The circus strongman and the bearded lady got married and had a baby boy who became a great trapeze artist. They had a daughter and she became a lion tamer.
When they were expecting their third child the midwife asked, Are you hoping it will be a boy or a girl?
They replied, We dont mind as long as it fits in the cannon.
An American tourist is lost on the foggy Scottish moor when an old Scotsman appears.
Thank God, I thought I was lost! gasps the American.
Can ye lend me a tenner? asks the Scotsman
Certainly not! Just tell me where I am. snaps the American.
Youre lost sure enough. says the Scotsman and walks away into the fog.
He bought his wife a hamster skin coat and took her to the funfair.
He couldnt get her off the big wheel.
The insurance man was writing the Scots farmer a large cheque for his burned out barn.
Hoping to recoup a little business he asks, Have you ever thought about taking out Flood insurance?
No, replies the farmer, I dont know how to start a flood.
How come there are so many drunks in Glasgow and so many estate agents in Edinburgh?
Glasgow had first pick.
Hear about the dyslexic alcoholic who choked on his own vimto?
How are things, Jock?
Terrible. A fortnight ago I won £45,000 on the Lottery. Last week I won £15,000. This week, nothing!