When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2am
I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't bloody remember where I live!'
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: 'Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . Please advise.'
The old man faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'
mod edit >> removed swearing
An elderly couple was attending a church service -- about halfway through
she leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart-what do
you think I should do?'
He replies, ' Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'