Light hearted banter to get the blood flowing (newcastle Vs Sunderland - HotUKDeals
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Light hearted banter to get the blood flowing (newcastle Vs Sunderland

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quick joke against the mackems How do you know when a Mackems burgled your house? 1. The fridge is empty 2 Your dogs pregnant Think you have a joke about us geordies lets here it , be nice t… Read More
H3AD SH0TZ Avatar
banned8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
quick joke against the mackems

How do you know when a Mackems burgled your house?

1. The fridge is empty
2 Your dogs pregnant

Think you have a joke about us geordies lets here it , be nice to hear whats beingsaid about each other, lets not get worked up just for fun!!!
H3AD SH0TZ Avatar
banned8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
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banned#1
oh come on sunderland folk you cant all be in bed....... with your sisters :whistling:
#2
lol this thread is a bit rich isn't it seeing as at the moment Newcastle are a total joke


Here is a message for the whining, whingeing, self-pitying, self-indulgent and deluded fans on Tyneside, otherwise known as the Toon Army: Kevin Keegan is not the Messiah; Alan Shearer is not an aspect of the trinity; Mike Ashley is not the Devil; Tony Jimenez is not on the secret payroll of Sunderland; and Dennis Wise is not an evil dwarf.

Newcastle United are not a “massive” club and do not have a divine right to remain in the Premier League; St James' Park is not the world's greatest stadium; and, in case you were wondering, your team will not break into the top four any time soon, with or without Ashley, Keegan, Wise or any of the other men who are heroes, villains and sometimes both in the febrile imaginations of the world's most whimsical supporters.

Oh, and you are not the most loyal, valiant and wonderfully dependable fans on the planet. Check out the attendances when Newcastle were languishing in the second division at the start of the 1990s and you will get the measure of the myth that has clung to the black-and-white-shirted men and women for far too long. That's right, they were often much fewer than 20,000 and with the Gallowgate end partially deserted. Is that what you call loyalty?

The banners castigating Ashley for being a southerner during Saturday's comically self-important protest were the final straw for many of us who have long endured the tedious soap opera on Tyneside. That and the ill-informed, conspiracy-laden and melodramatic messages posted on the dozens of message boards that these fans seem to spend their lives reading.

Where is the gallows humour, the sense of irony, the satirical edge? Where is the old-fashioned self-mockery that characterises most other groups of English football fans when their team are having a bad time of it?

The only way that Newcastle fans are ever going to be truly happy is when they have formed a collective to buy the club and have made a pig's ear, as they inevitably would, of a kind that would make Freddy Shepherd's last remaining strands stand on end. When they have rehired Keegan to manage the team, Shearer to be his assistant and the ghost of Jackie Milburn to do the scouting. When they have got control of the club and discovered that their own volatility makes it practically ungovernable.

Sure, passion and commitment are great things and we all know that in a big city with only one football club, there is bound to be a siege mentality and more than a little self-absorption. But many Newcastle fans have turned navel-gazing into an art form. They need to get out more and discover that their beloved club, who have not won a trophy for decades, are virtually unknown beyond these shores. They need a little perspective, not least in terms that passion does not equate to knowledge, nor does enthusiasm equate to expertise on how to run a football club.

This is a group of fans who agitated for the sacking of Sam Allardyce after only six months because the football was not pretty enough, even though he had put in place a much-needed science support structure and cleared out the dead wood from the Shepherd era. These are fans who want nothing to do with Ashley because he is from “down South” and because he insisted on a continental scouting system to support a manger who, by his own admission, had not attended a live match for three years and so was the last person who could have done the scouting job.

Sure, mistakes were made by Ashley, not least in the appointment of Keegan - something that was bound to end in tears - and in spheres of responsibility not being properly spelt out to the main protagonists. But let's get real. The fundamental problem with Newcastle is no longer the corporate management, but those who used to be described as the club's greatest assets: the fans - or at least those who are making all the noise at present.
banned#3
lol wondered how long it would take before football was mentioned
#4
H3AD SH0TZ
oh come on sunderland folk you cant all be in bed....... with your sisters :whistling:


lol like it :thumbsup:
banned#5
Keegan offered to send the Newcastle squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open top bus

Whats the difference between a washing machine and a lass from Newcastle?
You can dump your load in a washing machine and it wont follow you around for a week.

A Geordie is walking his 3 legged dog when he finds a magic lamp, he rubs it and a genie pops out.
Genie - I am the genie of the lamp and I grant you one wish.
Geordie - Could you make my dog win Crufts.
Genie - What ? with three legs, no chance mate, wish again.
Geordie - Could you make Newcastle win the UEFA Cup ?
Genie - Let's have another look at that dog.


A blind Mackem enters a Geordie pub by mistake. He finds his way to the bar and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the landlord: "Hey, you wanna hear a joke about the Geordies?"
The pub falls absolutely silent.
The lad next to him says: "Before yer tell us yer joke bonnie lad, there's a few things yer shud knaa:
1 - The landlord is a Geordie.
2 - The booncer is a Geordie.
3 - I'm a 6ft 6in taall, 220-poond Geordie with a black belt in kerartee.
4 - The lad sitting next to us is a Geordie, and is a pro weightlifta.
5 - The lad to your reet is a Geordie, and is a pro wrestla.
Noo, think aboot it seriously, marra. Do you still wanna tell yer Geordie joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares:
"Nah...not if Ah'm gonna have to explain it five times."


Newcastle United have just announced that this year's Nativity Play has been cancelled.
This is because the Messiah has ****ed off and the only have one Wiseman and eleven donkeys
banned#6
H3AD SH0TZ
oh come on sunderland folk you cant all be in bed....... with your sisters :whistling:


Where have you gone? Are you trying to learn how to spell Boycott correctly?
#7
so meaaaaaaaaaaan!!
but i guess its same jokes but different ppl targeted! hehe
banned#8
colinsunderland
Where have you gone? Are you trying to learn how to spell Boycott correctly?


original ( you coming to bed) << collin your sisters shouting for you
banned#9
H3AD SH0TZ
original ( you coming to bed) << collin your sisters shouting for you


I'm too busy with yours at the moment :thumbsup:
banned#10
colinsunderland
I'm too busy with yours at the moment :thumbsup:


strange i'm the only child lol must have got yourself confused ... i hear incest does that to you
banned#11
H3AD SH0TZ
strange i'm the only child lol must have got yourself confused ... i hear incest does that to you


Well i have to go to bed now as i have work to go to tomorrow

Work = employment (as its probably an alien concept to you) :p
banned#12
colinsunderland
Well i have to go to bed now as i have work to go to tomorrow

Work = employment (as its probably an alien concept to you) :p


i've been working since i left school , Network technician thank you very much (funnily enough in sunderland) whats your line of work burgler/car thief??
banned#13
ahem someone's went quiet ... Sister must be pestering him
banned#14
H3AD SH0TZ
i've been working since i left school , Network technician thank you very much (funnily enough in sunderland) whats your line of work burgler/car thief??


shoplifter I'll have you know, don't tar me with the same brush as those type of scum :-D

No decent jobs in Newcastle then that you have to come here? :thumbsup:

H3AD SH0TZ
ahem someone's went quiet ... Sister must be pestering him


sorry i didn't reply within 4 minutes :-D
banned#15
NNight colin mate , NNight colin's sister :roll:
banned#16
lol
night :)
banned#17
colinsunderland
shoplifter I'll have you know, don't tar me with the same brush as those type of scum :-D

No decent jobs in Newcastle then that you have to come here? :thumbsup:



sorry i didn't reply within 4 minutes :-D


ha ha i aint really got a problem with you mate as the thread suggest light hearted fun , was having problems at home got kicked out job came up and took it met a nice girl (sunderland) moved intogether but she keeps asking me if her brother can move in (whats up there!) lol but seriously what line of work you in fella?
banned#18
H3AD SH0TZ
ha ha i aint really got a problem with you mate as the thread suggest light hearted fun , was having problems at home got kicked out job came up and took it met a nice girl (sunderland) moved intogether but she keeps asking me if her brother can move in (whats up there!) lol but seriously what line of work you in fella?


i know, was just joking too ;-)
So you steal our jobs and girls :)

I have a couple of online stores selling completely different things to each other, which I'm not allowed to mention on here (self promotion), and do boot sales and markets for something to do at the weekends. Opening a stall in jackie whites market (in bridges) in next couple of weeks too.
banned 1 Like #19
oh look the 'lets expire and spam threads for no reason' idiots are out tonight
banned#20
colinsunderland
i know, was just joking too ;-)
So you steal our jobs and girls :)

I have a couple of online stores selling completely different things to each other, which I'm not allowed to mention on here (self promotion), and do boot sales and markets for something to do at the weekends. Opening a stall in jackie whites market (in bridges) in next couple of weeks too.


cool man hope you make a sucess of your new venture so what types of items will you be selling, random/electronics etc
banned#21
[QUOTE=colinsunderland]oh look the 'lets expire and spam threads for no reason' idiots are out tonight[/QUOT]
probably by GF brother cos i've rumbled them lol :-D

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