Really, I am going to bed soon! - HotUKDeals
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Really, I am going to bed soon!

WantOne Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
1. BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, carps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM:
An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. SITCOMs:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

8. STRESS PUPPY:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

9. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the carp out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

10.ADMINISPHERE:
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.

Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

11.OHNOSECOND:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.
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WantOne Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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#1
There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!."
--------------------------

CONFESSIONAL
An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many`children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, there I had sex with each of them three times. Priest : Are you sorry for your sins?
Man : What sins ?
Priest What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man : I'm Jewish
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man : I'm telling everybody.!!!!
_________________________

BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. "I'm 90 years old," he says. "90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?" "Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"
_____________________

CALLER QUESTION
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
_____________________

OLD FRED
Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies. The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he places it in his jacket pocket. At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died. "Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it for us all."

Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
tube!"
_____________________

BEAUTIFUL
A man was just waking! up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off.
#2
Loved SITCOM...thats us that is!!
#3
Agent_Silver
Loved SITCOM...thats us that is!!


Not me, You'd have had to be upwardly mobile at least once!!

:-D

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