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Parents...stuck with what to do with my girl!!

Lulu'sMammy Avatar
5y, 10m agoPosted 5 years, 10 months ago
How on earth do i make a toilet look more "friendly" ??

Problem is... my girls being a nightmare with her toilet training. She currently has a nappy on for bed so from getting up on a morning until 6pm when she goes to bed, she holds wee in for all that time (which cant be good for her kidneys?)
She's to the point in the afternoon when she is TRUELY busting, dancing around the room, crying, holding it in etc. Now she used to happily sit on the toilet/potty in the beginning, but now she goes rigid, and holds herself so no wee can come out into the toilet/potty!! I'm stuck for ideas, and thinking somethings scared her? I've tried posh pottys, toilet inner seats, stickers, showing her what to do, getting cross, getting insanely over the top and doing daft stuff, bribes, treats, but nothing is letting her "let go"!

Any ideas?
p.s i was told to ditch the nappies on a night, but whats the point if she wont go to the potty? just means she will hold it in even longer, and eventually wetting herself whilst in bed?
Lulu'sMammy Avatar
5y, 10m agoPosted 5 years, 10 months ago
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2 Likes #1
Cant you just stick her nappies again until shes confident to start again?

my LO was doing great for a week then decided to just wee everywhere, so the nappies came back out again
1 Like #2
if she isnt ready then maybe go back to nappies and then start again. the boys werent too bad as i left it till they were 2 and a half or a bit more....

or what about those musical potties.... i never used the potty though so i cant advise on that...will wish u loadsa luck...totally can empathise with u :)
#3
Yep I agree with ILP, I would put her back in nappies.
Must be frustrating for you,hope someone can come up with some good alternative ideas.
#4
ilovepink
Cant you just stick her nappies again until shes confident to start again?my LO was doing great for a week then decided to just wee everywhere, so the nappies came back out again

She knows exactly what to do, she don't wee everywhere, she doesn't wee at all lol! It's like shes frightened of the wee coming out, this is the part i need to make fun, but how?
#5
how old is she?
#6
I have heard of kids being afraid to have a poo, but not a wee.
Will she go if you go before her?
1 Like #7
Take her to the doc or health visitor. Maybe she is finding things painful. Might need checking out
2 Likes #8
Sometimes when my little boy won't wee, normally before school, I put him on the loo/potty and say "what's that noise,is it raining outside,I think I can hear rain" and then he wee's and says "no mummy it was me having a wee".

I know that sounds crap but works for me :)
#9
Lulu'sMammy
ilovepink
Cant you just stick her nappies again until shes confident to start again?my LO was doing great for a week then decided to just wee everywhere, so the nappies came back out again


She knows exactly what to do, she don't wee everywhere, she doesn't wee at all lol! It's like shes frightened of the wee coming out, this is the part i need to make fun, but how?


My LO was fine until she needed to do a poo on the potty, since then its freaked her out and she will hold it in and then just wee instead of using her potty

im just going by what i have done as its my first time round potty training

maybe if all the stuff you have tried aint worked nappies would be best, she may just continue to be stubborn

good luck
#10
tracyhay
how old is she?

She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(
#11
No shes really not been stubborn, its like a fear. The nappies aint going to stop her fear, which is why i want to combat the problem and not just put it off till a later date. She is ready, she loves her knickers, its just the mental thing of actually letting the wee pass out.

Thesaint....not a chance, wont even sit on either, she goes rigid, as if shes scared witless.

Got the all singing all dancing musical potty, not a chance.
#12
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
how old is she?


She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(


right so she is old enough to be able to understand you explaining things to her, I have potty trained 3 so plenty of experience, so when she gets up in the morning ask her if she wants to wear her pants today, explain to her that its important that she goes to the toilet when she needs to its part of keeping herself healthy, If she says no try to go with it for a while ask her why she is frightened it sound to me like a power struggle, she is independant and is making sure you know it! let her think its her idea

sounds like she wants to please but is a little unsure what to do, talk to her

Edited By: tracyhay on Jan 13, 2011 21:21
#13
Seriously just tickle her till she wees :P Allowing her to do this ridiculous ritual gets her the attention she demands from you :P
#14
I bought my little one this:

http://www.mothercare.com/Summer-Infant-Potty-Training-System/dp/B001J79RTI/ref=sr_11_1/279-2563052-8080461?_encoding=UTF8&mcb=core

You can put wipes & toilet roll on it so looks like a pretty toilet...it also comes with stickers & you can use the bottom bit as a step when you move onto the 'big toilet'.

To be honest though you say you've tried posh potties so this might be just one of those to you :(

Edited By: xsazzyjayx on Jan 13, 2011 21:23
#15
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
how old is she?
She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(
right so she is old enough to be able to understand you explaining things to her, I have potty trained 3 so plenty of experience, so when she gets up in the morning ask her if she wants to wear her pants today, explain to her that its important that she goes to the toilet when she needs to its part of keeping herself healthy, If she says no try to go with it for a while ask her why she is frightened it sound to me like a power struggle, she is independant and is making sure you know it! let her think its her idea


She gets up on a morning, picks her pants then puts them on, all happy all cool, totally involved in all aspects. We go allllllll day till late afternoon then th bopping about starts. She will come to me and say "mammy, i need a wee" take her to loo, then she goes rigid, and says "i cant mam, i cant".
#16
xsazzyjayx
I bought my little one this:

http://www.mothercare.com/Summer-Infant-Potty-Training-System/dp/B001J79RTI/ref=sr_11_1/279-2563052-8080461?_encoding=UTF8&mcb=core


You can put wipes & toilet roll on it so looks like a pretty toilet...it also comes with stickers & you can use the bottom bit as a step when you move onto the 'big toilet'.


omg i ♥ it
#17
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
how old is she?
She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(
right so she is old enough to be able to understand you explaining things to her, I have potty trained 3 so plenty of experience, so when she gets up in the morning ask her if she wants to wear her pants today, explain to her that its important that she goes to the toilet when she needs to its part of keeping herself healthy, If she says no try to go with it for a while ask her why she is frightened it sound to me like a power struggle, she is independant and is making sure you know it! let her think its her idea



She gets up on a morning, picks her pants then puts them on, all happy all cool, totally involved in all aspects. We go allllllll day till late afternoon then th bopping about starts. She will come to me and say "mammy, i need a wee" take her to loo, then she goes rigid, and says "i cant mam, i cant".


then at that point ask her if she wants to put her nappy on so she can pee or ask her if she want to get a book/dolly whatever and go try for a pee either on the potty or the big toilet, it might be best if you can catch her before she gets to that agitated stage where she is too fightened to go remember she has never really had to hold it in before, so its all new to her, but try explaining to her that its part of keeping healthy, its was the only thing that finally got through to my little girl after suffering for 2 years with her holding in her poo
#18
it seems to be a nightmare,poor little girl,hopefully you'll get help soon and sort it out.try to make her sit on potty and gently rub her back so she will feel secure and warmth of her mother love.
#19
Sazzy, i'll get that tomorrow from store then if they have it. I dont care if she has 5 pottys, aslong as something works. Although out of all of them she goes on her huggies freebie potty the most!!
#20
school might help, her seeing the other children go, the only other thing i can think of which worked with my daughter (not scared of the potty but was of the loo) is making a point your going to the toilet and making sure she knows your happy about it, making up your own song about going to the loo. i know sounds mental, it might be a bit simple for her like she'll know what your doing, my daughter is autistic so its all i know simple language and singing to get her attension, so its all i know, but it might work, guess anythings worth a shot
#21
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
how old is she?
She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(
right so she is old enough to be able to understand you explaining things to her, I have potty trained 3 so plenty of experience, so when she gets up in the morning ask her if she wants to wear her pants today, explain to her that its important that she goes to the toilet when she needs to its part of keeping herself healthy, If she says no try to go with it for a while ask her why she is frightened it sound to me like a power struggle, she is independant and is making sure you know it! let her think its her idea
She gets up on a morning, picks her pants then puts them on, all happy all cool, totally involved in all aspects. We go allllllll day till late afternoon then th bopping about starts. She will come to me and say "mammy, i need a wee" take her to loo, then she goes rigid, and says "i cant mam, i cant".
then at that point ask her if she wants to put her nappy on so she can pee or ask her if she want to get a book/dolly whatever and go try for a pee either on the potty or the big toilet, it might be best if you can catch her before she gets to that agitated stage where she is too fightened to go remember she has never really had to hold it in before, so its all new to her, but try explaining to her that its part of keeping healthy, its was the only thing that finally got through to my little girl after suffering for 2 years with her holding in her poo

Shes asks for a nappy....or a ....bath!!! lol
[mod] 2 Likes #22
If it continues then give her a break completely from the potty/toilet for a week or so and give her anxiety with it time to settle and then try reintroducing it again slowly in some game.
#23
Lulu'sMammy
Sazzy, i'll get that tomorrow from store then if they have it. I dont care if she has 5 pottys, aslong as something works. Although out of all of them she goes on her huggies freebie potty the most!!


it says its a web exclusive not sure thats the problem though tbh, but worth a try i guess
#24
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
Lulu'sMammy
tracyhay
how old is she?
She's just short of 3, so holding her back isn't really a option, she starts little school for an hour a day in a few weeks( which she would be clean for, but its the uncomfortable, dancing, crying that cant be good for her!) I have no worries of taking her amywhere and her just weeing herself in public, it wouldnt happen, she would hold it and hold it and hold it until the very last desperate second and a dribble will come out, and then she feels awful. I feel for her :(
right so she is old enough to be able to understand you explaining things to her, I have potty trained 3 so plenty of experience, so when she gets up in the morning ask her if she wants to wear her pants today, explain to her that its important that she goes to the toilet when she needs to its part of keeping herself healthy, If she says no try to go with it for a while ask her why she is frightened it sound to me like a power struggle, she is independant and is making sure you know it! let her think its her idea
She gets up on a morning, picks her pants then puts them on, all happy all cool, totally involved in all aspects. We go allllllll day till late afternoon then th bopping about starts. She will come to me and say "mammy, i need a wee" take her to loo, then she goes rigid, and says "i cant mam, i cant".
then at that point ask her if she wants to put her nappy on so she can pee or ask her if she want to get a book/dolly whatever and go try for a pee either on the potty or the big toilet, it might be best if you can catch her before she gets to that agitated stage where she is too fightened to go remember she has never really had to hold it in before, so its all new to her, but try explaining to her that its part of keeping healthy, its was the only thing that finally got through to my little girl after suffering for 2 years with her holding in her poo


Shes asks for a nappy....or a ....bath!!! lol


then what would be the harm in going with it for a few days, if she loves her pants that much she will be back to them within a few days, just take the pressure off her a bit, its hard for them, do you have a copy of gina fords book? try that for some advise, really helped me with my third, as I had never potty trained a boy before

Edited By: tracyhay on Jan 13, 2011 21:35
#25
Does she say why she ca't go on the potty?
If you left her on her own and didn't watch would she go?
Sometimes when mummy is stressed out it passes onto the child, I understand why you have concerns but children can pick up on these things.
If it continues to be an issue, maybe a quick appt at the docs, make sure it's not that it hurts when she goes or anything like that.

Poor little thing, hope you get it sorted soon.
#26
Lulu'sMammy
Sazzy, i'll get that tomorrow from store then if they have it. I dont care if she has 5 pottys, aslong as something works. Although out of all of them she goes on her huggies freebie potty the most!!


I think it's just a web exclusive for mothercare & not sure where else sell them instore. It's helped my tiddler loads - I just wish I could get her to go back to bed at 4.30/5am after she wakes up for a wee!

babyxxxxx
school might help, her seeing the other children go, the only other thing i can think of which worked with my daughter (not scared of the potty but was of the loo) is making a point your going to the toilet and making sure she knows your happy about it, making up your own song about going to the loo. i know sounds mental, it might be a bit simple for her like she'll know what your doing, my daughter is autistic so its all i know simple language and singing to get her attension, so its all i know, but it might work, guess anythings worth a shot


Pre-school is definitely helping my little one as the older ones all go off when they need to go & the younger ones are now doing the same.

At home I take her to the toilet with me when I go, she laughs at the sound of wee bless her.

We have had a few relapse days since since she became fully toilet trained (mainly since she found out about new baby) but I try to reassure her as much as possible.
#27
Yes got Gina Ford, and no she just says i cant.
When she asks for a nappy, she means to just wee in and then put her pants back on. She even says dirty to the nappy, so she is definitly ready, its just a case of unable too.
#28
10 out of 10 for her indurance!! i guess there are 2 options. 1 is to get the nappies back on (all kids are different and maybe she will be ready later rather than sooner) Option 2 is that you have a waterproof sheet, leave the nappies off at night too, and resign yourself to a week or so of no/little sleep. She might wake to go, she might wet the bed - which will wake her! If the latter is the case - just be really calm and ask her to try and use the potty or loo next time?
#29
Try sitting her on the potty until she does a wee, keep her distracted with books, tv, whatever you can, maybe once she relaxs she will be able to do it and the more she can do it the less the fear?

Any kids you can have round to the house that are similar sort of age but potty trained? Seeing other kids go and nothing bad happening could help? Big praise when they done

Know you said you tried stickers, but stickers just for sitting on the toilet/potty? Stickers for trying but not doing anything. The more she uses it the less scary it should be, and the calmer she is the more likely she will be able to do something.

Let her see you using toilet so she can see nothing bad happens, no big deal?

Edited By: kelly_o_fanatic on Jan 13, 2011 21:40
#30
Maybe she has had a little water infection? If its hurt to do a wee because she had a water infection then she then wont want to do a wee and now in a vicious cycle of holding it in makes it hurt and it hurting means she doesnt want to go and is holding it in.
#31
Have taken all ideas onboard and will let you know how i get on tomorrow! Someone said to put a malteser in the toilet so she can wee on it....i think i might have a go lol!
[mod][Moderator]#32
Have you tried one of the potties that plays a tune when a wee is done, worked for my son 16 yrs ago ( he'll kill me for mentioning that lol ) have bought one for the lo's to try when they're ready x
#33
Maybe a tiny tears doll (or similar) one that wees so you can explain wot happens with drinks and wees and that it has to come out. If her doll is having a wee, maybe she will try too?
#34
wishihadadonkey
Have you tried one of the potties that plays a tune when a wee is done, worked for my son 16 yrs ago ( he'll kill me for mentioning that lol ) have bought one for the lo's to try when they're ready x
Yes thats the one ive got, the royal potty.
#35
My little boy has that potty LLM but we knew he would be scared of the noise it made so didn't even put the batteries in. Glad we never, he loves it.
#36
sounds really daft - but have you tried turning on the tap - they reckon it really does work ?

or a sticker chart on the door so she sticks on on as she goes out of the room and can see it while she is sat on the loo ?

the other idea (strange i know) is reading her a story while she is sat there - we used to do it for our little girl when she needed to poo - just wondered if she sat for a few minutes and relaxed with her fave story - my little one always wants to join in if its something like 'Going on a Bear Hunt' and maybe she would do it without thinking ?

Good luck ;)
1 Like #37
I think the potty is a waste of time, Skip the middle man out, Stick her on the loo, What's the point in training them to use a potty and then to use the loo? Do you use a potty? She wants to be like you.

Clearly she's got a phobia and probably feels she'd let you down if she had a wee or perhaps it's got to a cycle were the thought of having a wee in a potty is simply unbearable to her.

I'd stick her back in nappies for now, Perhaps try her again in a few weeks, Let her confidence build up.

Clearly a psychological problem as opposed to a medical condition as she's happy to wee in a nappy.

Does she let you know when she's having a wee? or a poo? If so you could rip her nappy off and stick her on the loo mid-stream, then give her lot's of praise.

My 4th daughter was stubborn similar issues as you with her, Lacked confidence, She was still in nappies at pre-school but not for long, We let her chose some "big girl pants" seemed to give her all the encouragement she needed and with the odd couple of accidence success, Praised her well and she felt proud herself, Wasn't long before she was out of them at night as well.

Edited By: shauneco on Jan 13, 2011 23:02: cos
#38
Sounds exactly like how my daughter was 3 months ago!! Although she is not yet dry at night she is fine during the day. I had massive problems with her and she was due to start pre school so was very desperate for her to be dry. She knew exactly what to do on the potty (as she done it a few times) and when she needed a wee but just wouldnt go..she would cry and cry and hold it in and dance til she wet herself. In the end i put her back into nappies..it was only for a few weeks but she had developed a fear of the toilet and potty and wouldnt go near it so i had to. When i wanted to try again and she had calmed down a bit i took her to toys r us and let her choose the big girls potty (she chose the musical one you wee on in pink) and she loved it. She didnt take a lot of encouragement..maybe a few big girl stickers and sweets and has had no accidents since!!
#39
Have you tried putting the nappy on when she asks but getting her to sit on the potty with it on, that way she'll start to associate the potty with the wee, and then maybe sitting on the nappy on the potty but without it being fastened ... eventually doing away with the nappy altogether ? Whatever you do she needs to be in control so as suggested above make it fun and dont pressure her - she will do it one day when she's ready - and probably when you least expect it !
#40
vraptorchick
Have you tried putting the nappy on when she asks but getting her to sit on the potty with it on, that way she'll start to associate the potty with the wee, and then maybe sitting on the nappy on the potty but without it being fastened ... eventually doing away with the nappy altogether ? Whatever you do she needs to be in control so as suggested above make it fun and dont pressure her - she will do it one day when she's ready - and probably when you least expect it !

I was told to do this when my daughter was struggling with no. 2's. She was so scared but it did seem to help. You could maybe try a dolly that wee's so she can take it with her for trips to the toilet. My second daughter didn't really like the potty so I got her one of those soft toilet seats and she wen't straight onto the toilet no probs. Try not to worry she is still young and I know everyone will tell you she will do it in her own time which is so true. I think nursery school will help her on her way, my daughter loved the baby toilets and sinks! Best of luck x

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