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LOOOOOOOOL Wut!!!!

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banned6y, 7m agoPosted 6 years, 7 months ago
.

OK, this is unashamedly ripped from an email just received and copied and pasted....... but I found it amusing anyway! (Yes, yes, I know... little things please little minds...)



THINGS THERE ARE JUST NO ANSWER TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


DID YOU EVER STOP AND WONDER....................

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


STOP SINGING AND READ ON..............

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



.
guv Avatar
banned6y, 7m agoPosted 6 years, 7 months ago
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(16) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
:-D that made me laugh..
#2
ha ha some good ones there thanks.
#3
lol even i was singing, then the damn thing told me to stop, stupid post :-D
#4
Good one
#5
What is the speed of darkness?

As darkness is the lack of light, it's instantaneous, as soon as the light has stopped arriving. :P


If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?


Lol, I actually thought about this the other day. Your perception of warmth is relative to your body temperature, so there must be some temperature (I'd imagine somewhere around 15C) where you don't feel cold or warm. So at 0C, twice as cold would be ~30C. Things are further complicated because your perception of cold is also affected by the wind.
banned#6
InfernoZeus
As darkness is the lack of light, it's instantaneous, as soon as the light has stopped arriving. :P



Lol, I actually thought about this the other day. Your perception of warmth is relative to your body temperature, so there must be some temperature (I'd imagine somewhere around 15C) where you don't feel cold or warm. So at 0C, twice as cold would be ~30C. Things are further complicated because your perception of cold is also affected by the wind.


I dont think you were supposed to sit and analyse these too much! :w00t:
#7
guv
I dont think you were supposed to sit and analyse these too much! :w00t:

I realised :( I admit they were quite funny, but I didn't really sit there and analyse them, I've actually thought about it in the past :S
banned#9



Nooooooo... I actually believed you too when you said you weren't analysing them! :w00t:
#10
guv
Nooooooo... I actually believed you too when you said you weren't analysing them! :w00t:

That's not analysis, just a mere bit of research :P
#11
I would have thought fairly obviously the difference between a fridge and a freezer is that with a fridge you generally have everything sitting on shelves and you'll look at the items on the shelves and make your choice then requiring a light to assist. With a freezer however all the items are stored in drawers which you need to slide out first to check through which can be illuminated by the standard room lighting. In addition the freezing temperature would reduced the effectiveness of any fitted light in the freezer due to the misting up.

The rest of the points I don't think are particularly good in this case as there's too many obvious reasons - kamikaze pilots wore helmets because it wasn't just a direct, trouble-free flight to their target and therefore the lack of a helmet could mean the pilot failing to reach his target.

John
banned#12
Nooooooooooooooooo :w00t:
#13
LOL I liked those
#14
THINGS THERE ARE JUST NO ANSWER TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He's actually a she

What is the speed of darkness? 0

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Zero


DID YOU EVER STOP AND WONDER......................................

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? My freezers got a light in.
banned 1 Like #15
Is this a quiz? Cool!

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
[COLOR="Red"]He shaves.[/COLOR]

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
[COLOR="Red"]In case they get hurt.[/COLOR]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
[COLOR="Red"]Because pressing harder makes it work better.[/COLOR]

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
[COLOR="Red"]As a punishment for going overdrawn.[/COLOR]

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
[COLOR="Red"]Because it's easier to check if the paint is wet than it is to build a rocket, fly to space and count the stars.[/COLOR]

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
[COLOR="Red"]Otherwise it would be lip. And that's not a speech disorder. It's a part of the face.[/COLOR]

What is the speed of darkness?
[COLOR="Red"]Depends what car they're driving. (You meant the Rock Band right?)[/COLOR]

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
[COLOR="Red"]Because when babies are actually asleep, they look cosy. Babies being awake has nothing to do with the concept that they sleep well.[/COLOR]

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
[COLOR="Red"]No. [/COLOR]

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
[COLOR="Red"]Zero. Bare in mind that zero celsius is actually 32 degrees fahrenheit so twice as cold would be 0 fahrenheit.[/COLOR]

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
[COLOR="Red"]Depends if they smoke or not.[/COLOR]

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
[COLOR="Red"]We had bigger arms back in the sixties.[/COLOR]

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
[COLOR="Red"]They wouldn't be able to see stuff on the ground without the binoculars.[/COLOR]

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
[COLOR="Red"]A dairy farmer.[/COLOR]

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
[COLOR="Red"]Eggs come from the chickens 'vent' through the cloaca, not the arse.[/COLOR]

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
[COLOR="Red"]Depends on the thickness and temperature of the bread.[/COLOR]

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
[COLOR="Red"]My freezer has a light in it.[/COLOR]

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
[COLOR="Red"]Maybe they need to wash their wrists?[/COLOR]

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
[COLOR="Red"]Decorum.[/COLOR]

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
[COLOR="Red"]Goofy is a talking dog. Obviously more advanced, possibly through natural selection, than Pluto..... who woofs.[/COLOR]

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
[COLOR="Red"]Tests.[/COLOR]

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
[COLOR="Red"]Usually Mineral Oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Acetate and Fragrance.[/COLOR]

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
[COLOR="Red"]No.[/COLOR]

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
[COLOR="Red"]The alphabet song is a cover of Twinkle, Twinkle litter star. The latter, is in my opinion, the superior work.[/COLOR]

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
[COLOR="Red"]If they are hungry, yes.[/COLOR]

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
[COLOR="Red"]Most possibly because he thinks you'll blow in his face again.[/COLOR]

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
[COLOR="Red"]Yes. Proven fact.[/COLOR]

What I win, what I win?
#16
funny thread guv, the tears are rolling down my face and I have just read it again, aloud, to a friend
and johnny two toes, you defo deserve a prize, how about a nice white jacket that ties round the back, you loon :-D:-D

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