MORAL DILEMMA: How would you feel if you foundout your baby wasn't yours? - HotUKDeals
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MORAL DILEMMA: How would you feel if you foundout your baby wasn't yours?

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As I flicked through the channels, I crossed paths with a talkshow with the couple both doubting if the baby belongs to the father and I thought that was terrible. The girl cheated on his partner b… Read More
realfriendlyman Avatar
8y, 2m agoPosted 8 years, 2 months ago
As I flicked through the channels, I crossed paths with a talkshow with the couple both doubting if the baby belongs to the father and I thought that was terrible.

The girl cheated on his partner because he doesn't treat her the way she feels she deserves and told him a month after the birth about her doubts but what do you think?

How would you feel if you're the guy in the relationship, what would that do to your relationship and most importantly...will you still be there for the child?

If you're female, how would you feel holding something like that inside you without telling anyone and do you think she was right to mess around with other guys?
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realfriendlyman Avatar
8y, 2m agoPosted 8 years, 2 months ago
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#1
nutty question hon?

This would burn the insides out of any human being it happened to, would break a mans heart to find out his child wasn't his, and burn a woman to the quick to lie like this.....

If I was the man I'd be busting that womans ass for not telling the truth sooner so I could have decided whether to be there for her throughout the pregnancy. And if I was the woman I'd have had to fess up the first moment I'd made a mistake... or preferably realise not to do it in the first place!!

Of course she wasn't right to mess around. When could that ever be right? She shoulda spoke to her partner about her feelings and placed her worries with him and seen if he could have eased her concerns.

The child has a right to know who his father is. Whether the mother or the possible father I'd be interested in making sure the child had the full info he would need when growing up to be able to form his full accurate identity.
banned#2
thats what you get for watching Jeremy Kyle..............
#3
Being female, I would have dumped his ass and so the whole situation would not arise as to any doubt if he is the dad. Further more if she had that kind of doubt she should have just had a dna test done shortly after the birth and save the child and father the embarrassment.
#4
Be grateful as I don't plan on having a baby just yet
#5
Dump the girl, don't see the kid. No Dilemna.
#6
dimebars
thats what you get for watching Jeremy Kyle..............


lol :-D like that ...
#7
LOL, I weren't watching it but I was checking the footy teletext and heard it on in the background.

The guy said he's been supporting her throughout the pregnancy and has already created a bond but needless to say, after they both doubted the baby belongs to the father, it actually was his. :)

I would hate to be in that position and really despise people that have slept around while in relationships, especially if they fully intend on remaining in that relationship as well.
#8
thesaint
Dump the girl, don't see the kid. No Dilemna.


What if the kid is really his child? is it fair on the child?
banned#9
I'd go on a tacky national tv show and forfeit my self-respect.
#10
Nemz
What if the kid is really his child? is it fair on the child?


That's not the question that was asked?
#11
realfriendlyman
LOL, I weren't watching it but I was checking the footy teletext and heard it on in the background.

The guy said he's been supporting her throughout the pregnancy and has already created a bond but needless to say, after they both doubted the baby belongs to the father, it actually was his. :)

I would hate to be in that position and really despise people that have slept around while in relationships, especially if they fully intend on remaining in that relationship as well.


See that Saint.... who would lose out? the innocent child... i would hate to be a friend of yours because your advise is nuts.
#12
Nemz
What if the kid is really his child? is it fair on the child?


he doesn't mean that lol

He means if it isn't his child he would dump em both.
#13
thesaint
That's not the question that was asked.


Yes, she obviously messed up but my main concern is with the child.
banned#14
Nemz
See that Saint.... who would lose out? the innocent child... i would hate to be a friend of yours because your advise is nuts.


I don't there is a dilema in this. He has none. :thumbsup:

RFM - is there something you need to tell us?
#15
realfriendlyman
LOL, I weren't watching it but I was checking the footy teletext and heard it on in the background.

The guy said he's been supporting her throughout the pregnancy and has already created a bond but needless to say, after they both doubted the baby belongs to the father, it actually was his. :)

I would hate to be in that position and really despise people that have slept around while in relationships, especially if they fully intend on remaining in that relationship as well.


Awful just for the few momtns of sleeping around she earnt herself several months of worry concern and stress just when she needs to feel at her most content.

I think that for every mistake we make through life we have to earn it back a thousandfold.

I'd never leave my hubby even if our marriage became totally dead. I'd work at it to get the whole thing back on track no matter the drivel that goes along with that.
#16
Nemz
See that Saint.... who would lose out? the innocent child... i would hate to be a friend of yours because your advise is nuts.


That commented you quoted was after mine. It sounded like the OP was stating that the "father" found out a month after the birth that she had cheated, and had another mans child.




btw It's "advice" not advise.
#17
thesaint
That's not the question that was asked?


I know that but it actually involve 3 people not just the two idiots ... who are the parents.

:thumbsup:
#18
thesaint
That commented you quoted was after mine. It sounded like the OP was stating that the "father" found out a month after the birth that she had cheated, and had another mans child.




btw It's "advice" not advise.


It's okay. Most of us realised thats where you were coming from x x
banned#19
Nemz
Yes, she obviously messed up but my main concern is with the child.


Forget the kid - if he ain't your's then you've got no responsibility. You could probably sue to get any monies that you've spent on it, based on deception.
#20
i actually feel sorry for men, on this rare occassion.
They cant ever really be sure a child is their's, unless they do DNA.

How many women dont even know eh?
How many women lie who the father is, we'l never really know will we.

:whistling:
#21
thesaint
That commented you quoted was after mine. It sounded like the OP was stating that the "father" found out a month after the birth that she had cheated, and had another mans child.




btw It's "advice" not advise.


no boo, read it again, the child was his after all ... have a look
#22
FilthAndFurry
Forget the kid - if he ain't your's then you've got no responsibility. You could probably sue to get any monies that you've spent on it, based on deception.


If I was the man I wouldn't forget the child, even if he wasn't mine. I'd still have vested feeling and parental desires in it. However the woman would be pig fodder lol till I forgave her anyway.
#23
guv
I don't there is a dilema in this. He has none. :thumbsup:

RFM - is there something you need to tell us?


lol, there's nothing to say mate, I've never been cheated on by any past or current relationships because I know how to treat women (most of the time :p) and how to show them a good time afterwards too. :giggle:

I would hate to be in that position though...it's a horrible thought.

ClarityofMind
Awful just for the few momtns of sleeping around she earnt herself several months of worry concern and stress just when she needs to feel at her most content.

I think that for every mistake we make through life we have to earn it back a thousandfold.

I'd never leave my hubby even if our marriage became totally dead. I'd work at it to get the whole thing back on track no matter the drivel that goes along with that.


I agree completely...I hope she does realise it wasn't worth it and anyone that has been tempted, backs off after understanding how it almost tore the family apart with the added strain. :thumbsup:

thesaint
That commented you quoted was after mine. It sounded like the OP was stating that the "father" found out a month after the birth that she had cheated, and had another mans child.


I think she told him she slept around and the baby may not be his at the same time. :)
Talk about rubbing it in.
#24
Nemz
I know that but it actually involve 3 people not just the two idiots ... who are the parents.

:thumbsup:


Agreed, but why should the man take responsibility? If he knew before the birth that there was a possibility, then he has a moral obligation to follow through. In the case stated he was deceived.

cherishu2
i actually feel sorry for men, on this rare occassion.
They cant ever really be sure a child is their's, unless they do DNA.

How many women dont even know eh?
How many women lie who the father is, we'l never really know will we.

:whistling:



I think about 10% of all children in the UK have a different father than what they believe. Scary.

Nemz
no boo, read it again, the child was his after all ... have a look


Read the thread in chronological order dude/dudette.
#25
cherishu2
i actually feel sorry for men, on this rare occassion.
They cant ever really be sure a child is their's, unless they do DNA.

How many women dont even know eh?
How many women lie who the father is, we'l never really know will we.

:whistling:


My husband says to me he can tell our children are his just by looking at them. There is a certain family resemblance with the features. They all have aquiline noses and a straightness to their gaze. And those curls are unforgettable. My kids even really look like their cousins and one of my nephews is almost the spitting image of my hubby at that age. ( His sister's son )

But you can get simple DNA tests in chemists now for like £30 I think. To have it done professionally costs about £500.
#26
thesaint
Agreed, but why should the man take responsibility? If he knew before the birth that there was a possibility, then he has a moral obligation to follow through. In the case stated he was deceived.




I think about 10% of all children in the UK have a different father than what they believe. Scary.



Read the thread in chronological order dude/dudette.


It is possible but I would not want to believe it is the case
#27
thesaint




I think about 10% of all children in the UK have a different father than what they believe. Scary.



.


I wouldn't be surprised if it was even higher. This is a hidden statistic by its very nature.
#28
thesaint
Agreed, but why should the man take responsibility? If he knew before the birth that there was a possibility, then he has a moral obligation to follow through. In the case stated he was deceived.


I agree, he should of been given the choice to decide if he should stick out the relationship if there was doubt and then performed a DNA test after birth but I guess she wanted his support etc throughout the whole process.

thesaint
I think about 10% of all children in the UK have a different father than what they believe. Scary.


Where did you get those figures from?
I seriously hope it's a lot less than 10%....it would be horrible not only for the father that has lived with the lie all his life but the poor child that is lead to believe he knows and understands his roots.
#29
im surprised its ONLy 10% TBH.
#30
cherishu2
im surprised its ONLy 10% TBH.


You can only ever be certain of the mother ....
#31
realfriendlyman
I agree, he should of been given the choice to decide if he should stick out the relationship if there was doubt and then performed a DNA test after birth but I guess she wanted his support etc throughout the whole process.


I have no problem with bringing up another mans child. My son has an older sister that isn't mine.
She is an adult and although I don't treat her as my own, I still keep in touch with her despite not talking to her(and my sons) mum.

The key thing for me is "deception" from your OP, it seemed different to actually how it has actually turned out.

realfriendlyman

Where did you get those figures from?
I seriously hope it's a lot less than 10%....it would be horrible not only for the father that has lived with the lie all his life but the poor child that is lead to believe he knows and understands his roots.


I can't remember where the figures are from, I worked with Children/Families for a few years, and you remember pointless information as a result.

It is extremely important for children to know their origin, that I agree with 100%.
For children of "mixed" parentage, even more so.
#32
Does anyone remeber the case where the single mum had the baby adopted and social services wanted to tell the father but the court backed the mother,So a baby who could possibly have grown up with his real father was adopted by strangers because thats how much our society values fathers rights,
banned#33
tonyg1962
Does anyone remeber the case where the single mum had the baby adopted and social services wanted to tell the father but the court backed the mother,So a baby who could possibly have grown up with his real father was adopted by strangers because thats how much our society values fathers rights,


His real father was a mess though - a former milky bar kid who'd become addicted to drugs. That's not a decent home life.
#34
tonyg1962
Does anyone remeber the case where the single mum had the baby adopted and social services wanted to tell the father but the court backed the mother,So a baby who could possibly have grown up with his real father was adopted by strangers because thats how much our society values fathers rights,


I assume the parents weren't married in this case and the "father"'s information wasn't on the child's birth certificate.

Beware sleeping with any woman who isn't your wife. Her children will not necessarily be legally yours unless you make sure your details are recorded at the registration.
#35
FilthAndFurry
His real father was a mess though - a former milky bar kid who'd become addicted to drugs. That's not a decent home life.


You're right. Milky bars are so bad for children.
banned#36
ClarityofMind
You're right. Milky bars are so bad for children.


Especially taken intravenously.
#37
ClarityofMind
You're right. Milky bars are so bad for children.


lol :-D
#38
FilthAndFurry
Especially taken intravenously.


pmsl
#39
ClarityofMind
I assume the parents weren't married in this case and the "father"'s information wasn't on the child's birth certificate.

Beware sleeping with any woman who isn't your wife. Her children will not necessarily be legally yours unless you make sure your details are recorded at the registration.


You cant do that if she doesnt tell you as in this case,
#40
ClarityofMind
I assume the parents weren't married in this case and the "father"'s information wasn't on the child's birth certificate.


I don't think that was the problem, at Social Services we didn't need proof a child was a fathers.
It sounds like the judge thought better of informing the father. I don't know the case, but every father should be informed that his child is going up for adoption.

Even if he has no say in it, he should be told.

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