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Need some funny one liners

ryman1000 Avatar
banned6y, 4m agoPosted 6 years, 4 months ago
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ryman1000 Avatar
banned6y, 4m agoPosted 6 years, 4 months ago
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banned#1
Thread closed :D
#2
Thread closed doesn't seem to be working. http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn219/jumpingphil/giggle1.gif
banned#3
aScottishBloke
Thread closed :D


haha, is this asb trying to be funny !!


...i laughed X) i'll be sure to use this one

or were you being serious ?
banned#4
Is this not closed yet ?
banned#5
Jumpingphil
Thread closed doesn't seem to be working. http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn219/jumpingphil/giggle1.gif


how did you get one of the original smileys ?
suspended#6
you got an ipod touch or iphone?
banned#7
You could always hotlink to the image above, but run the risk of jumpingphil dumping you right in it.
banned#8
aScottishBloke
Is this not closed yet ?


im still confused. were you joking ?
banned#9
Starr
you got an ipod touch or iphone?


not sure if this was directed at me, but yes, not that im using it.
suspended#10
ryman1000
Starr
you got an ipod touch or iphone?


not sure if this was directed at me, but yes, not that im using it.


Ye sorry directed at you.

Download sickipedia from app store (free) some very funny one liners there. Great app
#11
you could open up google and type in "funny one liners"....might give you some
banned#12
acecatcher3
you could open up google and type in "funny one liners"....might give you some


google ? i had a look, most of them were terrible though

Starr
ryman1000
Starr
you got an ipod touch or iphone?


not sure if this was directed at me, but yes, not that im using it.


Ye sorry directed at you.

Download sickipedia from app store (free) some very funny one liners there. Great app


thanks will have a look
#13
when u say one liners...do u mean a joke or like funny one liners in terms of insults or what?
#14
Are you looking for snappy insults?
banned#15
one liners meaning ...one liners. not as an insult, was looking for some funny ones
#16
aScottishBloke
You could always hotlink to the image above, but run the risk of jumpingphil dumping you right in it.

I would never dream of doing such a thing. http://i305.photobucket.com/albums/nn219/jumpingphil/whistle.gif
#17
I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"?...........

**** firemen.

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

I'm easily lead.


yesterday morning i had to change a light bulb, then a bit later on i crossed the road and walked into a bar, then i realised..my life is just one big joke!



I've just seen my psychologist...
He didn't know the first thing about my bike.



hedgehogs...why cant you just share the hedge
#18
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it
#19
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
banned#20
acecatcher3
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.


We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I want to die peacefully in my sleepsleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it


18 comments later someone understood what i meant :)
#22
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

.Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

**** loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

**** is coming! Look Busy.

My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

A good pun is its own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

I have friends who swear they dream in color...It's just a pigment of their imagination.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.

Karaoke is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.

A day without sunshine is like night.

A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys

As I said before, I never repeat myself. As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

Bigamy: one wife too many.Monogamy: same thing

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.

Clones are people two.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Friction can be a drag sometimes.

He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I couldn't care less about apathy.

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
#23
Google, right click, copy.......paste.
#24
I went to the doctors today, told him I had broken my arm in several places, he said , you shouldn't go to those places then ( RIP Tommy Cooper )
#25
funny one liner.
hotukdeals new look is fantastic.

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