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Peter Kay-legend one liners

skusey Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

9) Sex is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

13) You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither

14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before
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skusey Avatar
8y, 7m agoPosted 8 years, 7 months ago
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#1
13) You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither

my favourite :thumbsup:
#2
I thought Peter Kay was awesome when I originally saw his material. Still love his DVDs and shows. Been there, done that, got the T-shirts (GARLIC BREAD?).

BUT, I really do dislike the chap now. Mainly because he's turned into a bit of a money-grabbing *******. Live at MEN Arena was exactly the same as Bolton Albert Halls and The Best of Peter Kay was material from the other DVDs. Poor show. Further proved in the function of his "website" which is merely a shop rather than bringing him any closer to his fans.

I suppose the true reality of Kay's personality is probably shown in the fact that many of those who worked on Phoenix Nights have fallen out with him for one reason or another: Dave Spikey, Daniel Kitson, Neil Fitzmaurice.

Review of his latest stand-up DVD (which was merely a "best of" DVD)

I think the guy's work is great, but he'll only re-gain my respect when he brings out some new material. I wonder how much of it Dave Spikey must have originally written?
#3
duckmagicuk2
I thought Peter Kay was awesome when I originally saw his material. Still love his DVDs and shows. Been there, done that, got the T-shirts (GARLIC BREAD?).

BUT, I really do dislike the chap now. Mainly because he's turned into a bit of a money-grabbing *******. Live at MEN Arena was exactly the same as Bolton Albert Halls and The Best of Peter Kay was material from the other DVDs. Poor show. Further proved in the function of his "website" which is merely a shop rather than bringing him any closer to his fans.

I suppose the true reality of Kay's personality is probably shown in the fact that many of those who worked on Phoenix Nights have fallen out with him for one reason or another: Dave Spikey, Daniel Kitson, Neil Fitzmaurice.

Review of his latest stand-up DVD (which was merely a "best of" DVD)

I think the guy's work is great, but he'll only re-gain my respect when he brings out some new material. I wonder how much of it Dave Spikey must have originally written?



agreed xx
#4
I don't mind him ... but I think he has become over rated.
#5
duckmagicuk2
I thought Peter Kay was awesome when I originally saw his material. Still love his DVDs and shows. Been there, done that, got the T-shirts (GARLIC BREAD?).

BUT, I really do dislike the chap now. Mainly because he's turned into a bit of a money-grabbing *******. Live at MEN Arena was exactly the same as Bolton Albert Halls and The Best of Peter Kay was material from the other DVDs. Poor show. Further proved in the function of his "website" which is merely a shop rather than bringing him any closer to his fans.

I suppose the true reality of Kay's personality is probably shown in the fact that many of those who worked on Phoenix Nights have fallen out with him for one reason or another: Dave Spikey, Daniel Kitson, Neil Fitzmaurice.

Review of his latest stand-up DVD (which was merely a "best of" DVD)

I think the guy's work is great, but he'll only re-gain my respect when he brings out some new material. I wonder how much of it Dave Spikey must have originally written?

Interesting info, along the lines of Harry Enfield - but he didn't seem to have any idea what-so-ever of comedy once the real comedians/comic writers had moved on. I think that Kay is at his funniest talking about his mum and nan and the playground at school (It's spitting - always cracks me up); they seem to be 'him'.
I think that Peter Kay - the product - is understandable in this day and age when Geri Halliwell is an author and UNICEF ambassador.

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