The football world was shocked to its foundations today when it was announced that a footballer had slept with a woman.
It was announced that Premier League and England footballer Ron Knee (47) had slept with a woman.
The woman involved, Glenda Slagg (47), was said to be distraught that news had got out, so distraught that she planned to sell her story to the highest bidder and "tell all".
A spokesman for the FA said "We are shocked. News of a footballer sleeping with a woman is something we just could have never have imagined happening. He will never play for England again".
Glenda Slagg said she had collected Panini football stickers as a child, and manged to get a full set.
But she soon outgrew the stickers and decided to go for the real thing, trying to "bag" every Premier league player.
She only has Tevez of Manchester City to go for the full set, but he refuses to wear the paper bag over his head.