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Sad ,don't know how to feel

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Any body got any thoughts on how to deal with the saddness i feel after the death from Cancer today of the lad i have known since infant school. 43 years old the same age as me i feel S*&T
mikebike Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
Any body got any thoughts on how to deal with the saddness i feel after the death from Cancer today of the lad i have known since infant school. 43 years old the same age as me i feel S*&T
mikebike Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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1 Like #1
I don't know how to help you deal with it Mike but just wanted to say sorry for your news x
#2
fireheaven
I don't know how to help you deal with it Mike but just wanted to say sorry for your news x

Thanks:cry:
2 Likes #3
i think the best thing to do is,try to think they have gone away for a while and just remember all the laughs and good times you all had at school etc. i have found this the best way to deal with it and i have plenty of practice.
my sister died feb this year aged 22, my brother in law last year 32, my brother quite a few years ago aged 23. and to top it all of my dog died last month aged 12.

you just have to face facts life a bitXX then you die. so enjoy it while your here a do what you want when you want.
1 Like #4
Sorry to hear of your loss mike .... there are lots of emotions you might need to deal with http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/bereavement/bereavement.aspx

some helpful stuff here :)
#5
I don't know what advice anyone can give you. I know that if I was told I had 9 years left to live I wouldn't know what to do, other than enjoy the time I had left. With this in mind, all I would advise is to celebrate what he had when he was here. There's no right or wrong way to feel. If you feel like laughing when you think about a night you had down the pub etc, that's fine. The important thing is to remember him when he was happy. I'm sure if you'd known him all that time there must have been some good laughs in there too.

What sort of stuff would you get up to as kids and more importantly, did you get away with it ? ;-)
1 Like #6
Nothing anyone can really say at these difficult times, I still miss my sis dearly and she has been gone 10 years now, my Mum and Dad both passed away 5 years ago. I dont think you ever get over death, you just adjust to it and learn to cope. Sorry to hear that matey, time will heal
#7
Riding Wistful Horses
by Alastair Adamson


Sitting here and thinking how
My life much richer is now
For all the ones I've chanced upon
And the tapestry that was spun

There was a time when no one came
No friends to play in childhood game
No one to shelter from the rain
Nor the adolescent pain

Yet in my inner heart I knew
Secrets rare and secrets true
Were wishes horses, all would ride
Other dreamers by my side

Then one day I dropped my guard
I never did something so hard
In my heart I let others in
And found I had a friend

By one's and two's they gathered near
Soothing all my darkest fears
A tapestry we began to weave
And I once more believe

For youth need never fade away
As long as I can dream and play
On wistful horses I will ride
With other dreamers at my side
banned 1 Like #8
Sorry to hear your news.:?

Everyone is different and there is no perfect solution in any case. As Dink Ben said, when you are feeling sad and dwelling on it, think of the good times, the mischief and have a good chuckle. They say time is a healer and whilst its true to a certain extent, I've never found it was. I guess making yourself busy is the best "cure", though thats not to suggest for one moment you forget.
1 Like #9
im very sorry to hear about your loss mike
my friends little girl died of cancer aged 4 earlier in the year,
live every day as if its your last,im sure your friend would be wanting u to be remembering happier times with him

i dont have any advice for dealing with your loss,maybe an idea to support each other with family and friends he left behind and u could all help each other through it
1 Like #10
snowtiger
Sorry to hear of your loss mike .... there are lots of emotions you might need to deal with http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/bereavement/bereavement.aspx

some helpful stuff here :)



Thank you snow tiger I found that VERY helpful.

Mike at the moment your memorries may be primarily of your friend when he was sick, you may even find it hard to remember what he was like before but I'm told,and I hope, that in time you will be able to remember past that.
1 Like #11
I'm sorry as well.
You just have to go with your emotions - it's alright to cry, to keep a stiff upper lip, to want to talk or not. Sometimes the grief combines with the shock to make things seem unbearable and sometimes you feel guilty for all sorts of reasons or angry that your friend has left you. You will think of him less emotionally and less frequently as time passes, but for now the rawness is very difficult to deal with. You will find a way.
Probably not a brill idea, but I personally, would drink quite a lot this evening then do cards and condolences tomorrow..
1 Like #12
skusey
Nothing anyone can really say at these difficult times, I still miss my sis dearly and she has been gone 10 years now, my Mum and Dad both passed away 5 years ago. I dont think you ever get over death, you just adjust to it and learn to cope. Sorry to hear that matey, time will heal


Agree

It's so personal, you never really come to terms with it only find a way, over time, to accommodate it-cope with it on our own terms. Only folk who've gone through this kinda stuff can understand... Try n keep your pecker up.
1 Like #13
A friend of mine died not long ago too. He knew that he was going to die, as did all of us. I once sat with him and we spoke about the end. He told me it would be nice if I remembered him once in a while, and those thoughts put a smile on my face. The thing he said that struck a chord with me most though was when he told me always look to the future and dont sit and worrying about the past. Lifes too short and you cant change the past.
[mod]#14
Always comes as a shock when it's someone so young. Same happened to me last year when my best mate since playschool died suddenly of a heart attack at 31.

Tis a strange life.
#15
Thanks all for all the kind words and love, it just goes to prove that the world is filled with wonderful people x
#16
Sorry for your loss....

Personally i listen to music, have music tracks which makes me think of where I was, how was there etc....also words of songs just reminds me of the good times, Although thats probably a useless bit of info to anyone else, soz.

I always think "what would they want me to do", crying/being down/upset would be the last on their list, so I keep happy that way, knowing if I was sad it'd upset them, so try to remember the good times.
#17
sorry to hear your news, we all have a story that tugs at the old heart strings regards the un neccesary death of cancer, you have to see the positives (if possible) if he knew he was going to go at least he could make ammends with people that he may not be able to if it were another calling he had, its a horrible thing but you have to be positive through it and see the good times you had and celebrate his life, itsa bit cliched like but its true
banned#18
Be thankful you're alive and well and think of all the loved ones you have around you now and remind them all how much you love them.
#19
Hi Mike, I am very sorry for your loss. One of my close friends died suddenly in her sleep 5 years ago at the age of 24. She knew she had miocardiamyopathy (sp?) but noone ever expected it to actually happen. My friends and I were in total shock. We dealt with it by getting together and going over old times. What she was like and what she'd be doing and saying now if it has been one of us that had passed. We laughed, we cired, we got drunk and we remembered. Maybe it is easier for women to show their feelings but it really did help. Two of us visit her grave on the day she left us and on her birthday and we chat to her.

It may not seem it now, but it WILL get easier. You'll never forget him but try to remember the good times and what he would want you to do. It's times like thse that make us sit up and be gratefull for what we have. Fireheaven's poem is lovely.

My thoughts are with you.

X.
#20
I wasn't sure about posting this but I have found recently its brought be alot of comfort

dry your tears and laugh again,
Let go your hurt, release your pain,
Accept that my time on earth was complete,
My lessons all learned, some bitter, some sweet.
Envisage me, healthy and strong,
Don't hold the memory of where it went wrong,
Know that the place where I am feels so right,
I'm surrounded by love and bathed in white light.
Don't cling on to heartache and think I'm afar,
For I stand by your side, wherever you are,
In your joy and your sorrow, every night, every day,
I'm there with my love, just one thought away.
Step into the sunshine, come out of the rain;
For me dry your tears, for me laugh again.
Author unknown
#21
I hd a close friend die back in 1996 on Boxing Day, it was totally out of the blue, no illness just a sudden and large heart attack. He was only 32 years old.

It was a terrible, terrible shock but it is true as they say time being a great healer.

I can now think back to happy, funny times with fondness and a smile while at the time of his death those memories where too painfull.

So, it will get easier, but don't fight your grief.

All my love is going out to you at this sad time :friends:
#22
I am very sorry to hear your sad news. I have just finished reading Gloria Hunniford's new book " Always With You".
She describes her feelings so openly about coping with the loss of her daughter. My best friends have just lost her precious son .He was also like a son to me. I miss him and think of him every minute of evert day.I can relate to Gloria's feelings and it has given me an even deeper understanding of how my friends are feeling right now.
You might feel like reading this book when you are feeling a bit stronger
banned#23
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banned#24
Sorry to hear about your news mate. Unfortunately, it's something that happens in most peoples lives at some point. Knowing that don't make it easier when it does happen though.
#25
so sorry to hear about your news. it's a very difficult thing to deal with losing people you care about..... make sure you have lots of company and not too much time to sit and think too much into it.
my nan and grandad died within 6 days of each other 2 years ago. they were like a 2nd mum and dad to me.... i was 7 months pregnant and having my new baby and my other son to look after took my mind off it a little but as soon as they went to bed i would sit and cry all night. i still get upset now but i know i can't do anything about it unfortunately.
hugs for you :friends:
#26
your sadness will fade away a little as each day passes & you will have many happy memories left,you must speak of him often.speak to him as if he is here with you.i am very sorry for your loss..god bless
#27
I though this might help...

'God saw him getting tired,
A cure was not to be,
So He put His arms around him,
And whispered "come to me".

With tearful eyes you watched him go,
And saw him pass away,
And although you loved him deeply,
You could not make him stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest,
God broke your heart to prove to you,
That He only takes the best'.

I hope that you find comfort knowing that your friend is at peace and watching over you always. Draw on the memories that you have with him and don't be afraid to let your grief show. Time will ease the pain...

Thinking of you x
#28
The fact that he touched your heart makes his short life that much more special. No matter what age you die, life is always precious. Remember good and bad times because they all represent a part of you. Just never forget. I've lost 6 friends through illness over the past 18 months yet do not mourn their deaths. I celebrate the moments, good and bad, that touched me. We had fights, some that were never resolved, but it makes us human.

Sorry to hear of your loss xx
banned#29
Hope you are ok, i lost a really nice person and his loss will be with me forever.

Each day get's a little easier x x
#30
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and love it makes it a lot easier x

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