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Playground nonsense

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I am so annoyed today! I just have to vent!!! Its about my daughter, whose 7. She has been at the school since 2006 - shes a lovely little girl, outgoing, friendly and fun. She gets on with everyone a… Read More
bargainhunter2009 Avatar
7y, 10m agoPosted 7 years, 10 months ago
I am so annoyed today! I just have to vent!!! Its about my daughter, whose 7. She has been at the school since 2006 - shes a lovely little girl, outgoing, friendly and fun. She gets on with everyone and has loads of friends (or so I thought!). However, the little girls in her school are so nasty. She is friends with all of them but yet she never gets invited to her parties. It seems like a trivial matter but to me it isnt. The parents in her school are pretty horrible and its prob them telling them to exclude my daughter. It seems that out of everyone, my daughter the only one excluded.

My daughter has a new friend at the school who only joined at the end of last year. However, she gets invited to everything. I was bullied at school and I am so worried my daughter will be too as if its starting now as she is being excluded from things (and is the only one to be) then where will this end. I dont want her to be bullied like me.
bargainhunter2009 Avatar
7y, 10m agoPosted 7 years, 10 months ago
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#1
Maybe she isn't as popular as you think?

If it is the parents, then it isn't anything to do with the "little girls" being nasty is it? I don't think 7 year olds can go against their parents wishes.
#2
thesaint
Maybe she isn't as popular as you think?

If it is the parents, then it isn't anything to do with the "little girls" being nasty is it? I don't think 7 year olds can go against their parents wishes.


I have seen her in the playground and in the classroom when I have helped out, she gets on with everyone. I think its a bit of both - parents and their kids. The kids are the ones who choose who they want to go to their parties. All the parents are in their little gangs at school, I am quiet and dont stand with them
#3
At that age the kids invited to parties usually revolve around the parents friendship group rather than the kids group. At our school there are a few of us that invite the kids friends but most invite their friends instead. I dont understand it but thats the way it seems to work, when my eldest started school it was more kids inviting friends but lately its switched.

As they get older and into High school, it changes, you hardly know the other kids parents, and the kids invite whoever they want. :)

If you are worried your child may be having problems, try having a quiet chat with th teacher, maybe worth you starting to invite friends round for tea after school, that way you can help her make stronger friendships, it also allows you to get to know the other parents.
#4
My son is now 9 but when he was 5-6 he used to go to every party but as they got older all the parents split into little groups and now the parties are more for the parents friends than for the kids ,The wife has about 5 or 6 friends at school and they invite there kids to parties and everyone else does the same, Your daughter could be the most popular kid at school but thats not always what it is about,
#5
tonyg1962
My son is now 9 but when he was 5-6 he used to go to every party but as they got older all the parents split into little groups and now the parties are more for the parents friends than for the kids ,The wife has about 5 or 6 friends at school and they invite there kids to parties and everyone else does the same, Your daughter could be the most popular kid at school but thats not always what it is about,


Thank you. Thing is the new girl that started - her mum is my friend. Thats what is annoying me, the fact they invite the new girl and not my daughter. Her mum is like me, quite quiet and doesnt socialise with the other mums (like me)
#6
bargainhunter2009
I have seen her in the playground and in the classroom when I have helped out, she gets on with everyone. I think its a bit of both - parents and their kids. The kids are the ones who choose who they want to go to their parties. All the parents are in their little gangs at school, I am quiet and dont stand with them


The kids won't choose at that age. They may say who they want to go, but it's the parents that choose.

Do you invite them to your daughters parties, and do they come?
1 Like #7
Quick question for you. Have you had any of those friends coming over to play with your daughter at home after school ?

Does your daughter goes to any outside school activity with any other girls?

A few tips that may help:
1. Try a few outside activities where other girls from her class go. (ballet, swimming, Gymanstics)
2. Celebrate a brithday party and invite a lot of her friends even if they didn't invite her. This might help and you could see how it goes in the party and meet the parents.
3. Invite other girls to come over to play with your daughter after school (this obviously requires the mother to talk to the other mothers) so is not a challenge just for your daughter but for you as well.
4. Sleepover believe me or not are a massive difference, you really get to know the children and their parents and the kids simply love it.

So everything is a social experience, is hard believe me, but you have to step in.

What we did was to do big parties whilst they are between 4 and 6 and invite all of them or most of them . Once they are 7 onward we start to go half, and I believe next time it will only be a few.

And normally these few are the ones that she spent most of her time. That does not mean that she is not friends with the others.

So this might be what is happening with your daugther she plays at school but when they do parties she is left out because the other kids spent more time after school together. Try the tea option that some mentioned here.
1 Like #8
bargainhunter2009
Thank you. Thing is the new girl that started - her mum is my friend. Thats what is annoying me, the fact they invite the new girl and not my daughter. Her mum is like me, quite quiet and doesnt socialise with the other mums (like me)


That could just be the mums being nosey and checking her out,It sounds awful but the mums are much worse than the kids, you find that the loudest most obnoxious mums get invited to the parties because nobody dare leave them out,It sounds like your missing out because your a nice person,
banned 1 Like #9
why dont you have a party and invite the other kids and their parents? That might get the ball rolling a bit, or atleast get a few invites when it is the turn of the others to have parties?
#10
If your daughter had any issues with any of the children - it should be brought up at parents evening - if not before! You could have a casual conversation with her class teacher - just to make sure that she is happy, and plays with other during play time.

My son was bullied when he started at reception. He endured half a term of it before it came to my attention. When I asked him why he hadn't told me, he said 'you're not there- what can you do about it?' Obviously I spoke to the teacher, and the situation was watched closely, and the boy eventually was punished by missing play. Now, we make a habit of sitting down in the evening, asking each other how our days have been, and whether there are any problems or niggles that need sorting out.

My son also doesn't get invited to all of the parties - though he is a happy pleasant little boy, he isn't everybody's best friend, and is very selective but loyal to the friends he does play with.

Also when invites go out, they often go out to the mums that the parents see - and then the teacher might have to give them out - or even the child - in the class room. Party invites often go missing in bags or in the kids trays. In hindsight, I know this has happened to us but at the time I was offended because my son hadn't gone to the party!
1 Like #11
Sounds like our school to be honest, the mums all split into little cliques and all stick to that, its easier for me being one of the few Dads who do the school run as they all speak to me and can have a laugh, but god help any mums who arent in their clique, seriously the atmosphere between mums groups is hostile at the best, even my partner gets shunned when I dont.

As said before its ridiculous the parents choose who gets invited not the kids, its like forcing on your kids who they can and cant be friends with!


Women! you need a degree to understand them!
1 Like #12
tonyg1962
That could just be the mums being nosey and checking her out,It sounds awful but the mums are much worse than the kids, you find that the loudest most obnoxious mums get invited to the parties because nobody dare leave them out,It sounds like your missing out because your a nice person,


Aah nice point!
1 Like #13
When my kids were younger and having parties, I used to feel obliged to invite everyone who had invited them - maybe you should have a party and invite all the girls from her class, and then they'll probably invite her in return. If it's not her birthday soon, maybe plan an end of school year party or something?
#14
asandino
What we did was to do big parties whilst they are between 4 and 6 and invite all of them or most of them . Once they are 7 onward we start to go half, and I believe next time it will only be a few. .


Yes I do the same with my kids! Though I think the 7th birthday will only be a few - I'll take them somewhere special and maybe do a sleep over.

Playground politics is hard to get your head round - but the good thing is the kids rarely notice a thing!
1 Like #15
Butterflies
Yes I do the same with my kids! Though I think the 7th birthday will only be a few - I'll take them somewhere special and maybe do a sleep over.

Playground politics is hard to get your head round - but the good thing is the kids rarely notice a thing!


very true xx
#16
Thanks so much everyone, I feel a lot happier now! I may get my daughter to have a few friends over.

I am not in the clique of mums which several of you mentioned. To be honest, I dread standing in the playground when they are all in their little groups. I really hate standing there after school! Thanks so much to everyone for the positive replies! rep to you all
#17
bargainhunter2009
Thanks so much everyone, I feel a lot happier now! I may get my daughter to have a few friends over.

I am not in the clique of mums which several of you mentioned. To be honest, I dread standing in the playground when they are all in their little groups. I really hate standing there after school! Thanks so much to everyone for the positive replies! rep to you all



When my daughter started school we had not long moved into the area, having been moved out of the city we had grown up in, as I had been badly attacked, we knew nobody in the area and i was still very shaken by the attack, I found that by having the small social things like tea after school helped build my confidence and settle into the area, I was able to make friends and talk to the other parents, although I am not in any particular clique at school, I can happily talk to any of the various cliques now.
I was lucky as I was also able to forge some really good friendships and even though some of the kids are not close any more I still meet up with the parents.

Good luck, :)
#18
Yeh they all gather in their groups round here,but I don't really care.
My children do get invited to odd party but my son is generally singled out at times cos autistic and cos some odd things have happened at school,kids telling other parents and so on...my daughter gets tarred with same brush too I find even though they 2 very different people.
Noone speaks to my partner either so it's not just me!
1 Like #19
Also the thing about birthday parties is not every child will have 1 every year and if only a few get invited from class,reasons why your child might not get invited might because they just wanting a few round if at home as they have lots of cousins and other family members round and friends that are outside of school. Then if they renting a hall,there is usually a limited capacity,so time some people have invited a lot of children from family and outside school friends,they might only be able to invite a few from school class.
#20
I think what annoyed me is the party is at a local place, an activity centre. The new girl never invited the girl who invited her today to her party (my daughter went to the new girls party). Its not the first time either this has happenned which has annoyed me more.
banned 1 Like #21
bargainhunter2009
Thanks so much everyone, I feel a lot happier now! I may get my daughter to have a few friends over.

I am not in the clique of mums which several of you mentioned. To be honest, I dread standing in the playground when they are all in their little groups. I really hate standing there after school! Thanks so much to everyone for the positive replies! rep to you all


I dont assocaite with anyone at the school, a quick hello is about it from me, i have my friends and they are friends because we get on not because our children do, my son gets invited to lots of parties and his parties he chooses who comes, sometimes to my disbelief, i could hardly choose them as i dont know them, as long as your daughter is getting on at school and happy thats all that matters
1 Like #22
Never take it personally! If your little girl is happy at school and generally has no problems then don't worry. The clickiness in school playgrounds is horrid - smile and say hello and leave with your girly. I help with the school PTFA because I feel it's important but I now avoid all the clickiness - it nearly drove me mad! But the kids are happy and so now I just avoid the clicks!
banned#23
try looking at it differently. you always had this need for friends around you and felt hurt when you got bullied and was left alone.

teach your child to not be so needy, like you once were. make her feel and think shes better than them. so what? teach her respect but also not to depend on anyone and to be self suffiecient. let her know shes special and if anyone wants to play with her thats good and if not then its their loss.
push her a little on her strengths. make her stand out from the crowd. use the time you have when she doesnt get invited to sit with her and enjoy things as a parent child.

shes not getting bullied. you say she is friends with all the girls, just that she doesnt get invited to the parties. dont let her get that negative thought you already have going on. otherwise its a downward spiral of never ending questions. make her think positive and keep positive,

so what if she doesnt get invited to parties? just make sure that the issues you have doesnt jeopardise her friendships with the kids. its not a competition of the parents..dont let your feud get in the way of your childs development.

instead as a parent get involved in school activities in which most kids have to attend and you are heading the event?
#24
Our daughter's last school in Cornwall was mental. It sounded just like the one's described here but worse. All the mum's split into little groups and you could spot them a mile off. There was the local rich-kid's group, the RAF group, the Cornish group and worst of all, the group of mums who were all 'involved' with the school like PTA etc. They even had their own pecking order in parking spaces!

Heaven help you if you tried to talk to any of them. Such a shame because the kids were actually quite nice but sooner or later this sort of pathetic behaviour will start to make an impression on them.

I think it gets easier as the kids get older - ours is 11 now and it's not too bad at all at her current school, althoug now weher we live, the people's heads aren't up their a***s as much as in Cornwall..
banned#25
invites to PARTIES doesn't prove anything..................My kids get the odd party invites..........But at school they have loads of friends and get on with mostly everyone........... And are very happy at school. Most importantly............. no complains from my kids about bullying !!!.........:-D:thumbsup:
#26
Take her to a martial art school where she'll learn self-control and self-confidence. She won't be bullied and will make more friends than you would in school. And if someone ever attempts to bully her, she'll be able to give them a slap and remind them who's boss.
1 Like #27
suchafunkymonkey
Take her to a martial art school where she'll learn self-control and self-confidence. She won't be bullied and will make more friends than you would in school. And if someone ever attempts to bully her, she'll be able to give them a slap and remind them who's boss.


I've actually done this with my boy, after him being bullied. Not so that he can bully back - but so that he gains confidence and also learns respect, discipline and social skills.

My son is learning Judo. In 4 months there is a vast improvement in his self confidence and he is not anywhere near as 'scared' as he was of taking a little knock.

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