The Four Affairs
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
Where have you been? his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you', he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary, We were with eachother all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lie! You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: Not this time!
The 3rd Affair
A woman was with her lover at home when she heard her husband opening the front door.
Hurry, she said, stand in the corner.
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
Don't move until I tell you, she said, pretend you're a statue.
What's this? the husband inquired as he entered the room.
Oh it's a statue, she replied, the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
Here, he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.
The 4th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: I have something I must confess.
There's no need to, his wife replied.
No, he insisted, I want to die in peace.
I fooled around with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!
I know, she replied, now just rest and let the poison work