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Marriage Tales (very funny) MORE ADDED!!!

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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, Or get married and wish you were dead. __________ At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your we… Read More
Bikebarbie Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead.
__________

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________
When a woman steals your husband,
There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
A man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________
If you want your spouse to listen and
Pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
They had no faults at all.
__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive
Him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death'
__________
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
Blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
Overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband
Gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on
The sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the
End of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick,
We'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'
Bikebarbie Avatar
8y, 10m agoPosted 8 years, 10 months ago
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Comments/page:
#1
Made me smile!

:thumbsup:
#2
nice one.
#3
Forwarded that to the hubbys works email, do you think he will get the hint!? :p
banned#4
last one WORKS
#5
Like em!:thumbsup:
#6
[COLOR="Blue"]I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
[COLOR="Black"]David Bissonette[/COLOR]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
[COLOR="Black"]Sacha Guitry[/COLOR]

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
[COLOR="Black"]Hemant Joshi[/COLOR]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. [COLOR="Black"]Socrates[/COLOR]

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
[COLOR="Black"]Dumas[/COLOR]

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
[COLOR="Black"]Sigmund Freud[/COLOR]

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
[COLOR="Black"]ALPHEUS[/COLOR]

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
[COLOR="Black"]Henny Youngman[/COLOR]

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
[COLOR="Black"]Sam Kinison[/COLOR]

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
[COLOR="Black"]James Holt McGavran[/COLOR]

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
[COLOR="Black"]Patrick Murray[/COLOR]

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
[COLOR="Black"]Nash[/COLOR]

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
[COLOR="Black"]ALPHEUS[/COLOR]

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
[COLOR="Black"]Henny Youngman[/COLOR]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

[COLOR="Black"]Rodney Dangerfield[/COLOR]

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
[COLOR="Black"]Milton Berle[/COLOR]

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
[COLOR="Black"]ALPHEUS[/COLOR]

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

THE BEST CONTRACEPTIVE FOR A WOMAN IS TO GET MARRIED!!!!!!![/COLOR]
#7
Just come across this and love it!!!

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