Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with
the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I
hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond
What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P
Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only
had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my
son with the same name who lives with us. Close call.
What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved
one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some
The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a
flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story
Why Don't NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their
attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue
serving them fat f***ers? its hardly fair.
Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What
about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about
galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius
How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'n' word on his multi-million
selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's
football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law
for the rich and another for the poor
They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I
regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV
in my local.
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking
world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose Capital
cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina (Buenos
Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia(Belgrade). China changed the name of
Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will show a
little more imagination in this century.
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down
We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to
the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London
beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the
actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately
left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France , then North
Africa ,Italy , France (again) and finally Germany . The shame will always be with us.
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East
End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero
by the people of London . That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the
Luftwaffe. Werner Hoffman, Munich .
I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young
people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up
boards telling us motorists where they lead to.
Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon
on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.
So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I
know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.
I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in
the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?
Sincerely yours, R Benitez