

And then slowly.. I began to like flowers.

Death teaches you. You only have THESE moments. This is IT.

If you die tomorrow... or someone you love does. It's all there is. Finito. Completely. All gone.

So you have to cherish the beauty of life while it lives.

When the flowers die, it's irrelevant. The fact is they lived and for that moment, they were beautiful and full of life.

There's comfort for some in that xx
1 Like #38
linw
my friends six year old was killed and they put real flowers there for birthdays and christmas and artificial for those times they would like them there longer .it maybe a distraction for drivers but when someone dies there its the last time they where really here alive i mean thats why people do it.my friends six year old never made it to hospital.


This point is important. It may seem disrespectful to some to leave the flowers to die. I believe it is part of the grieving process to see the life fade away, in this way. I hope there are some who can understand that.

And I know in this world of stark realisms, the importance of the PLACE of death may be lost on some. I visit my sons grave... but I do not feel him there. I do feel my memories and the sense of my own grief, past and present. But he is not where I left saw his body buried.

I gave birth a year and a day precisely ( perhaps the timing was co-incidence, God or just the extremity of my emotion ) following the death of my son to a miniture replica of him. Somehow I was in the same ward and near enough the same bed.

I've never felt my son at his graveside, never felt his spirit there. But I felt him in that hospital giving birth with me where he had died, the extreme nature of giving birth perhaps, the solidity of my own grief and fears.

The place where someone passes is important to the bereaved.

It's not a question of the flowers being "upsetting" to others or distracting in some way.

Grief is important to the bereaved. Not to the onlookers.
#39
ClarityofMind
This point is important. It may seem disrespectful to some to leave the flowers to die. I believe it is part of the grieving process to see the life fade away, in this way. I hope there are some who can understand that.

And I know in this world of stark realisms, the importance of the PLACE of death may be lost on some. I visit my sons grave... but I do not feel him there. I do feel my memories and the sense of my own grief, past and present. But he is not where I left saw his body buried.

I gave birth a year and a day precisely ( perhaps the timing was co-incidence, God or just the extremity of my emotion ) following the death of my son to a miniture replica of him. Somehow I was in the same ward and near enough the same bed.

I've never felt my son at his graveside, never felt his spirit there. But I felt him in that hospital giving birth with me where he had died, the extreme nature of giving birth perhaps, the solidity of my own grief and fears.

The place where someone passes is important to the bereaved.

It's not a question of the flowers being "upsetting" to others or distracting in some way.

Grief is important to the bereaved. Not to the onlookers.


i completely agree with you i lost my baby grandson and i go to his grave but i know he isnt there i go to the hospital where he was born and lived for 39 days and i feel him there .if people are so easily distracted then maybe they should'nt be driving.but most people who drive wont really notice them .
banned#40
At my work a gentleman had a heart attack as he drove up to the entrance he managed to park the car up before dying. His family have been replacing the flowers on a nearby lamp post for over 2 yrs now. It makes me think he was really loved by them.

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