But this one made me laugh...
A man walks into a pet shop and sees a sign advertising a talking centipede for £500. Thinking it could be the perfect pet, he buys it and takes it home in a box.
Having been home with his new pet for a while, he opens the box and says to the centipede: "Fancy a pint?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says a bit louder than before "Fancy a pint?" The centipede again says nothing. Thinking he had been conned, the man is getting more and more angry.
One last time, he shouts at the centipede "FANCY A PINT?". The centipede pokes its head out of the box and says: "I heard you the first time you tw@, I'm putting my shoes on!"