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ok post a funniest joke and don't laugh.... seriously

addjon Avatar
6y, 1m agoPosted 6 years, 1 month ago
the challenge is to post a funniest joke, the one make you really laugh but while posting you don't have to laugh.......and be honest to tell the truth at the end....
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addjon Avatar
6y, 1m agoPosted 6 years, 1 month ago
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#1
Pardon?
banned#2
CFC_Mark
Pardon?


+1
[mod]#3
huh?
#4
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?ask the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other

Edited By: addjon on Oct 12, 2010 20:43: .
#5
may not be the funniest or even funny, but here's a joke



A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter and said "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender" on my tab. Every one got a drink and thanked the man. After a while he man said "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender. Put it on my tab." Everybody got their drinks and thanked the man. The bar tender pulled the man to the side and asked him "You know this is going to be a lot of money, can you pay for this? The man said "No". The bar tender took the man in the back, beat him up, and threw him out the back door. The man brushed himself off, and went back into the bar. He sat down and said "Drinks, everybody, on me. Except for you bar tender, you don't know how to act when you get drunk
#6
i gave example in my post...........lol now you can start
[mod] 1 Like #7
The thread description made me laugh...........then gave me a headache............then i laughed again. oO
#8
addjon
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?as the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other

oO
You didn't laugh at that because it's not even a joke
#9
their was a bet between two men (roger and kim) about who run fast and they made one of their mate to be a judge....the judge ask roger to quickly touch that post lamp and come back,so he did and it was 20 sec on the clock.the judge ask kim to quickly touch that bulb on the corner on the street and come back,so he went but came back after 3 days....what happened? ask the judge;kim who was already out of breath,said that bulb was attached to a truck....
banned 1 Like #10
addjon
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?ask the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other


is your real name Borat?
#11
[/quote]is your real name Borat?[/quote]
you made me laugh
banned 3 Likes #12
http://usera.imagecave.com/webloafer/please.jpg
#13
Op you have one of the strangest posting styles I have ever seen.
#14
bykergrove
addjon
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?ask the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other


is your real name Borat?



Jokes are definitely fresh out of Kazakhstan


Edited By: CFC_Mark on Oct 12, 2010 20:58: .
banned#15
greg_68
Op you have one of the strangest posting styles I have ever seen.


to be honest, I find the posting style funnier than the actual jokes.

funny thread OP.
#16
bykergrove
to be honest, I find the posting style funnier than the actual jokes.funny thread OP.

what even my joke?!! Byker quickly take it back!!
1 Like #17
lol.......keep coming the replies....
#18
addjon
lol.......keep coming the replies....


lol :D
banned#19
#20
well bykergrove we can also find the jokes on the net but here you have to post it your self
#21
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies.
While walking around the course, the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground.
Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers!
The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."
The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."
Two holes further along, the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground.
Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either!
The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.
"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."
With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."
Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers!
Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others: Simply a lack of allowance.
The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."
1 Like #22
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar,the barman says "is this some sort of joke?"
#23
#24
Charlie Scene
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar,the barman says "is this some sort of joke?"

the Englishman,Irishman and Scotsman live happily forever after that...........
banned#25
So, there’s a man crawling through the desert.
He’d decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn’t get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.
He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he’d paid attention to the sun and thought he’d figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he’d be back to the small town he’d gotten gas in last.
He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he’s afraid that he’ll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he’d had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right.
He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he’s really thirsty. He’s been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He’s reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket
is really getting tempting now. He knows that it’s mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to
it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.
He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.
By the end of the day he starts getting worried. He figures he’s been walking at least 3 miles an hour, according to his watch for over 10 hours. That means that if his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn’t recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn’t remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he’s close, and that after dark he’ll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that’ll be all he needs.
As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights.
Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars.
He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they’re full of sand. He so thirsty that he can’t even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He’d forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn’t noticed it the night before because he’d been in his car.
He knows the Rule of Threes – three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food – then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. But the desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn’t the best situation to be without water. He figures, unless he finds water, this is his last day.
He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits a while after spitting that little bit out, to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He’s not sure. He’ll go a little farther, and if he still doesn’t find water, he’ll try drinking some of the fluid.
Then he has to face his next, harder question – which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do.
Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking.
As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that – when you stop sweating he knows that means you’re in trouble – usually right before heat stroke.
He decides that it’s time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can’t wait any longer – if he passes out, he’s dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowly swallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dry and cracked throat that he doesn’t even care about the nasty taste. He takes another mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle.
He figures that since he’s drinking it, he might as well drink enough to make some difference and keep himself from passing out.
He’s quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him, it kills him – if he didn’t drink it, he’d die anyway. Besides, he’s pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick – their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up, if it comes to that.
He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills, dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes he’ll see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. He’s careful to stay away from the movements.
After a while, he begins to stagger. He’s not sure if it’s fatigue, heat stroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself, and keep going.
After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good! He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV – he remembers doing donuts in it. Or at least he thinks he remembers it – he’s getting woozy enough and tired enough that he’s not sure what he remembers any more or if he’s hallucinating. But he thinks he remembers it. So he heads off into it, trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town.
He was heading for a town, wasn’t he? He thinks he was. He isn’t sure any more. He’s not even sure how long he’s been walking any more. Is it still morning? Or has it moved into afternoon and the sun is going down again? It must be afternoon – it seems like it’s been too long since he started out.
He walks through the sand.
After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesn’t remember any dunes when driving over the sand in his SUV. Or at least he doesn’t think he remembers any. This is bad.
But, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figures that he’ll get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything from there that helps him find the town. He keeps going up the dune.
Halfway up, he slips in the bad footing of the sand for the second or third time, and falls to his knees. He doesn’t feel like getting back up – he’ll just fall down again. So, he keeps going up the dune on his hand and knees.
While crawling, if his throat weren’t so dry, he’d laugh. He’s finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in the desert – crawling through the sand on his hands and knees. If would be the perfect image, he imagines, if only his clothes were more ragged. The people crawling through the desert in the cartoons always had ragged clothes. But his have lasted without any rips so far. Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in the sand years from now, and his clothes will still be in fine shape -shake the sand out, and a good wash, and they’d be wearable again. He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh. He coughs a little instead, and it hurts.
He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune. Now that he’s at the top, he struggles a little, but manages to stand up and look around. All he sees is sand. Sand, and more sand. Behind him, about a mile away, he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand. Ahead of him, more dunes, more sand. This isn’t where he drove his SUV. This is Hell. Or close enough.
Again, he doesn’t know what to do. He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while figuring it out. He takes out the bottle, and is removing the cap, when he glances to the side and sees something. Something in the sand. At the bottom of the dune, off to the side, he sees something strange. It’s a flat area, in the sand. He stops taking the cap of the bottle off, and tries to look closer. The area seems to be circular. And it’s dark – darker than the sand. And, there seems to be something in the middle of it, but he can’t tell what it is. He looks as hard as he can, and still can tell from here. He’s going to have to go down there and look.
He puts the bottle back in his pocket, and starts to stumble down the dune. After a few steps, he realizes that he’s in trouble – he’s not going to be able to keep his balance. After a couple of more sliding, tottering steps, he falls and starts to roll down the dune. The sand it so hot when his body hits it that for a minute he thinks he’s caught fire on the way down – like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff, before it ever even hits the ground. He closes his eye
#26
^^^^^^^^^^^^ best joke :D
banned#27
jellybaby22
^^^^

oO


oi! don't spoil it for others! let them read it!
#28
WTF

IS DIS REAL?
#29
someone read bykers joke and let me know whether to post a X) or not...
#30
Charlie Scene
someone read bykers joke and let me know whether to post a X) or not...


ive heard it before its actually quite funny lol but in a ffs i just sat through it, read it all just for the lame punch line

Edited By: numptyj on Oct 12, 2010 21:14: .
banned#31
btw the joke is epic it just takes a bit of effort to read
1 Like #32
http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af81/hukd_marina/gen/128814836398887695.jpg
#33
X) ..
#34
addjon
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?ask the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other


this is so unfunny that it becomes funny.
#35
bykergrove
btw the joke is epic it just takes a bit of effort to read


epic ! its a bloody movie script oO
#36
lol.......this thread is the funiest............i guess!
#37
reminds me of one of my mates groups on facebook http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=16593368322
#38
addjon
a woman went to a hair dresser and saw a price list, every hair style/cut for men was 90 percent cheaper then women..........why is this?ask the woman.the hair dresser replied"because women talk too much"
i didn't laugh cuz it wasn't funny enough for me and i couldn't think of any other


Um I don't get it :S
#39
its opened again........yes
#40
a typical house wife use to talk for 3-4 hrs on the phone with her friends,once she only talked for an hour; i am pretty surprised that you finished it that early: said the husband.wife replied,O it was a wrong number..............(sorry to females here,no offence to them,or i don't hate them,its just jokes.hopefully you understand )

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