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Post natal depression (quite long)

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I had depression before i was pregnant but it was never diagnosed, a few days after having my daughter i got baby blues where i pretty much rejected her to the point i didn't even want to feed her. A … Read More
xSpoiltPrincessx Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
I had depression before i was pregnant but it was never diagnosed, a few days after having my daughter i got baby blues where i pretty much rejected her to the point i didn't even want to feed her. A few weeks later my mood completely turned, i felt very protective of her and thought i may have post natal depression. I spoke to my health visitor and she said she couldn't refer me to anyone so i would have to see the gp. I saw the gp and they told me to fill out a form and give it back to them, about a week later they called and said i needed to fill 3 more forms! I did leave it a bit late but it was quite a struggle for me to go to the health visitor and the gp so for them to say i need to fill in more forms just makes it harder. My daughter is now 7 months old and for the past few weeks i've been feeling fed up with everything and very suicidal, i love my daughter to bits but i just feel so useless to her. Can anyone offer any advice or anything. Thanks.
xSpoiltPrincessx Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
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#1
Why the depression? What's the reason behind it.
1 Like #2
hi hun sorry to hear this,PM me if you want to talk,ive been through a similair thing HUGS xx
1 Like #3
dont think you are alone

your dr should be struck off

see if theres anyone here who can help - apart from lovely peeps on here

http://www.mama.co.uk/default.asp?id=64
#4
MarzBarz
Why the depression? What's the reason behind it.

there doesnt have to be a particular reason it sometimes just happens
1 Like #5
I found this article after my daughters baby was born but luckily she didn't need it I had it after my third baby but luckily it only lasted a couple of weeks


http://www.yourfamily.org.uk/parenting_zone/family_matters_/health/coping_with_postnatal_depression?gclid=COqYyYCK0poCFQ2T3wodezYf3Q

hope this will be of some use to you and just keep telling yourself that you are a good mum
#6
I think you should ask to see another GP. All this form filling is utterly pointless when it's clear you require treatment.
#7
MarzBarz;5297507
Why the depression? What's the reason behind it.


I had depression throughout my childhood due to family problems but not sure why i have it now, may just be the depression from before with hormones or something else.
banned 1 Like #8
you seriously need to get on top of tis, leaving things will not help, to be fair if you where depressed before the pregnancy its unlikely its post natal depression, post natal depression is exactly that, depression through having a baby, hormone changes, etc,etc if needs be change gp and get on top of this
#9
MarzBarz
Why the depression? What's the reason behind it.


depression is often down to a chemical imbalance in the brain, there doesn't need to be a specific reason for it.
#10
francescaseaman;5297512
hi hun sorry to hear this,PM me if you want to talk,ive been through a similair thing HUGS xx


holly100;5297514
dont think you are alone

your dr should be struck off

see if theres anyone here who can help - apart from lovely peeps on here

http://www.mama.co.uk/default.asp?id=64


jeany123;5297532
I found this article after my daughters baby was born but luckily she didn't need it I had it after my third baby but luckily it only lasted a couple of weeks


http://www.yourfamily.org.uk/parenting_zone/family_matters_/health/coping_with_postnatal_depression?gclid=COqYyYCK0poCFQ2T3wodezYf3Q

hope this will be of some use to you and just keep telling yourself that you are a good mum


thanks :)
banned#11
xSpoiltPrincessx
I had depression throughout my childhood due to family problems but not sure why i have it now, may just be the depression from before with hormones or something else.


had you had treatment for this before your pregnancy?
1 Like #12
xSpoiltPrincessx
I had depression throughout my childhood due to family problems but not sure why i have it now, may just be the depression from before with hormones or something else.


Hun, go back to your GP, and tell them you need some help. I would recomend asking for some blood tests aswell, incase it is a chemical imbalance. I have sufferd with depression for years, and I thought it was down to a few traumatic experiences, it may have partialy been (nothing like being accused of trying to kill your best friend to make ya feel oh so great...) but it turned out most of it was down to chemicals in my body being off kilter.

Goodluck
1 Like #13
sassie;5297551
had you had treatment for this before your pregnancy?


I had a bit of counselling through school but it didn't really help. Went once a few years ago but it was too much so i didn't go again.
1 Like #14
Honey if you're feeling suicidal get back to the GP and tell them that. Tell them filling in forms isnt helping you, you need some help and support, and you need it NOW. Don't worry about upsetting the GP or anything, they need to be providing you with more help than they have done already.

The forms you've filled in so far are probably the usual ones you have to fill out for anyone who needs access to counselling on the NHS. Questions such as "How much do your feelings effect the people around you?" and you have to mark off a little or a lot. Counselling places are so few this is the way they prioritise need. If you are feeling suicidal, you are priority need, sweetheart.

I know you wouldn't ever do anything daft as your little one relies on you, but I understand how it feels to feel that the people you love would be better off without you. They wouldn't, you know. Your little one only has one Mum and only you can fulfil her needs as a real Mum can. You're vitally important to her, she can't grow into the wonderful little person she will undoubtably be if she doesn't have you to guide her. None of us are perfect Mums, but no-one else can do it for us, we're the only ones who can Mummy our own children.

Consider whether you would take anti-depressants. The GP may suggest these to you.

Have you thought about making a list each day of all you have to do. Just simple things like,

Tidy the kitchen.
Make dinner.

And mark off with a big tick when you've completed your jobs. This may help show you you are progressing and achieving something each day. Allow yourself a small reward for every task you complete, such as a nice cup of tea, a steaming hot bubble bath or a phone call to a friend. Make sure you make time to relax and enjoy yourself in small ways such as these.

It's hard being a Mum. No-one is there to recognise all you do except for yourself. You have to reward yourself sweetie for all you do.

Your little one won't be small forever and this wont be the way you live forever, it's just a stage of your life, in a yrs time all of it will have changed. How you are feeling now wont last forever either. Remember, things will get better.

If you feel really desperate ever reach out and speak to someone, allow them to help calm you.

Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be fine x x x
banned#15
xSpoiltPrincessx
I had a bit of counselling through school but it didn't really help. Went once a few years ago but it was too much so i didn't go again.


i know its easy for me to say sat here, but the only way to move on is to deal with the issues, nothing can be changed about the past but we can change the future, sometimes there is nothing to do other than put the past behind us so we can move on to a happier future, i know i sound a pompass cow but really for the sake of your daughter you have to make choices, let the past dictate your future, or you dictate it, if you ever wanna chat to a pompass cow your always welcome to pm me
#16
It was just such a struggle to go and see the gp in the first place and i feel like i'm worse since i saw her. Don't know if i can do it again.
1 Like #17
hi, i can empathise with you. with my third child i began feeling awful about 1 week after i had him. i was a mess, my poor husband. i did not tell anybody until about 5 months, i am usually such a stong person and everybody alwqyssaid how i coped brilliantly and wasalways relaxed, on the outside i was good at hiding my feelings but inside i was a mess. my drs were very good, and it fet a relief to tell somebody.

when i was pregnant with my fourth i knew i would feel down after having him. but again i kept it too myself.
i did finally call the drs and they saw me the same day, i had to fill out the forms and she prescribed me medication. this time i had to take it i was determined i wouldnt waste any more of my life feeling this bad, it was not good for me, my husband or children.

After experiencing all this and knowing what it does to you, i would urge you to please see the dr, they are used to dealing with pnd. Help can be put in place, the health visitor will probably visit you at home regularly to chat etc, and counseeling sessions are available. (i never took up the offers of this though).
i am a very independent person and felt ashamed that i needed to ask for help.But i miss the person i used to be so much and even though my last son is over a year old now i am not there yet but feeling normal again most of the time. if i had asked for help earlier it would have been so much better.

so please even if it is hard, ask for help, tell the dr how desperate you really feel, they will see you and you should not have to wait a week for assessment form to be looked at the dr can calculate the scores while you are there.
i think you are brave for just recognising the signs and asking for help on here.
you are not alone ,
#18
ClarityofMind;5297579
Honey if you're feeling suicidal get back to the GP and tell them that. Tell them filling in forms isnt helping you, you need some help and support, and you need it NOW. Don't worry about upsetting the GP or anything, they need to be providing you with more help than they have done already.

The forms you've filled in so far are probably the usual ones you have to fill out for anyone who needs access to counselling on the NHS. Questions such as "How much do your feelings effect the people around you?" and you have to mark off a little or a lot. Counselling places are so few this is the way they prioritise need. If you are feeling suicidal, you are priority need, sweetheart.

I know you wouldn't ever do anything daft as your little one relies on you, but I understand how it feels to feel that the people you love would be better off without you. They wouldn't, you know. Your little one only has one Mum and only you can fulfil her needs as a real Mum can. You're vitally important to her, she can't grow into the wonderful little person she will undoubtably be if she doesn't have you to guide her. None of us are perfect Mums, but no-one else can do it for us, we're the only ones who can Mummy our own children.

Consider whether you would take anti-depressants. The GP may suggest these to you.

Have you thought about making a list each day of all you have to do. Just simple things like,

Tidy the kitchen.
Make dinner.

And mark off with a big tick when you've completed your jobs. This may help show you you are progressing and achieving something each day. Allow yourself a small reward for every task you complete, such as a nice cup of tea, a steaming hot bubble bath or a phone call to a friend. Make sure you make time to relax and enjoy yourself in small ways such as these.

It's hard being a Mum. No-one is there to recognise all you do except for yourself. You have to reward yourself sweetie for all you do.

Your little one won't be small forever and this wont be the way you live forever, it's just a stage of your life, in a yrs time all of it will have changed. How you are feeling now wont last forever either. Remember, things will get better.

If you feel really desperate ever reach out and speak to someone, allow them to help calm you.

Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be fine x x x


Thank you, that actually made me feel a bit better :)
#19
xSpoiltPrincessx
It was just such a struggle to go and see the gp in the first place and i feel like i'm worse since i saw her. Don't know if i can do it again.


This is the nature of depression hon, it makes you feel like something is too hard to do. It isn't you know. You've done much harder things than this.

To make our days better sometimes all we have to do *are the things we think we cannot do*. Just put one foot in front of another walk in there and tell her how you feel. Nothing bad is going to happen. She has to help you or she is guilty of a lack of care. Chin up sweetie, you can do this. See a different doctor if you must, but see someone xx
1 Like #20
Thats what GP's are amde for, go and tell them everything and tell them the advise/medication that they gave you before did not help. Maybe you can confind in a freind and tell them and they can go with for support and get it sorted!!

What about going on holiday so like that you will have time to relax as you have had your first child and can be very stressfull.

Hope everything goes well!! :thumbsup:
#21
excellent suggestion from "clarity of mind" about writing lists this is what i was advised, 5 positive achievements/goals throughout the day.
#22
axapta55;5297604
hi, i can empathise with you. with my third child i began feeling awful about 1 week after i had him. i was a mess, my poor husband. i did not tell anybody until about 5 months, i am usually such a stong person and everybody alwqyssaid how i coped brilliantly and wasalways relaxed, on the outside i was good at hiding my feelings but inside i was a mess. my drs were very good, and it fet a relief to tell somebody.

when i was pregnant with my fourth i knew i would feel down after having him. but again i kept it too myself.
i did finally call the drs and they saw me the same day, i had to fill out the forms and she prescribed me medication. this time i had to take it i was determined i wouldnt waste any more of my life feeling this bad, it was not good for me, my husband or children.

After experiencing all this and knowing what it does to you, i would urge you to please see the dr, they are used to dealing with pnd. Help can be put in place, the health visitor will probably visit you at home regularly to chat etc, and counseeling sessions are available. (i never took up the offers of this though).
i am a very independent person and felt ashamed that i needed to ask for help.But i miss the person i used to be so much and even though my last son is over a year old now i am not there yet but feeling normal again most of the time. if i had asked for help earlier it would have been so much better.

so please even if it is hard, ask for help, tell the dr how desperate you really feel, they will see you and you should not have to wait a week for assessment form to be looked at the dr can calculate the scores while you are there.
i think you are brave for just recognising the signs and asking for help on here.
you are not alone ,


sassie;5297582
i know its easy for me to say sat here, but the only way to move on is to deal with the issues, nothing can be changed about the past but we can change the future, sometimes there is nothing to do other than put the past behind us so we can move on to a happier future, i know i sound a pompass cow but really for the sake of your daughter you have to make choices, let the past dictate your future, or you dictate it, if you ever wanna chat to a pompass cow your always welcome to pm me


I really want to sort myself out for my daughter and my hubby, he had enough to deal with when i was pregnant!
I honestly don't feel like me anymore, i used to be able to hide it but i think it's pretty obvious now. My mum also suffered with pnd and i don't want my daughter to feel the way i did.
1 Like #23
Well I'm a man so probably won't be of much help but your one fine lady (just look in the mirror) and a great mum and I hope you get things sorted and enjoy life.:)
banned#24
hun do you know what the real problem is, you dont have to go into it, but do you know why you feel like you do?
#25
The form may well be something like Beck's depression Inventory which is used to determine how severe your symptoms are- I know that won't help you and if you're feeling this low I strongly agree with people saying you should go back to your doctor, but at least it might make sense what your Dr is upto. Please please seek help though, if things get too much you can always go to A&E, and confide in someone close so they know what's going on. All the best hun, take care of yourself xxx
#26
I think with PND there isn't a 'cause' as such, other than the massive life change of having a baby. I may be wrong of course and the OP can correct me if there is something she thinks caused it :thumbsup:

sassie
hun do you know what the real problem is, you dont have to go into it, but do you know why you feel like you do?
#27
Naeem786;5297616
Thats what GP's are amde for, go and tell them everything and tell them the advise/medication that they gave you before did not help. Maybe you can confind in a freind and tell them and they can go with for support and get it sorted!!

What about going on holiday so like that you will have time to relax as you have had your first child and can be very stressfull.

Hope everything goes well!! :thumbsup:


The only person that really knows about it is hubby, when we got married i moved to the other side of london so i'm quite far away from my friends. That could a small part to play with pnd.
We are planning to go away for our wedding anniversary so maybe that will help. thanks :)
banned#28
torapoole
I think with PND there isn't a 'cause' as such, other than the massive life change of having a baby. I may be wrong of course and the OP can correct me if there is something she thinks caused it :thumbsup:


she said her mother had pnd, from her other posts this is not pnd she has
#29
sassie;5297640
hun do you know what the real problem is, you dont have to go into it, but do you know why you feel like you do?


I think it's a whole bunch of things to be honest along with things from childhood which makes me wonder if it really is pnd.
#30
Fair enough- I got the impression from the title/post that is what the OP thought she had. Anyway, I'm not going to speak for her, seems presumptious, I'm sure she'll tell us! :)

sassie
she said her mother had pnd, from her other posts this is not pnd she has
#31
Do you think some kind of counseling/ talking to an impartial person about everything would help?? it might be that it was PND initially and it's triggered off some other stuff that needs dealing with?

xSpoiltPrincessx
I think it's a whole bunch of things to be honest along with things from childhood which makes me wonder if it really is pnd.
#32
not sure how much help i would be but am here for a natter if you need it also recomend a cup of tea as well possably a chocolate digestive to go with it x
#33
xSpoiltPrincessx
I really want to sort myself out for my daughter and my hubby, he had enough to deal with when i was pregnant!
I honestly don't feel like me anymore, i used to be able to hide it but i think it's pretty obvious now. My mum also suffered with pnd and i don't want my daughter to feel the way i did.


Often when someone is feeling down they don't want to live for themselves, but they want the people they love to be happy. Honey, the way you are feeling is how a million other women feel also after having a baby. It feels like a thankless job raising a baby. The rewards do come.... just not instantly. You have to have a long-term view of things. Every new thing your little one does is a credit TO YOU. You've been there for her, you've fed her and cleaned her and made sure she's safe, you've raised her. She is YOURS and not only that she is a piece of YOU and she needs you every single day. What you're doing is a wonderful thing. Don't be harsh with yourself, you're a wonderful person, a gorgeus girl and a lovely Mummy, never forget these things.

You don't feel "like yourself" because what you're being at the moment is your little ones Mummy. Your identity has changed and you arent the focus of your world anymore, your little one is. That's why you still need to take a little time each day FOR YOURSELF. Do something you like to do. Let hubby watch baby and go out take a walk, nip down to a local coffee shop or meet a friend for a half hr, just to be YOU and not just little ones Mummy.

You're very intelligent. You know this is PND and that your Mum had it and now you do. You know you've been through some extreme life changes, moving home, getting married, having a baby, its a lot for anyone to deal with. And when we have a child it can bring up lots of things that happened to us during our own childhoods. So dont allow the depression to control you. You have to control it. When you begin thinking "bad" or depressed thoughts, busy yourself with something else so you cant think of them. Retrain your mind to think only in positive ways. When that little voice in your head says, "I hate this... I cant do it..." Go do the washing up or hang some clothes on the line or take your little one to the park. Anything so you don't sit and just think about things unhappily. x x x
banned#34
xSpoiltPrincessx
I think it's a whole bunch of things to be honest along with things from childhood which makes me wonder if it really is pnd.


when we have crap from the past it often rears its ugly head when we are low, pnd is just depression by another name really, had you not had a child it would be depression, after a child they call it post natal depression, when i get low things from the past always seem very prominent whilst most of the time they lay where they should, do try and talk things through with someone, and remember it is ok to feel unhappy about certain things as long as we also remember the future is not the same as the past x
#35
torapoole;5297684
Do you think some kind of counseling/ talking to an impartial person about everything would help?? it might be that it was PND initially and it's triggered off some other stuff that needs dealing with?


I have tried conseling in the past but it hasn't really helped much, i know medication may be best but i am still breastfeeding so i'm not sure how much that limits what i can take. I thought that's what it could have been too.
#36
xSpoiltPrincessx
I have tried conseling in the past but it hasn't really helped much, i know medication may be best but i am still breastfeeding so i'm not sure how much that limits what i can take. I thought that's what it could have been too.


Your GP can advise what drugs can be taken during breastfeeding. Write down your concerns before you go see her if it helps you. Start off with. "I need help now. I have been feeling suicidal."and then allow the GP to advise you x x
#37
ClarityofMind;5297693
Often when someone is feeling down they don't want to live for themselves, but they want the people they love to be happy. Honey, the way you are feeling is how a million other women feel also after having a baby. It feels like a thankless job raising a baby. The rewards do come.... just not instantly. You have to have a long-term view of things. Every new thing your little one does is a credit TO YOU. You've been there for her, you've fed her and cleaned her and made sure she's safe, you've raised her. She is YOURS and not only that she is a piece of YOU and she needs you every single day. What you're doing is a wonderful thing. Don't be harsh with yourself, you're a wonderful person, a gorgeus girl and a lovely Mummy, never forget these things.

You don't feel "like yourself" because what you're being at the moment is your little ones Mummy. Your identity has changed and you arent the focus of your world anymore, your little one is. That's why you still need to take a little time each day FOR YOURSELF. Do something you like to do. Let hubby watch baby and go out take a walk, nip down to a local coffee shop or meet a friend for a half hr, just to be YOU and not just little ones Mummy.

You're very intelligent. You know this is PND and that your Mum had it and now you do. You know you've been through some extreme life changes, moving home, getting married, having a baby, its a lot for anyone to deal with. And when we have a child it can bring up lots of things that happened to us during our own childhoods. So dont allow the depression to control you. You have to control it. When you begin thinking "bad" or depressed thoughts, busy yourself with something else so you cant think of them. Retrain your mind to think only in positive ways. When that little voice in your head says, "I hate this... I cant do it..." Go do the washing up or hang some clothes on the line or take your little one to the park. Anything so you don't sit and just think about things unhappily. x x x


That makes alot of sense. What i tend to do when i feel low is just be by myself which is obviously the worst possible thing to do! Will try taking her to the park from now on i think.
#38
sassie;5297700
when we have crap from the past it often rears its ugly head when we are low, pnd is just depression by another name really, had you not had a child it would be depression, after a child they call it post natal depression, when i get low things from the past always seem very prominent whilst most of the time they lay where they should, do try and talk things through with someone, and remember it is ok to feel unhappy about certain things as long as we also remember the future is not the same as the past x


That's true, i'm away from my past now so i shouldn't let it affect me so much.
#39
ClarityofMind;5297735
Your GP can advise what drugs can be taken during breastfeeding. Write down your concerns before you go see her if it helps you. Start off with. "I need help now. I have been feeling suicidal."and then allow the GP to advise you x x


Thanks, that's a good idea.
banned#40
xSpoiltPrincessx
That's true, i'm away from my past now so i shouldn't let it affect me so much.


my biggest turning point in my life was realising i could talk to jesus himself but nothing could change the past, i could ramble on to 3000 listeners nothing would change what happened, all i could do was move on, feel sad when i felt sad and never feel bad for the way i felt, learning to deal with feeling sad is the easiest way to beat the lot

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