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problem with my friend

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Hi, I am having some problems with a friend of mine who I have been sharing a flat with for 2 years and he is now my landlord. I really need to get it off my chest and perhaps discuss it. Does anyone … Read More
Enemy_of_The_State Avatar
7y, 2m agoPosted 7 years, 2 months ago
Hi, I am having some problems with a friend of mine who I have been sharing a flat with for 2 years and he is now my landlord. I really need to get it off my chest and perhaps discuss it. Does anyone know a good forum for this kind of stuff? Or if it is suitable in this forum, I can post here?
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Enemy_of_The_State Avatar
7y, 2m agoPosted 7 years, 2 months ago
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#1
what the problem

personal or related to the flat
#2
friends are good for a few days but full time is a no
#3
More to do with the friendship itself. I don't know whether to post on here as I know it is going to get long winded, as these things always are!
#4
go for it you will get points from everyone good and bad but thats the great thing we dont all think the same
#5
might as well post it on here, most people post their life stories up so they can normally give advice!
#6
we have all been there at some point
#7
i will say again - elaborate ;)
#8
tell us whats up we have been there done it and bought the t-shirt
#9
allanukscotland
tell us whats up we have been there done it and bought the t-shirt


< has a wardrobe full of em!!!
1 Like #10
Ok, here goes...
#11
cool we will do out best
#12
I have a friend from university that I worked quite closely with and although we only ever met at uni, we got on really well. When we were looking for graduate jobs, we both agreed that if we found a role in the big city that we would move in together. We were lucky enough to find work straight after uni and although it was for different companies our offices were not too far apart. So we moved in together and everything was cool. Generally, I would tell him about what I was getting up to if it was interesting / sociable so that he could join in if he wanted, as I guess any friend would do. However, I noticed that he would keep most of his plans to himself and only tell me at the last minute and/or afterwards. I didn't take too much notice of this as I figured everyone is entitled to their privacy.

In the beginning we did spend a lot of time together and everything was cool But after a while, I began to notice there was this growing distance and he wasn't as willing to spend time together anymore. So I took it on to see what is going with him and it seemed like everything was fine but he just had too much on the go. He told me that he is looking for a place to buy with his girlfriend and that he would like me to move in with him until they eventually get married. As the marriage was almost a year away, I told him that was ok with me. Even though we had this talk, he was still keeping things to himself and the distance was growing.

Fast forwarding to December just last year, he bought a place and told me what the rent would be roughly. So we straight away gave our notice in for our flat to move out on the 18th Jan so as to minimise the amount he would have to pay for his empty new place and the current flat. We then both went to our own respective hometowns for the Christmas break. Just before the new year, he sent me a message saying that he wanted his cousin to move in with him instead. I rang him back to speak with him and he told me that I don't have to move in with him but if I do then he needs me to move out by March. I told him that let's talk properly face to face when we are back but for now as it is short notice I would have to move in with him and then I can move on after that. Once we returned from holidays, I brought up the topic and he just gave me the dates and move in details. He said that his cousin's tenancy agreement runs out in March that's why he needs me to move out. But what I really wanted to know was why he suddenly wanted his cousin to move in with him instead. In the end I didn't ask it directly as it looked like he was avoiding to tell me this so I figured that perhaps everything built up to this moment and that our friendship was over. I mean was he trying to tell me that our friendship is over without actually saying it?

About a week before moving out, whilst at work he sent me another message saying his cousin was moving in on the 18th Feb and he needed me out by then. I replied back saying it is a bit short notice so let's talk tonight once we get home. But he sent me a long winded message saying I can find another place easily if I put my mind to it. I was a little taken back by his harsh words and this kind of confirmed to me that he was no longer acting as a friend. As I expected, he didn't discuss this any further when in person, but when we were both in the kitchen that evening I jokingly asked him: so you are evicting me before I have moved in? And he began to laugh and said no, but just try to move out before then. I asked him what happens if I don't manage to find a place, his reply was cold and business like: we will cross that bridge once we get to it. Since his new place is on the top floor of a block. I decided to make arrangements so that I can keep half of my belongings (which I wouldn't need day to day) at my relatives house. A few days before our move out day, for the first time in months he came into my room and told me that he got the dates wrong and that his cousin was moving in on the 18th March, so I can stay until then if I want. At this point I was extremely disappointed in him and I felt like I shouldn't move in with him at all but I had no other place to go so I didn't say anything.

January the 18th came, we moved into his new place. I began to look for a new place immediately as I figured he wants me to leave as soon as possible. When he was sorting out his costs to see what to charge me, I sat down him and told him that I will trust him to bill me fairly and honestly by basing it on my move in date and the fact that I am staying for the short term; so as to not charge me for the setup of utilities like broadband and land line. He sent me the first month's bill by email it looked very high compared to our old flat, so I asked him if I can pay weekly as I don't know if I will be staying the full month. At this point I realised that I hadn't actually told him my intentions of leaving asap, but I thought that was implied anyway because it seemed he wanted me out ASAP. I told him I don't want to stay too long as it is much further away from work than I had thought, rent + bills worked out to be more than we were paying before. In addition, I didn't have space for all of my things so I can't justify spending this much on a place that is short term and I can't settle in. At this point he got his knickers in a twist and tried to say that by law, a tenant has to give at least 1 month's notice to leave so I have to stay for a month at least. I reminded him that we didn't sign any contract so I was under no obligation. He told me he will bring the rent down if I stay for a full month. In the name of the friendship which we HAD, I compromised a lower rent with the condition that I can leave after Feb 18 or minus 1 week if I find a place sooner. However, when it came to actually sorting out the payment, he said he worked it out again and he needed me to pay an extra 20 quid for the rent - so effectively, I would be paying the original asking rent but would not be paying for the bills. At this point I could not be bothered with hearing his justification regarding the added cost, so I just agreed to his demand and made the transfer to his account.

My flatmate was then due to go on holiday. During this time I had the flat to myself and I was mostly out at work and/or looking for flat-shares at internet cafes (since there is no internet in this flat). One the weekend, when doing my laundry I found my flatmates mortgage letter with all the payment details. I probably shouldn't have read it but after looking at the figures it seems my landlord is charging me an extra 100 pounds for rent than he should be - since he told me he would look to split the mortgage payment 50/50 with me and then add bills on top. I think since the mortgage went through a few weeks before we moved in, he is having to pay for that too, so was looking to recoup that from me by charging me an extra 100 pounds in rent alone.

He returned from holiday this week and has been trying to get chummy with me. He has said to me that he needs me to stay until March if I can but will also understand if I leave before then. Clearly, this looks like he is using me to meet his ends but sometimes when we sit down, it seems like we are still mates, but when we talk about things that actually matter he seems to be incredibly self-centred and arrogant.

Makes me think, is he a friend by name but a foe by nature?

Anyhow, I have found a suitable flat. I move on the 19th Feb and will look to put this whole mess of a relationship behind me. He has put me through a lot of stress over the last few weeks. Only question is should I keep in touch with him or just forget him completely?

PS: Apologies for the length, and yes, I did type some of this before hand.
banned#13
Im sorry but its way to early to read all that. ill leave it to the others...
#14
some friend !

ps my eyes are stinging!

i'd just cut all ties and move out - there's no point trying to get him to give you back any money you paid. i wouldnt bother about it ! just move on and take it as a life lesson well learnt!!
#15
cliffs? lol
#16
numptyj;7773830
cliffs? lol

Cliffs? Sorry, not following you...?
#17
Enemy_of_The_State
Cliffs? Sorry, not following you...?


lol as in that was a lot of information..can someone highlight the main points of it out
#18
sad i would say not a real friend but deep down he still thinks he is one
#19
numptyj
lol as in that was a lot of information..can someone highlight the main points of it out


basically the landlord has been stiffing them outta money - changing minds as and when they have to move out of the flat.. charging more for rent....

get rid.... simple as !
#20
arcangel111;7773828
some friend !

ps my eyes are stinging!

i'd just cut all ties and move out - there's no point trying to get him to give you back any money you paid. i wouldnt bother about it ! just move on and take it as a life lesson well learnt!!

Yeah, sorry about that man. Just it seems to go back from a few months so felt I had to explain a bit.

Yeah I think I should just cut all ties too. Only possible issue I see is that he is friends with a couple of my good mates. And when we all meet he will be there. So means, I will have to tell the other friends about him or I will have to deal with him at some level. I've only discussed with none mutual friends at the moment.
#21
glad ive finished reading that lol

he sounds like and **** to me,sounds like he wants u for the money but prob doesnt like having u around especially as he has girlfriend and maybe u irritate each other after spending a while sharing a place

i would just cut loose from him.if he wants to get back in touch with u im sure he will be able to find u and maybe u can have a friendship again without the whole landlord senario

but in my opinion he doesnt sound much of a mate to be honest
#22
i would say the same but even some friends you are better getten rid of it is still hard to do
#23
numptyj;7773836
lol as in that was a lot of information..can someone highlight the main points of it out

Long story short is that I thought he was a good friend of mine. But it seems he is only interested in how I can benefit him. Once I am no longer needed, he feels he can discard me - which he showed when he initially thought that his cousin was moving in on 18th Feb. I remember how adamant he was for me to move out for that date.
#24
Enemy_of_The_State
Yeah, sorry about that man. Just it seems to go back from a few months so felt I had to explain a bit.

Yeah I think I should just cut all ties too. Only possible issue I see is that he is friends with a couple of my good mates. And when we all meet he will be there. So means, I will have to tell the other friends about him or I will have to deal with him at some level. I've only discussed with none mutual friends at the moment.


personally i wouldnt go into details with other mates just say u wanted ur own space and so did he.i would still go out in a group but just keep it as that
#25
don't think you're gonna get away from him totally.. just leave it - if you see him you see him.. but dont have to stoop to his level and tell everyone what a nasty piece of work he is... just let him get on with it... his loss at the end of the day !
#26
I would say you need some time and space to evaluate the relationship properly. I would move out and then after some time if you still feel you want to try to have some kind of friendship either meet with him to discuss what you feel he has done wrong, write to him making your points, or just let it lie knowing that you have made that decision.
You sound like you are attached to the friendship and get something out of it when it is going well.
If you are going to be friends then it's probably best to do it on an equal footing. No financial ties or shared living arrangements. Make sure you get what you want from the relationship. If he's not interested on this basis it will probably die naturally
#27
i would say he still thinks of you as a friend but one he can drop when he wants you sound like a friend most people would want so i say get rid
#28
I think first off there may be stuff going on with him or he may have a different side. I would have said it doesn't sound like a proper friendship due to the fact you aren't talking about it to each other
#29
I still have a week and a bit to spend in this flat. When he gets all chummy, I just don't know what to do. I know if I reciprocate then it just feels fake as I know I am just ignoring the real issues.
#30
he is your friend when it suits him
#31
Enemy_of_The_State;7773859
I still have a week and a bit to spend in this flat. When he gets all chummy, I just don't know what to do. I know if I reciprocate then it just feels fake as I know I am just ignoring the real issues.

Organise your week and get out as much as possible. Nothing wrong with being fake in these circumstances if it means less stress for you.
The power he has over your living arrangements at the moment does not really allow for an honest relationship.
#32
this in when you find out your true friends
#33
Enemy_of_The_State
I still have a week and a bit to spend in this flat. When he gets all chummy, I just don't know what to do. I know if I reciprocate then it just feels fake as I know I am just ignoring the real issues.


not much u can do when he is obviously avoiding talking about things over so not much point bringing it up again as it may cause an atmosphere just try to spend the minimal amount of time with him thats possible,the week will prob fly by.do u have to wait a week for keys to new flat?was going to suggest spending time there decorating or something?
#34
get rid of him if he was that good of a friend u wouldnt be having this stress u wont lose much
#35
looks like he was a so called good friend but you have found out like most things in life he is not,you just have to move on and remeber everyone is different not all as? ho??
#36
right im of to bed good luck with it hopefully the week will go quick for u
#37
allanukscotland;7773837
sad i would say not a real friend but deep down he still thinks he is one

Yes, I think I agree with you there. I just get the feeling that the friendship that I picture is different from what he has in his mind.

It's true we had some good times together, but I now know that I have better friends out there and I must not get used by this guy in the future.
#38
edjaned;7773867
not much u can do when he is obviously avoiding talking about things over so not much point bringing it up again as it may cause an atmosphere just try to spend the minimal amount of time with him thats possible,the week will prob fly by.do u have to wait a week for keys to new flat?was going to suggest spending time there decorating or something?

The previous guy moves out on the 18th, so that is the earliest I can get the keys. I will look to do the entire move on the 19th. Have a (good) friend that can come help me with a car for that.
#39
it sad mate but true i still think he would count you as a friend but just when it suits him
#40
Thanks for your time guys, I appreciate the interest.

You know which part hurts the most. I helped him get his current job in the city by doing his numerical reasoning test for him - employers use this as a screening test... I feel so naive and stupid.

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