An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of
Montecassino went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional,
The man said, "Father ... During World War II, a
Beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood
Knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her
From the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you
Did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me
With sexual favours. This happened several times a week,
And sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "By doing that, you placed yourselves
In great danger. However, two people under those
Circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness
Of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your
Actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind.
But I do have one more question."
"And what is that, my son?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks.. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and
he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. . .
Wait for it. .
It's coming. .
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
"You just happened to catch my eye."
It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started walking
5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know
where the hell she is!
Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst
part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the