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Marriage ~ I do OR I dont!

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What is everyones view on marriage? There is a 10% drop in marriages in England and also a 7% drop in divorces. How important is marriage these days? Read More
karmakaren Avatar
9y, 9m agoPosted 9 years, 9 months ago
What is everyones view on marriage?
There is a 10% drop in marriages in England and also a 7% drop in divorces.
How important is marriage these days?
karmakaren Avatar
9y, 9m agoPosted 9 years, 9 months ago
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#1
I've always thought the expenses that would of put people off, but it didn't put my cousin off three weeks ago and hes 27 :)
#2
If I had kids i'd want to get married, Its a sign that you truly love that person to pieces and want to spend the rest of your life with them.
#3
Iom-RF
If I had kids i'd want to get married, Its a sign that you truly love that person to pieces and want to spend the rest of your life with them.


It depends how you get on with people, I couldn't spend my life with the same person, don't think it'd work. But can't knock it till you tried it :)
1 Like #4
I don't think it makes any difference between youselves if you married or not unless you kind of relgious.
I don't get the couples marrying in a church when they never step into a church any other time and prob won't again unless a christening or funeral.
Parents wanting their child christened,they tend to go to church for so many sessions,they have the ceremony and then they don't step inside again.
When you got children tho,people will call you Mrs,I'm always correcting them saying I'm Miss.... I'm not married to the father.
For us makes no difference,we have talked,maybe eventually we may get married in a registry office,but for moment,even the cost of that seems not worth it if money is not plentiful and we rather spend it on something else.
Me & my partner been together now since 1996,and we have 2 children.I don't think any1 frowns upon on for having children and not being married as they can see we have a good relationship without it down on paper or in the eyes of God as some call it.
I don't understand this white dress business,isn't it a sign of purity to wear the white dress,you know what I all mean,just keeping it clean thread.Or do some people just wear white cos its a tradition.
I see 1 advantage of getting married and taking my partners surname,I wouldn't have to spell it out over the phone or when I'm in some appointment arranging something lol.Everyone asks and how are you spelling that.
People say getting married you make committments to each other for life,but in a way we feel we already done that forever it lasts.having children is the biggest commitment in our eyes,I mean you get married,you can divorced,you can't get rid of a child that easily can you?
I imagine we going be together a lifetime,its already been discussed,if my partner goes b4 me,I'm to play Metallica - One at his funeral :)
#5
I think marriage is a great institution although some people maybe just get married without really considering the consequences and don't take it as seriously as they perhaps should. Is it all about the BIG DAY or the lifelong committment????
banned#6
it wont last dont do it :-D
#7
Personally I dont see the point in marriage, you can commit to one person without a ring and a piece of paper to prove it..but agian, it is personal choice.
#8
I've been with the misses for 8 years - she wants to get married, I dont - I dont see the point in it ???

I win :)
#9
Marriage is now just a piece of piece of paper that doesn't change anything but changes the way people behave, most of which is negative.

Marriage is no longer a life long commitment and I'm still yet to meet a couple that are still married (everyone I know is in a casually committed relationship or divorced) and if they've been together for more than a decade, then you can already see, there's friction between them that eventually leads to divorce or live together but have become so distant, they're not together.
#10
I know quite a few people who have been together for years, kids etc and decide to make it official and get married and then within 12 months they are heading for a divorce. I can never understand what changes.

BTW been with my O/H for 15 years, not married and with no intentions to do so although he has been mentioning it alot :?
#11
Being in a committed relationship,whether married or not,takes understanding and compromise.

Marriage is more than just a piece of paper,if you want it to be.It is personal choice whether you marry or not,for some it does not seem important,for others it does,but it should make no difference on whether the couple stay together or not.

You either want to make a relationship work or you don't.
#12
I.ve been married now for 14 years and still believe in marriage. i value the promises we made.

most of our friends who didn't marry have separated, yet oddly enough they have then gone on and married new partners quite quickly. its as though because their unmarried partnership failed they now believe marriage can make the new relationship stronger.

one of my friends has married her partner after 10 years together because their kids became concerned that they were not a "proper" family and hated mum having a different surname. they are very much a proper family but kids can be very sensitive to things like this.
#13
People are no longer frowned upon for cohabiting and having children out of wedlock which is why marriage is no longer seen as an 'essential' way to family life. My mum married my dad 26 years ago because she was pregnant and her parents were appalled. They are now separated and almost divorced.

Although I still believe in marriage I think it is wonderful the way society has changed and people can make their own choices about how they live and with whom.
#14
Got to say that have found reading most of these comments kind of depressing!

1) Marriages & weddings are completely seperate things so for those who argue that it's the expense that puts people off, you're missing the point. A wedding can cost as much or as little as you want. Marriage 'costs' you nothing (well in monetary terms at least) - though actually because of the skewed tax system you can actually end up slightly worse off than if you lived apart (especially if you have children!).

I am friends with our local vicar. We had a discussion on this very subject the other week. He was telling me how many people's wedding celebrations seem to be getting more & more elaborate (and expensive). We discovered that it was those who were living together already who wanted to have the most elaborate weddings and honeymoons whilst those who were going to start life as a married couple after the wedding seemed to go for much simpler/cheaper weddings. Our reasoning was that those who are already living together have to 'make' something 'special' happen ... after all, if you're doing everything a married couple do already then there's nothing particularly to look forward to except the day itself. For those who will be starting some sort of new life together, the wedding isn't as exciting as the prospect of the marriage. Reviewing his 'case load' of marriages, this proved to be an almost 100% accurate assessment. His own son is getting married this weekend ... no fancy do, no limousines, no elaborate entertainment ... costing £100's rather than £1000's. Was the same for myself 7 years ago. Had a fantastically happy day. Don't envy those who spend a fortune and give them loads of stress because they feel they have to do something to make the event special rather than the day being special because they are starting a brand new chapter of life.

2) Those who say "it's just a piece of paper" ... well so is money!! It's not the paper that's important, it's the public declaration of your promises that it is a record of. In the same way that our cash carry's a promise from the bank of England. I think it's indicative of our society where making promises or swearing oaths mean nothing to people. People seem to have no scruples about lying - even in such a public and solemn setting.

3) You can commit to someone in private that's true. But here's a fact about human nature, when we commit to something publically we are more likely to keep to it because we have made ourselves accountable.

4) Every society from the earliest records we have, have some sort of marriage institution. I think we dismiss 1000's of years of human civilisations collective wisdom at our peril.

5) The fact that people's behaviour does seem to change once they are 'officially married' (i.e. legally) reflects the fact that there is something psychological that goes on once people make public declarations of commitment. It's almost as if a sub-concious level of security is reached.

6) This whole Hollywoodism of marriage - the idea that marriage is simply about some sentimental feeling of love is utter trash. That's why we are getting to the stage where just about anyone or anything can marry anyone or anything! If you love someone you should be able to 'marry' them. Marriage is about security, protection, commitment, and stability - particularly for the raising of children.

7) The statistics regarding the benefits of marriage are absoutely overwhelming - for the couple and particularly for children.

Oops!! Sorry for the essay ... once I get on my hobby horse I just can't stop!! :?
#15
Ok. This is mu opinion.

Many say it is just a peace of paper, and living together should be enough if you truly love that person that should be enough for the commitment. To me that ring and that piece of paper mean a lot more.
Its easy to break a commitment but that ring and paper certifies it in my eyes.
Yes it can be easy enough to get a divorce these days but that ring and paper mean to me that you should at least give it one more shot to make things work.

The day my fiance asked me to marry him - just over two years ago now - meant the world. I'm offically his girl and he's proud enough to shout that from the rooftops. We won't get married for a while yet - money and other factors but just having that engagement ring means the world.
#16
well said shieldsy!!! :thumbsup:

But are you saying that children who's parents are married are in some way 'better off' than if they had cohabting parents?? If so, I completely disagree. Children can even be stable and have security if their parents are separated. Any research I have states that it is in fact the 'break up' that causes the child's distress rather than the missing parent from the family home. If parents care for their children and keep them out of any separations - not using them as pawns against one another - the child will be in no worse a situation than the child with married parents. Remember children are very resiliant and flexible. They would put us 'adults' to shame sometimes
#17
Becksdawe


Many say it is just a peace of paper, and living together should be enough if you truly love that person that should be enough for the commitment. To me that ring and that piece of paper mean a lot more.



I have to agree with that. It is a lot more than "just a piece of paper" to some people - if you look at it like that then, no, you shouldn't get married & that's your personal decision...
#18
Even if it was a few £100 to get married,cost of the registry office,a small hall hire,food,cake afterwards I would rather spend the money on something else simply cos money is short.
#19
I married my hubby in May & even if it meant us going without things for a while it was more important for us to get married. For me, I just think it's the ultimate commitment, I might be a bit old fashioned with that but it meant a lot to me to marry my man & take his name! :)
#20
Don't do it..............!!
#21
I love being married. :)
It depends on the individual though doesnt it like everything. Some people want to be married others dont feel the need.
#22
Iom-RF
If I had kids i'd want to get married, Its a sign that you truly love that person to pieces and want to spend the rest of your life with them.



quite right iom,even if the marriage breaks then at least you have tried.
Security within a happy loving family is priority.
[mod]#23
I enjoy being married. But each to their own. :thumbsup:
#24
dont do it... waste of money... symbolising your love can be done in so many other ways.
#25
TropicanaX
dont do it... waste of money... symbolising your love can be done in so many other ways.



I valued marrying my husband more than spending a few hundred pounds... But as I said before... It's down to personal decision...
#26
Wedding doesnt have to be expensive.Friend of mine recently done it on a budget of 1,500 and that was EVERYTHING! yet another friend paid 16k! How pathetic but each to there own.
#27
Amounts like that are shockingly ridiculous lol
[mod]#28
pcnutta
yet another friend paid 16k! How pathetic but each to there own.


Mine cost just more than that, but i can afford it so where's the harm?? If you have money spend it, if you don't don't.
#29
Gosh, that's a lot of pennies! But you're right... If you have spend it, if you don't then don't... It no one else business really! lol
#30
Marriage : Best way to spoil a great friendship :)
#31
http://imgs.t-shirts.com/clipartitems/medium/156306.jpg

lol :) Marriage is a great idea... it just is.
#32
My opinion is that its down to personal choice - I was thrilled when I got married it made me and my husband a family and when we went on to have children we all shared a family name. This was important to me at the time.

Fast forward 7 1/2 years........... I am divorced (very happily) and with my new man - My 2 boys still have there dads name, i have my maiden name and my BF has his name - My unborn child will also have my BF's name........Are we still a family. Of course we are. and so marriage is not the be all and end all.

Good luck to those who do......and good luck to those who don't.:-D
#33
pcnutta
Wedding doesnt have to be expensive.Friend of mine recently done it on a budget of 1,500 and that was EVERYTHING! yet another friend paid 16k! How pathetic but each to there own.



16K shocking.sort of money most people would like to put down on a deposit for a house not just for a wedding day/honey moon,don't tell us,that didn't even include the honeymoon.
#34
Syzable
Mine cost just more than that, but i can afford it so where's the harm?? If you have money spend it, if you don't don't.



double shock!!
[mod]#35
Mum2Connor&Cerys
double shock!!


:giggle:

It was good though........and it did include the honeymoon. We booked the whole hotel overlooking Rutland Water for the weekend and our reception lasted 2 days and all the guests stayed in the rooms. Great fun. Expensive but well worth it. :)
#36
im doing it for 5k and am more than happy had budgeted it for 9k so i can buy some more stuff from this site lol
#37
Another happily married here! I was with Mr Biscuits for 5yrs before we made it official, I love being married, we had a great wedding day and we've been married for 5 years now, nobody can predict the future as to wether a marraige will last, but for me being married gives me a sense of stability and confirmas our devotion to one another. Some may say it's just a piece of paper, and they'd be right, but that piece of paper is a legally binding document and as with all legal documents it takes a while to get out of so I do believe marraige is something you have to be absoloutely sure of before entering into it. It's not just about the wedding day.
#38
Mr Bubbles wanted to get married, I wasn't fussed TBH
BUT
Even though I'm not fussed about marrage I belive in that level of comitment. I didn't need the ring and paper to show it but Mr B did and now I'm very glad I'm married (6 years in dec) I was with Oh for 4 years before that and my feelings still havn't changed.

(Disclaimer: these comments are not due to the previous poster :giggle: )
#39
mmmmm, I'm ancient :giggle: :giggle:
#40
Crazy1
mmmmm, I'm ancient :giggle: :giggle:

Yes dear we know....

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