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Mothers can I have your views pls?

lyndsbowes Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
We have 2 boys (nearly 4 and 20 months) and my hubby has this idea that because he goes to work 5 days a week, 8am-4pm he has the right to have every other waking minute of the day to himself. I stopped working after our 2nd child but worked all the time up until then. I do EVERYTHING with them which I love but I wish he would do a bit more. He comes in from work and sits in the kitchen watching tv whilst I look after boys in living room as usual and put them to bed every night.

Can you please give me your views on what your childrens fathers are like.

Sorry for ranting on :)
lyndsbowes Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
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1 Like #1
my dad has *changed word incase i get another ban* off to serbia.
love him. :)
#2
seperated now but he used to do his share, he should want to spend time with them after all, it will be him that misses out on special moments
#3
I'm a father not a mother but I really sympathise. Does he realise how much he's missing out on?
#4
You werent on wife swap last week were you??????
1 Like #5
i would be well hacked off if this was my OH
i know full well my OH will be doing his fair share, maybe you should speak to him about it he is the one missing out he will regret it later when they are older too many people forget that having a child is a gift and take their children for granted
#6
loupomm
seperated now but he used to do his share, he should want to spend time with them after all, it will be him that misses out on special moments


don't get me wrong he does love them to bits which is why I can't understand why he doesn't want to spend every minute he can with them
1 Like #7
My parnter sits on the computer most of the time and ignores me and my son!!! He plays world of warcraft and we don't get spoken to most of the night. I just ignore him back and sit and watch TV with our son. He does take him out every saturday to his parents all day, and then on a sunday he lets me have a lie in (til midday :D) and he watches him but usually I think he ignores him and plonks him in front of the TV.

So you're not alone at all, but I think he should definitely sit with him and spend time with him. You should shock him and say you're putting them up for adoption!!!! It should make him s&&t himself pmsl
#8
Aquatic
You werent on wife swap last week were you??????


lol no think i should do tho lmao
1 Like #9
Well i am a father not a mother:) our kids are 3 and 11 months. My wife is deffinately the primary carer as i have a job and she is a housewife. However when i am home i give my fair share looking after the kids. Bathing and playing and generally looking after them is not a chore as it is valuable time with my kids, which i would not give up. Plus i bet your work looking after the kids and house is harder than his(if your kids are anything as boisterous as ours:)). He should deffinately have some time himself looking after the kids so he can spend quality time with his children and you can get your sanity back. If he doesn't he will regret the missed oppertunity in the future. well thats what i think anyway.:)
#10
musicals
I'm a father not a mother but I really sympathise. Does he realise how much he's missing out on?


thx. i don't think he thinks like that. all he thinks is that he's tired coz he works and he's maybe bitter coz i dont anymore..... i just dont know
#11
midjet666
My parnter sits on the computer most of the time and ignores me and my son!!! He plays world of warcraft and we don't get spoken to most of the night. I


http://www.funnyphotos.net.au/images/world-of-warcraft-cartoon-warcraft-in-everday-life1.jpg
show that to your husband. he will get it LOL.
#12
The bloke on last weeks programme did absolutely NOTHING and thought the whole world revolved around him and that he should not have to do stuff with the kids cos he'd worked and she didnt so when he got home he was allowed to chill and relax!!!
#13
In my experience males need to be nagged into doing anything to do with kids & housework...................... you need your time too............. NAG HIM
#14
midjet666
My parnter sits on the computer most of the time and ignores me and my son!!! He plays world of warcraft and we don't get spoken to most of the night. I just ignore him back and sit and watch TV with our son. He does take him out every saturday to his parents all day, and then on a sunday he lets me have a lie in (til midday :D) and he watches him but usually I think he ignores him and plonks him in front of the TV.

So you're not alone at all, but I think he should definitely sit with him and spend time with him. You should shock him and say you're putting them up for adoption!!!! It should make him s&&t himself pmsl


i sympathise with you coz i know how it feels. my lie in is sunday but i normally get up about 8am as i can hear shouting and when he does look afted them the little one goes in his pram for as long as he will do and the older one gets plonked on the nintendo ds which i dont allow him to play coz i think he's too young
1 Like #15
Firstly, don't apologise for "ranting on"

I don't understand why a parent wouldn't want to spend time with their child/ren when able? He will regret it in years to come, when he no longer has the chance as they have grown up. also, as the children get older they will notice he doesn't have much to do with them.

My hubby also worked full time whilst I stayed at home to bring up the children (it was more common in those days - mid 80's) and he spent evenings and weekends with them and we both always took it in turns to read a bedtime story each night to them. What is nice is that now years on they remember and appreciate this.
#16
my oh works nights and every wkd I do my own thing with my friends on a sat, he takes my lil boy to school during the week and helps out at bedtime too. lol he s not v good at housework but thats my dept as i dont work!! He didn't used to be helpful but u just gotta put ur foot down!!!!!
#17
badgerrules
Well i am a father not a mother:) our kids are 3 and 11 months. My wife is deffinately the primary carer as i have a job and she is a housewife. However when i am home i give my fair share looking after the kids. Bathing and playing and generally looking after them is not a chore as it is valuable time with my kids, which i would not give up. Plus i bet your work looking after the kids and house is harder than his(if your kids are anything as boisterous as ours:)). He should deffinately have some time himself looking after the kids so he can spend quality time with his children and you can get your sanity back. If he doesn't he will regret the missed oppertunity in the future. well thats what i think anyway.:)


well i've worked all my life sometimes 3 jobs at once and this is deffo the hardest job (yet most rewarding) EVER. our 2 boys are on the go from 5am till 8pm and they NEVER tire! they are sooooooooo boisterous you wouldn't believe! tho i love them with all my heart :)
#18
I can't belive he would miss out on being a father.

I don't have kids yet and
I don't work yet so I don't know how tired I would be.
But my saying is ' What you make, you have to clean up. and play with and feed them and take some time out with them'

:-D
#19
he should give you a break - take the kids to the park etc
o/h took girls to animal rescue centre today - thankfully no live versions were brought home and for the past 2 - 3 hours he has been cleaning kitchen cupboards out - works all week as well - i give him 7/10
#20
I do feel for u hun. My hubby works a lot of hours (7-14 a day) - often 6 days a week and durig that time I class myself as working too - looking after the house and the children but y should I work 24 hours a day when hubby doesn't. To be honest, it's not even that I have to ask him, he loves spending time with the kids. It's hard work looking after kids (as well as fun), mentally if nothing else - u deserve a break/time to urself too and he should want to spend time with them! :thumbsup:
#21
Sorry lyndsbowes, but your OH is having a laugh at your expense Imho:?
#22
Try the "no choice" attitude. When he comes home from work every now and then say "right then, I'm off to the supermarket to do some shopping and I'm leaving the kids with you" and then leg it quickly. He can't moan at you for doing housework and perhaps will start to realise how hard it is to look after the kids.

My daughters are 7 and 3 and when the eldest was a baby, my husband was pretty much the same and thought he could still sit there reading his magazine while I ran around after the little one. I soon let him know that it wasn't on and did the "shopping trick". We also came to an arrangement that on a Saturday, it was his turn to have a lie in while I got up with the baby and on a Sunday it was his turn to get up while I laid in bed and then had a nice soak in the bath, 7 years later we are still doing this and now he does all sorts with them and appreciates the time with them too.

Just be harsh, the saying "cruel to be kind" is true in this case and he might not actually realise how you're feeling.
#23
holly100
i give him 7/10


Thats rather harsh!!! Surely he's deserving of at least 9/10 :thumbsup:
#24
suze
Thats rather harsh!!! Surely he's deserving of at least 9/10 :thumbsup:


nooooo suze - his name isnt jesus:thumbsup:
#25
suze
Thats rather harsh!!! Surely he's deserving of at least 9/10 :thumbsup:


You under the thumb :-D
#26
Tell him your going to start a night class once a week and he is going to have to look after and put them to bed on that night then just go to a friends or something or simply walk out one night and say you've had enough he has to do more to help. shock tactics he may love his kids but it sounds like he has no idea just how hard it is to look after two children this age all day every day. I frequently used to leave my husband with our two when he got in from work and just go for a half hour walk I had to to stay sane. Good luck hope you can make him see it from your point of view.
#27
I dont have kids. Not old enough but a father should spend time with his kids...its him after all who is missig out :thumbsup:
#28
im only an uncle to my oh's sisters son....but i can tell you that when ever i see the little guy i wanna spend as much time with him as i can!!!! and hes not even my kid

tbh i think its ridiculous he doesnt help out or take part in there lives !!
1 Like #29
I had exactly the same and no matter how many times i tried to discuss/ argue/ comment on it it never changed. I only ever got a lay in on mothers day, purely because i demanded it, and when i did get up it was to carnage so i spent the rest of the day tidying up. It made me so miserable, and every time he used the 'I work all week' line i wanted to shove a saucepan down his throat. He ended up leaving, and the awful thing is the kids werent bothered he was gone as it wasnt much different for them. If anything my life is easier now i dont have to look after him aswell!!!
Moral here- if he dont appreciate you and your children, there is always someone else who will, but if he really, realises how it makes you feel, he should be willing to change for you. xxxxx
#30
holly100
nooooo suze - his name isnt jesus:thumbsup:


:giggle: :giggle:
1 Like #31
Aww, feel really sorry for you. My kids dad was such a selfish so and so that I decided It would be easier (and better for me) to go it alone, so I kicked him out !! Probably a bit drastic for your situation, but he thought the same. I was at home with a new baby and a 1.5 year old, the eldest still wasn't sleeping through the night, I'd had to have yet another section and he still thought it was fine for me to cook tea, clean up, sort the kids out by bathing them and putting them to bed in the evenings, do all the washing and ironing. He just used to say 'well I've been at work, I don't just get to sit at home all day'.

Trouble is, I think he's just a bad father rather than lazy as although he only lives 10 mins away, he sees the kids once a week after work for about 45 mins and then moans about them being hard work when he sees them at the weekend and just shouts at them. And I still get the digs about how I get to stay at home all day whilst he nearly has a breakdown seeing them on a saturday - not even having both of them sleeping, this is just during the day !! Men, ay :roll:
banned#32
Most men are lazy, good for nothing, so and so's :whistling:
#33
poochie
I had exactly the same and no matter how many times i tried to discuss/ argue/ comment on it it never changed. I only ever got a lay in on mothers day, purely because i demanded it, and when i did get up it was to carnage so i spent the rest of the day tidying up. It made me so miserable, and every time he used the 'I work all week' line i wanted to shove a saucepan down his throat. He ended up leaving, and the awful thing is the kids werent bothered he was gone as it wasnt much different for them. If anything my life is easier now i dont have to look after him aswell!!!
Moral here- if he dont appreciate you and your children, there is always someone else who will, but if he really, realises how it makes you feel, he should be willing to change for you. xxxxx


That is exactly the position I am in now, I have had enough.

I work three days a week but have two children aged 8 and 4, apparently I don't deserve a break or a holiday as I don't do "proper" work.

Granted I get a sleep in on Saturday but I have to get up with them at 6am and then wake him at 8.30am with a coffee in bed and when he gets up I can go back to bed for a couple of hours :roll:
#34
fireheaven
That is exactly the position I am in now, I have had enough.

I work three days a week but have two children aged 8 and 4, apparently I don't deserve a break or a holiday as I don't do "proper" work.

Granted I get a sleep in on Saturday but I have to get up with them at 6am and then wake him at 8.30am with a coffee in bed and when he gets up I can go back to bed for a couple of hours :roll:



ay ay ay fh - if you really must take him coffee - take it up at half 6 - :thumbsup:

this is 2008 - cant believe all these women taking it from guys - stop them reading the sun - theres a start
#35
i think this kind of attitude has been inherited - maybe this is how his parents were, and he thinks it is the norm. From experience, this is not going to change overnight, and the more you nag him, the more he wont pull his weight. Start by asking him to do little tasks with the kids. He will eventually enjoy it and over the years it will become second nature. One step at a time.
#36
holly100
ay ay ay fh - if you really must take him coffee - take it up at half 6 - :thumbsup:

this is 2008 - cant believe all these women taking it from guys - stop them reading the sun - theres a start



Nah, it would just go cold at 6.30, I forgot I take the bowl of sugar puffs too :|

He is far too set in his ways, believe me I have tried but I get the same line "I work full time, you don't" :roll:
#37
you could always try this approach....

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home.

The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck.

There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.

As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door.

The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife.

He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, What happened here today?

She again smiled and answered, You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?

Yes, was his reply.

She answered, Well, today I didn't do it!


lol...
#38
Put your foot down, Offer to swap places to go back to work full time and activly look for work, he will soon get worried at the prospect of being a house husband!
My other half works 12 hour night shifts and works every weekend so i never realy get a break from the kids (3 of them) but after he has had his sleep he gets up at lunch time and helps non stop until he has to go back to work. He takes the kids to school most mornings and does some housework.
#39
He does actually do some things for/ with them and when he does take them out they love it tho i dont hear the end of it if he does! he goes mad because the boys are so clingy to me and i've tried telling him it's because i spend all the time with them but it goes in one ear and out the other. and i wouldn't go back to work until they're both at school because i actually LOVE spending every minute i can with them
#40
I really cant complain about my OH, we will have been married 15 years on Thursday and have 3 sons, 19, 13 and 11 and he is fantastic. He works shifts full-time in a fairly stressful job at times but always has time for the boys no matter how he is feeling. I dont have a full-time job, I work supply as dinnerlady, secretary and teaching assistant in our local school as and when they need me, but can go months without working.
He helps around the house, without being asked, and takes the boys to their football training/matches when he isnt at work.
In a previous realtionship I allowed myself to be walked all over for years and swore to never let it happen again.
My motto is start as you mean to go on. Im not saying that everything in the garden is rosey all the time, but communication is the only way to sort things. If something is on your mind or you arnt happy tell each other.

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