One liners ...................... - HotUKDeals
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One liners ......................

snowtiger Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism

Why is air a lot like sex?
It's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s'''..."

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud

What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
Klondike

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned

Did you hear about the new "Divorce Barbie"?
It comes with all of Ken's stuff
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
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#1
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
"Sit down and I'll deal with you later."

"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"

"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together!"

Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed?
He had low elf esteem

Why does O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA

What is the main reason Santa is so jolly?
He knows where all the bad girls live

What does Kenny G say when he walks into an elevator?
"This place rocks!"

What's the new Kennedy documentary called?
Three Funerals and A Wedding

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids

What do you get when cross a godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand

Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map

What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A microwave stops when you open the door

Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves time in the long run

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin

What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Spelling

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts

Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend
#2
Teacher; ''Jimmy, can yoy say a sentence with the word Judicious in?''
Jimmy, '' For hands that judicious are as soft as you face.......''
#3
lol good jokes
#4
rep added
#5
fishmonger52
rep added


me too?:thumbsup:
#6
What's the difference between Princess Di and Tiger Woods?
Tiger Woods has a reliable driver

Chinese couple's in bed. Husband says, "I want a sixty-nine."
His wife says, "You want beef and broccoli now?"

When did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood and not a real boy?
The day his hand caught on fire

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes

What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss them


What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball

Why are hurricanes named after women?
They're wet and wild when they come and take your house when they leave

What did the man with five penises say?
"These pants fit like a glove"

What goes click-click-click..."Did I get it?"
Ray Charles doing Rubik's Cube

What's brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhea Of Anne Frank

When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did -- in his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard

How can you pick out Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
He's the one with sesame seed buns

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it.
The thief was spending less than his wife did

What about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the park?
One was a salted

What has orange hair, big feet, and comes out of a test tube?
Bozo the clone

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?
He wanted to go where no man had ever gone before

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?
The captain's log

Couple's in the living room. He says, "You're dry tonight." She says, "You're licking the rug."
#7
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

If at 1st you don't suceed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
banned#8
I Man is out hunting, get's the perfect kill, (Bang!!) kills the deer with one shot to the head, so he thinks i'll take it home and have the wife cook it for dinner.
so he takes it home gives it to the wife and say's "cook that but don't tell the kids what it is"
so he's at dinner with the kids and says to his son "do you know what that is you are eating"
and the boy reply's "is it beef dad"
The dad reply's "no son, but good guess"
The man then asks his daughter "do you know what that is you are eating"
the little girl reply's "is it pork daddy"
The dad reply's "no, but good guess, i'll give you's a clue, it's something a sometimes call your mum"
The little boy yells out "DON'T EAT IT IT'S AN ARS*-HOLE"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Give me a beer and a mop!'
banned#9
imranmaz
first joke is not a one liner.. i'd remove rep if i could... jk!


i know it's not a one liner, but thought everyone would like it :w00t:

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