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Man walks into a bar.....

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hammer1time Avatar
7y, 6m agoPosted 7 years, 6 months ago
........
hammer1time Avatar
7y, 6m agoPosted 7 years, 6 months ago
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Comments/page:
#1
he says ouch!!
#2
lol, ur getting around a bit this monring:p
#3
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j232/ZuesTriton/weed.gif
#4
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.

To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.

"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.

Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.

"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
#5
sadiebabes
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j232/ZuesTriton/weed.gif


:lol:
#6
rofl!!
#7
Charlie Scene
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.

To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.

"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.

Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.

"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."


lol, like that:lol:
#8
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
#9
A guy goes into a bar, and sees another guy with a fancy bottle in front of him, and a little man one foot tall playing the piano. So he asks about the fancy bottle - "it's a genie bottle, but he only grants you one wish." He says, "do you mind if I try?" The man says, "be my guest, but be careful what you wish for, the genie is a little hard of hearing - I ended up with this 12" pianist."
#10
A man walks straight into a gay bar.
#11
Horse walks into a bar, barman says "why the long face?"
#12
Man walks into a bar, ask for a glass of water, barman quick as a flash points a gun at him, the man thanks the barman and leaves.
#13
A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck,
goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."
#14
hammer1time
he says ouch!!


u say....hurrah i hit my 5 post quota to tk part in the comp! :thumbsup:
#15
Charlie Scene
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.

To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.

"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.

Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.

"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."


:thumbsup:
#16
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender
figures that a kangaroo probably isn't very economically aware, and
charges him $50. The marsupial orders a beer next time, and is charged
$60. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the better of him. He
casually remarks, "You know, we don't get too many kangaroos in here."
The kangaroo replies, "At these prices, no wonder."
#17
Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted.
#18
A dog limps into a wild west bar and says 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw'
#19
MikeL
A dog limps into a wild west bar and says 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw'


grooooooooooooannnnnnnn :thumbsup:
#20
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you
don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the
duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What
are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the
duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn
more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from
his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich,
bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to
him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck
that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer,
eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business
card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying
really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in
caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in
the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman..

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says ....

" What the hell would they want with a plasterer???.
#21
A man walks into a bar, sits down next to another man and immediately notices him writing with very large Bic pen.

The first man says, "Wow, cool pen... where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish," the man replies.

"Great, can I try it?," says the first man.

"Sure," he says .

The first man rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish," says the genie.

The man says, "I want a million quid!"

"Done" says the genie and he disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly, the bar door swings open and in fall hundreds of squids.

"I can't believe this," says the man, "I asked for a million quid, not a million squid!"

The second man replies, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"
#22
robin hud
A man walks into a bar, sits down next to another man and immediately notices him writing with very large Bic pen.

The first man says, "Wow, cool pen... where did you get it?"

"A genie from a bottle granted me one wish," the man replies.

"Great, can I try it?," says the first man.

"Sure," he says .

The first man rubs the bottle and the genie appears.

"You are granted one wish," says the genie.

The man says, "I want a million quid!"

"Done" says the genie and he disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly, the bar door swings open and in fall hundreds of squids.

"I can't believe this," says the man, "I asked for a million quid, not a million squid!"

The second man replies, "Do you really think I wished for a 12" Bic?"


lol!!
#23
Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the barman "Give me a Gin and ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Tonic"















The barman says "Why the big paws?"
#24
Man goes into the bar and asks for a double entendre so the bar man gave him one

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