Some advice - not moving now (UPDATED) - HotUKDeals
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Some advice - not moving now (UPDATED)

bargainhunter2009 Avatar
5y, 7m agoPosted 5 years, 7 months ago
Me, other half and daughter live in private rented house. Rent very expensive where we live. Neighbours horrible - moan about every noise we make eg moving around house, closing doors etc. We put on pads on the kitchen doors to make less noise and do try to move around quietly but still they moan. Another argument with another neighbour yesterday about a shared alleyway which they deliberately block. I hate it here. Looking to move and give 2 months notice here -- cannot however see anything suitable for us and rents are dearer than what we are paying now. Therefore considering moving into in laws. They are ok with this.

Partners parents have a 3 bed house - 2 spare rooms. They are the only ones that live there. Its council/housing association so rent cheaper. Its a fairly big house. I know everyone's immediate reaction is do not do it, however it has plus points for both. They are getting on in years (60s) and need some help around house and we would be able to save more money towards a deposit and then buy somewhere in a few years.

Partner all set to move....I am unsure. Anyone offer any advice?

UPDATED: Not going to move in with them now. Big discussion, its a no (I couldn't do it. However we are moving as these neighbours are ridiculous. We feel like we tip toe around the house because of them)
bargainhunter2009 Avatar
5y, 7m agoPosted 5 years, 7 months ago
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1 Like #1
Avoid
1 Like #2
If you get on with them, what's to lose? Cheaper, no hassle with neighbours, ready made babysitters...There is a lot to say for the extended family.
7 Likes #3
I wouldnt-doesnt matter how well you get on with them-at the end of the day,its someone elses house,you will impact on their lives,and them on yours. Your independence will vanish,you will be in some way answerable to someone else,there is a danger of the relationship deteriorating.

I know it isnt easy nowadays,but try to find somewhere you can afford to rent
2 Likes #4
no hate but what advice do you expect people to offer?

surely you're the only one that knows how you get on with the inlaws and whether they get on with you. If its a good relationship all round then no problem.

If not then avoid.
3 Likes #5
Mmmmm, tricky one tbh , no matter how well you get on with the inlaws, actually living with them is a different story !
Personally i wouldnt , maybe if it was short term whilst waiting to move into another property ie a couple of weeks , but indefinite i would say its a nono, we all like are own space and live differently , good luck x
#6
Just wondering if anyone has ever done this? I am all for trying it, I know about the loss of independence. We live outskirts of London and rent here is soooooo expensive. We are saving hard for deposit for a mortgage, we could save more this way.
2 Likes #7
Oh my, how are you going to do the deed without them hearing you? oO
1 Like #8
LoveHearts
Oh my, how are you going to do the deed without them hearing you? oO


the Old hand over the mouth trick?

Edited By: greenmachine12 on Apr 25, 2011 19:22
#9
LoveHearts
Oh my, how are you going to do the deed without them hearing you? oO


Haha - we would need to be very quiet
#10
I stayed with my MIL when we first met and it was constant bickering, I was scared to go in the kitchen to make some toast without her breathing down my neck.
#11
Haha, apart from worrying about 'doing your deeds'..........where are you going to store all the furnitire, appliances you have in your house now ?
#12
We are private rented, so we do not have any big appliances (just fridge which is coming). Sofa, cabinets in living room - not sure yet. Table coming. No wardrobes as built in here and also 2 chest of drawers.
#13
bykergrove
moan about every noise we make eg moving around house


did you give birth to elephants?


You would think so they moan so much about us just living here.
1 Like #14
if you can live with it for a couple of years it will be worth it in the long run but you will have to get along with them well
#15
I moved back in with my parents-in-law after a few tough years on my own following my divorce from their son. Everyone in the family incl my ex agreed it was the best thing for me to do...up sticks and move in with them for 6 months to get my health sorted and start afresh somewhere new. I got on very well with them after my divorce and they said I was still a daughter to them.

3 months into my stay, I fled! Packed a bag, got on a plane and was homeless for 17 weeks! 2 week holidays were great but the reality of staying with them for longer was hell. They had their own routines, they argued like hell and me being ill caused so much friction. My former sisters-in-law resented me living there even they they had agreed to it initially. If only I had lasted out another couple of weeks, as I was offered a job and a council flat :( But I just couldn't...it was sheer hell.

Think carefully OP. If it works, it will be great for you but if it doesn't, it'll affect you badly.
#16
Thanks everyone, not sure what to do at the moment!
[admin]#17
Stayed with in-laws while we were gutting our last house. Love them, father-in-law is one of my favourite people but I will never, ever stay with them again. They have a huge house in the middle of the country and even so it was very difficult not to feel guilty for invading their space and routine.
It was so kind of them to let us stay but very stressful living under someone else's rules and someone else's roof.

And the comment re "doing the deed"... very quickly and quietly!
#18
Thanks Juliet. Thats what I am worried about, invading their space and routines. Think it could work and could try, other half says it is up to me (I am erring on the side of no at the moment)
#19
[email protected] the deed'
put a song on loud, summit like -
That's the way I like it uh-huh, uh-huh

no one will ever know.
X)
#20
bargainhunter2009
Thanks Juliet. Thats what I am worried about, invading their space and routines. Think it could work and could try, other half says it is up to me (I am erring on the side of no at the moment)


Your OH will put up with it cos he knows his parents and won't be as affected as you may be.
suspended#21
i would move back with the in-laws, that is depending on how well u get a long with them. If they are going to moan like your neighbours then you are better off moving elsewhere.

This is another persons home, they have their own routine, their own house laws which you need to respect. It will be difficult, but as people have mentioned it will give u the opportunity to save up.

Good luck
#22
fern37
bargainhunter2009
Thanks Juliet. Thats what I am worried about, invading their space and routines. Think it could work and could try, other half says it is up to me (I am erring on the side of no at the moment)


Your OH will put up with it cos he knows his parents and won't be as affected as you may be.


Thanks. I know much easier for him, he lived there a few years ago. Was fine for him. But I have lived away from my parents and on my own since 2002 and so moving back with someone (who isnt my family) will be hard.

Edited By: bargainhunter2009 on Apr 25, 2011 20:14
banned 2 Likes #23
Move back!
2 Likes #24
master_chief
Move back!


your the only one who has said do it! Thanks
1 Like #25
if you get on with them then try it out, even if you only last a couple of months i guess you will have saved more money than you would have living at the rented flat paying bills.

i wish my sister, brother in law and little nephew still lived at ours its pretty quiet at home now.
#26
In the worst case scenario, it might put a lot of strain on your relation with your in laws. I would not personally ever put my relation with my in laws at stake as it has a lot of bearing on my relation with the OH. Sending some cookies to the neighbours could be easier I guess, if things are already not on the point of no return.

Edited By: pied_piper on Apr 25, 2011 20:24
#27
I even got told off cos their dog took to sleeping in my bedroom rather than theirs!! I had no control over that but it made for a nasty atmosphere for a few days. My FIL doted on his dog and resented her liking me instead!

Other stupid things were I couldn't help my MIL with the housework cos 'I was only there for a short time', I would hang the washing out wrong!, only certain cups could be used! It was only living with them that I saw my MIL's OCD....had never really noticed it before. My staying there interfered with her routine :(
#28
acecatcher3
if you get on with them then try it out, even if you only last a couple of months i guess you will have saved more money than you would have living at the rented flat paying bills.

i wish my sister, brother in law and little nephew still lived at ours its pretty quiet at home now.



But if things don't work, they are in the same predicament that finding somewhere else to live quickly is going to be mega hard!
1 Like #29
Anyone noticed that both neighbours have had a fall out with the OP, yet the OP is of the opinion that their neighbours are the nightmare.................. Just saying!!!
#30
I do not think they would tell me what I could or couldnt do. They are not like that. If we move in, we are agreeing certain things before eg about cooking (we can have kitchen from certain time), money that we pay etc. Therefore to avoid all of the possible arguments. We will do own washing and cooking.
#31
if you dont try it you wont know if you like it - its obvious you are unhappy where you are so at least if you have a few months away it will be a break and if it works out it could go on for a few years and then you will be able to save a bit of money too - if it doesnt work out it will give you a place to stay until you find somewhere more suitable
#32
The opposite happened with me, My mum moved in with us after dad died,it went fine for a year or so but then the cracks started to show. Think we started to get on each others nerves then mum decided she would like a place of her own again.
But thats not to say you shouldn't try it because it will save you a lot of money and no hassle fron neighbours, even if it doesn't work out you will all still be friends :)
#33
gbspurs
Anyone noticed that both neighbours have had a fall out with the OP, yet the OP is of the opinion that their neighbours are the nightmare.................. Just saying!!!


Where I live they all own their houses, they dont like us as we are tenants. I know that the neighbours have caused problems for previous tenants in this property too. We are a small quiet family but the neighbours next door complain that we are too noisy. The other neighbours were blocking a shared alleyway purposefully so that people do not use it. Its the only access to the back of the property to get bigger items out. I only moved their bins a few feet so I could use alleyway, the gobby woman shouting from her bedroom window telling me to put her bins back and calling me all the names under the sun. :p
#34
gbspurs
Anyone noticed that both neighbours have had a fall out with the OP, yet the OP is of the opinion that their neighbours are the nightmare.................. Just saying!!!


This has happened to me....council has placed druggies next to me and made my life hell!! Sometimes you can be the best neighbour going but others don't have the same attitudes, values etc.
#35
gbspurs
Anyone noticed that both neighbours have had a fall out with the OP, yet the OP is of the opinion that their neighbours are the nightmare.................. Just saying!!!

Good point.....OP might have his/her own ways.....

About moving in...its about sarcrifice, if you have lots of patience just to enable you save the deposit, i think its worth it in my opinion. Thats as best as you can possibly get it in terms of someone helping you out..plus you get ready made baby sitters... be prepared to overlook a lot of things.
#36
fern37
acecatcher3
if you get on with them then try it out, even if you only last a couple of months i guess you will have saved more money than you would have living at the rented flat paying bills.

i wish my sister, brother in law and little nephew still lived at ours its pretty quiet at home now.



But if things don't work, they are in the same predicament that finding somewhere else to live quickly is going to be mega hard!


not really if it doesnt work theyl have to look for places which are slightly more expensive whilst living with the inlaws and the money that they will have saved whilst being at the in laws will make the extra monthly payments at a new place more affordable.

they can go to the inlaws, save money, and possibly enjoy themselves whilst saving for a house

or

stay where they are and have arguments with neighbours over walking around a house

or

move to a slightly more expensive rented flat which will slow down savings for buying a house
2 Likes #37
Watch your OH change back into a child with mommy dearest doing his bidding........you'll hate it, seriously.

Put up and save up what you can to afford the rise in rents.
#38
choc1969
Watch your OH change back into a child with mommy dearest doing his bidding........you'll hate it, seriously.

Put up and save up what you can to afford the rise in rents.


Nah its not like that in their family. They are not very touchy feely in their family - quite the opposite!
#39
could you not do a trial run before you give your notice if its possible, then you might get a feel of what its going to be like and if its not what you thought you still have your house to go back to.
banned#40
Lol you couldn't even get on with your neighbours.

Glad you don't live near me, I bet you're well annoying with all the noise!

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