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my mum said she is stopping chemo...again

edjaned Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
firstly please dont think im an uncaring person,i am,i love my mum to bits but i dont know how to deal with this anymore
my mum who has always been a heavy drinker and an attention seeker has recently had breast cancer,she has undergone a masectomy and now has to have 6 lots of chemo
so far she has had 2 and she is now drunk again saying she has decided not to have the treatment anymore and that her body cant take it
im not trying to be hard but i have had enough of hearing it everytime she drinks,i know she is going through alot but at the same time i think back to my friend and her lovely little 4 year old who had many ops and chemo only to be told there was no hope for her and she still smiled everyday
also my childrens other grandmother only got given 2 weeks to live she only saw one of our children and died days after he was born
she has always been a binge drinker and constantly makes a show of herself but now people are saying well she is going through alot,
my mum has just phoned her mother (my grandmother) who is 80 and told her she is stopping all treatment and the docs have told her its only prolonging her life(which is a lie) so now my grandmother is worried sick and cant sleep
how would u deal with this?
edjaned Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
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#1
aww ed thats really stressful for urself.

sadly i dont think there is much you can do. chemo is very difficult and with being a binge drinker i think ur mum is looking at short term relief.

maybe u can get your kids to play the emotional card and offer her full support? although im sure u have
#2
as you have said she is an attention seeker. Eiither ignore it or say it as it is.


chemo is awful absolutely awful. But she is drunk. so i would leave it.
However if she was sober i would tell her i felt she is being selfish (especially phoning nanny). She has children (whether grown or not) and grandchildren to think of not just herself.
That is whta i would want my kids to say to me if i was acting that way.
#3
i dont know what to do,i phoned the hospital and have told them about the binge drinking etc and the doc had a right go at her,she siad she wasnt going to drink as much anymore but 2 days later she is back at it again
i dont really want to worry the kids by them knowing she wants to stop the treatment
i suppose u cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves
banned#4
how very sad, but i suppose its very easy for us to sit and say that, we are not in your mothers position and wouldnt want to be, all you can do is make your feelings clear as she will do what she wants, as long as your conscience is clear that is all you can do xx
#5
It's her life....walk away and ignore her....maybe she'll see sense, maybe not

cold...but in some occasions it needs to be done hun
#6
cherishu2
as you have said she is an attention seeker. Eiither ignore it or say it as it is.


chemo is awful absolutely awful. But she is drunk. so i would leave it.
However if she was sober i would tell her i felt she is being selfish (especially phoning nanny). She has children (whether grown or not) and grandchildren to think of not just herself.
That is whta i would want my kids to say to me if i was acting that way.


i have said the same to her over and over again she agrees but then does it again,so then i start thinking am i giving her what she wants attention?tonight when she told me again i just said oh ok then im going now,she promised me just this afternoon she was going for the treatment and now she is saying she is not going again
its my 4 year olds birthday 2moro i doubt she will even turn up 4 that,the drink will prob be more important
#7
edjaned
i dont know what to do,i phoned the hospital and have told them about the binge drinking etc and the doc had a right go at her,she siad she wasnt going to drink as much anymore but 2 days later she is back at it again
i dont really want to worry the kids by them knowing she wants to stop the treatment
i suppose u cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves


so she is worried about docs and stops it when they tell her to, albeit for a couple of days. well why not tell docs againa nd maybe they can assign a counsellor for her to help her. :)
#8
choc1969
It's her life....walk away and ignore her....maybe she'll see sense, maybe not

cold...but in some occasions it needs to be done hun


my partner has been fuming about it tonight and said she is selfish
he said maybe we should speak to the local funeral parlour and get them to send her some brouchers of headstones
worth a shot or cold blooded i dont know anymore
#9
Sounds like your mam needs to think about someone other than themselves for a change. No offense.
#10
magicbeans
so she is worried about docs and stops it when they tell her to, albeit for a couple of days. well why not tell docs againa nd maybe they can assign a counsellor for her to help her. :)


she has phoned the hospital tonight..again..and told them she is not coming in tomorrow for treatment,they warned her the doc will phone her but she said she doesnt care
she normally stays sober tues-fri but drinks the rest of the time but sometimes she can drink for a week or 2 solid if the cancer doesnt kill her the drink will
banned#11
do whatever your conscience allows, you may think it is only her that has to live with the consequences but that isnt the case xx
#12
For you and your family, as you say if she wont help herself, then you cant help her.
I can understand the drink binging though in a way. But in the long run it will hinder her health even further.
Tell her you love her and youll stick by what she decides. Then she has no attention from it and i bet she gets the chemo.
#13
edjaned
she has phoned the hospital tonight..again..and told them she is not coming in tomorrow for treatment,they warned her the doc will phone her but she said she doesnt care
she normally stays sober tues-fri but drinks the rest of the time but sometimes she can drink for a week or 2 solid if the cancer doesnt kill her the drink will


thats really sad.

with chemo i know u need a lot of internal strength. half the fight is the mental one and looks like ur mum doesnt want to even try. its tragic. im sorry but it looks like ur going to struggle changing ur mums mind.
#14
If it were me, I'd have a quiet word with your nan and explain the real situation, how your mum is behaving after she's been drinking and although she's not going to stop worrying about the whole situation, at least she'll know that the chemo isn't just 'extending her life' as your mum told her.

As for your mum, as hard and distressing as it may be, as others here have said, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Perhaps when she's sober, sit her down, explain to her how much her actions and drinking are hurting the rest of you when all you want to do is support her. Explain you'll be there as much as she needs you but she has to keep fighting and not give up for all of your sakes. But if she still doesn't listen, then there's not really a lot you're going to be able to do :-(
#15
cherishu2
For you and your family, as you say if she wont help herself, then you cant help her.
I can understand the drink binging though in a way. But in the long run it will hinder her health even further.
Tell her you love her and youll stick by what she decides. Then she has no attention from it and i bet she gets the chemo.


i could understand the binge drinking if it was a recent thing but seen as she has done it most of my life in a way it seems she is saying its acceptable to do it now as she has cancer
banned#16
we all have addictions and sometimes these increase with life and death situations, we all handle things differently and for most looking on it is completely a selfish thing to do, but im sure yourmother doesnt choose to live in hell, she may just not be strong enough to do anything about it
#17
Charlie&Lola
If it were me, I'd have a quiet word with your nan and explain the real situation, how your mum is behaving after she's been drinking and although she's not going to stop worrying about the whole situation, at least she'll know that the chemo isn't just 'extending her life' as your mum told her.

As for your mum, as hard and distressing as it may be, as others here have said, you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Perhaps when she's sober, sit her down, explain to her how much her actions and drinking are hurting the rest of you when all you want to do is support her. Explain you'll be there as much as she needs you but she has to keep fighting and not give up for all of your sakes. But if she still doesn't listen, then there's not really a lot you're going to be able to do :-(


i phoned my nan tonight and have told her just that,my nain knows whats she is like but she doesnt like hearing it,its not the first time she has worried her sick
#18
how very very sad, and how hard for you, why dont you go see her tomorrow and go with her for the chemo, try and talk her into going with you by her side.
Everyone is different and who knows how any one of us would react to the terrible news of cancer, she is dealing with it HER way but the drink is definately confussing things and she may need a little more persuasion as the post above says, remind her of who she is hurting but do it gently.
You were so amazing with your friends little girl, I wish you and your family luck XXXXX
#19
my mum went for the chemo today after i had a word with her this morning so all is well again...for now
#20
edjaned
my mum went for the chemo today after i had a word with her this morning so all is well again...for now


excellet news hon x x x

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