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Relationship advice needed

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Long story which i dont want to go into here..cos well this is a deals site right? I just want to moan and look for some helpfull words. Me and my partner..well ex partner now, split up because sh…
akme Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
Long story which i dont want to go into here..cos well this is a deals site right?
I just want to moan and look for some helpfull words.

Me and my partner..well ex partner now, split up because she had alot of things to deal with. She was trying to cope with a miscarriage..I was trying to be there for her..but she felt the need to push me away.

We talked and she has asked for some time.

I hate time

We have set a deadline of this friday..Its a case of simply yes or no

Yes she wants to try and make it work..or no she doesnt.

Then i can move on.

Just finding it really hard to cope with this week or not knowing.

any advice?
akme Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
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1 Like #1
Wish it was that easy mate. The only advice I can give is to forget the deadline thing. Give her time. Do the best you can to cope.
2 Likes #2
miscarriage is one of the worst pains, ihave suffered over 10 in 10 years finally gave birth to my beautiful boy on january1st. You both lost a child yes but it is soooooooooo different for a woman . Hormones kick it so u feel mumsy. And then when you lose it you feel ist all ya fault, and you question what you done wrong , what you can do better.
If you truly love her be her rock she needs you. Women say we need space but often we testing you . Maybe a tesxt just with something like" Thinking of you, i am here for you day or night" will be appreciated by her and well what harm can it do.

PM if needed
1 Like #3
There is no right or wrong thing to do in a situation like this sorry mate. Do what your heart tells you.
Hope it all turns out ok.
1 Like #4
Diva1977's advice is great. Space and reassurance is what is needed, not a deadline. Maybe send her some flowes to let her know you are thinking of her.

Sorry for your loss and best of luck.
1 Like #5
Like Diva says, its different for the woman. That child has been a part of her for however long the pregnancy lasted. Losing that means losing a part of you, not an idea or dream, physically and mentally part of the mum.

Not nice for either parent, nor the bystanders, but mum will get hit hardest because her body & mind are aligning themselves to the job ahead and when that all goes, well, they've got a lot of adjusting to do.

Stick in there Akme, if she worth it now, she'll be worth it in a week or 2, a month or even a year.

Time can be good as well as bad!
#6
thanks guys.
Really kind words..and is starting to help me feel abit stronger

Just to mention..the split wasnt my idea..She just felt that she didnt need to be thinking about me as well.

I keep pushing..i keep offering help and support..but get pushed away

i dont want to keep trying if its causing more pain

but she just doesnt know what she wants
1 Like #7
Time is a great healer and everyone grieves at there own pace, you have to give her time and space, sounds like she is not ready to accept your help or support, she needs to do this on her own. Just be patient, I know it will be hard. Good Luck with everything, hope it all works out. xx
banned 1 Like #8
If you really love one another, it'll work out, no matter how much time you give it.
1 Like #9
akme;2476580
thanks guys.
Really kind words..and is starting to help me feel abit stronger

Just to mention..the split wasnt my idea..She just felt that she didnt need to be thinking about me as well.

I keep pushing..i keep offering help and support..but get pushed away

i dont want to keep trying if its causing more pain

but she just doesnt know what she wants

Write her a letter and then she can open and read it in her own time. Write everything you're feeling and when her head and emotions stabilise at least she'll realise you were going through it with her. Best of luck hun :)
2 Likes #10
Your gal is not only dealing with a miscarriage but also dealing with a death of a child that was growing inside her, I don't really think us men will ever know the bond between a Mother and a child but also at the same time it will be hurting you very much..Just because you never had this child inside you doesn't mean that you won't be feeling the pain and hurt of loosing a child also..no words could ever convey what your gal is going through at this moment in time.

By your gal asking for time to think will also show respect on your part for the gal to come to terms hopefully with what she is going through and give her that space that she needs.

I lost my mum 7 months ago to Cancer after looking after her for almost 1 year..for 5 months after she passed away I had no social interaction with my friends and ended up a recluse..hardly going out and trying to see light at the end of the tunnel..it takes time..we all have different ways of coping with a passing of a loved one or for that fact an unborn child.

I really do hope things between you and your gal can be sorted out in the future..take care.
1 Like #11
Just assure her that you will be there for her when she is ready. Send her some flowers and an occasional text to find out how she is doing etc, give her time and stay possitive. Dont see it as the end at the minute, because sometimes when you feel this way it can cause irrational behavior you might regret in the end. Keep your chin up, its not easy but you will get there in the end. Take care
#12
Thanks all for the really good advice..will be adding rep in a min :)

All gone pete tong now because of the power of facebook haha
If its on facebook then its got to be true.
A friend (female) called me late last night to make sure i was alright on my own.
I ended up sitting there crying about everything. She updated her status to say i had kept her up all night.
Yeah up all night talking about how i wanted to be there to support the one person that i want to spend the rest of my life with.

So now im in the dog house.
Is this the green eyed monster coming out?
Am i not allowed to get my feelings out?
bah
banned#13
Maybe the thing to consider here is how was the relationship like before the miscarriage. If it was good then give her time. If not then maybe moving on is the better option.....
#14
akme;2481464
Thanks all for the really good advice..will be adding rep in a min :)

All gone pete tong now because of the power of facebook haha
If its on facebook then its got to be true.
A friend (female) called me late last night to make sure i was alright on my own.
I ended up sitting there crying about everything. She updated her status to say i had kept her up all night.
Yeah up all night talking about how i wanted to be there to support the one person that i want to spend the rest of my life with.

So now im in the dog house.
Is this the green eyed monster coming out?
Am i not allowed to get my feelings out?
bah


What has your female friend got in mind?...slightly alarming broadcasting her 'friends' business on an open site. Methinks thee is too trusting.
#15
sorry for the loss, give her some time and space,im sure everything will work out.love and hugs.x
#16
Not really my month..or year to be honest
have just found out my unkle has now died and grandfather can no longer breath on his own due to lung cancer.

Any bets on whats coming next?
#17
You've had a lot of very good advice so i'll just say good luck and fingers crossed for you and your partner
As for the other things just know that myself and others are always just a PM away I had such a **** year last year and I felt like you do with the "what's next"

All the best
#18
She has now made her mind up.
Its a No :(

Oh well
banned#19
Very sorry to hear that mate :-(
#20
Just a little update.
I am soooooo glad i got out of that relationship
Couldnt see the forest for the trees and all that stuff.
A few days after all this she found out she had cervical cancer..that soon cured itself...and all turned out to be a lie.

Takes a very sick person to lie about something like that.

I decided the best healing method was to book myself some days off and go visit somewhere new.

Ended up in Glasgow

Had a great time.
banned#21
akme
Just a little update.
I am soooooo glad i got out of that relationship
Couldnt see the forest for the trees and all that stuff.
A few days after all this she found out she had cervical cancer..that soon cured itself...and all turned out to be a lie.

Takes a very sick person to lie about something like that.

I decided the best healing method was to book myself some days off and go visit somewhere new.

Ended up in Glasgow

Had a great time.


Good for you, she sounds like a nutter, you are better off without her.

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