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sorry to bore u but this is really playing on my mind...............pics now added!!

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we have had a fall out with our neighbours husband(a joiner) wife,their daughter & her 2 boys,my boys are friendly with the daughters boys and myself and the boys mother have also become mates, i h… Read More
edjaned Avatar
9y, 1m agoPosted 9 years, 1 month ago
we have had a fall out with our neighbours husband(a joiner) wife,their daughter & her 2 boys,my boys are friendly with the daughters boys and myself and the boys mother have also become mates,

i have helped this girl out alot in the past given her things for her boys tvs,furniture etc & i would never exept money as i now its hard being a single mum.

anyway we wanted some cupboards built in our alcoves so we decided to ask the father so he came and did 2 days work(he charges £40 a day as its cash in hand & hes claiming benefits)after his 2 days of work he didnt turn up for a week in that time we had a good look at his work & it really is terrible!.

firstly i asked for a plinth on the bottom but he has just built cupboard doors to the floor,then he has done some major wobbles with the router and the wood isnt even,the doors are not flush and the doors have a big gap so they dont meet properly.

my oh was really annoyed about this as the mdf cost us over £100 and its al now scrap wood,my oh wanted to go around and tel him straight that his work was poo and not paying him anything but i asked him not to.

then one afternoon the daughter came here to pick up one of her dads tools as he had left them all here she appoligsed that her father hadnt been all week and said he wasnt well and she forgot to inform us that he couldnt come but he would come on mon morn(i doubted this was true as it was more likely her father was on a bender)she then noticed the cupboards and said oh are they what my dads done?they are really good arent they?my oh then said actually we but before he could finish i cut him of and said its ok we will speak to your dad on monday(as i didnt want to spark of a row with the kids there and it was awkward as she was a mate)

a couple of days after this my oh decided to go over there to drop his tools of and to pay him the guy said he wanted £80 but oh said i will give u £45 as u havent done the plinth like we asked for so the doors will have to be scrapped and we will have to buy new wood (he didnt tell him that the whole job was poo as i didnt want any ill feeling) my oh just said he would finish the job himself.

its really frustrating as my oh is handy but he wanted to pay someone as we wanted the job done properly(hes a bit of a perfectionist)but since then the girl has completly ignored me and when my boys have been shouting hers on the way to school she has just sort of tried to disract the boys from speaking to us.

i have been really worried abut this as i was hoping the bad feelings could be avoided & im starting to wish that i had let my oh be honest about the work,im worrying(as im a quiet person who keeps herself to herself)that she has been telling the other mothers at the school that we ripped her dad of,and as the other mothers dont know me they will think we are bad people,what would u do and am i worrying over nothing?sorry to bore u with this but if i speak to oh he gets angry and wants to confront them
edjaned Avatar
9y, 1m agoPosted 9 years, 1 month ago
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1 Like #1
Everytime you see them be the nice person that you are, what is done is done, just smile and saay hi, everyone will see that you are the better person, oh and by the way dont ask him to do any more jobs !

Oh by the way after you have smiled and said Hi you can go indooors and scream!
1 Like #2
My heart goes out to you edjaned, but just carry on as usual and avoid any reference to the 'job'.

You sound a lovely person and this shouldn't be keeping you awake at night as it appears to be doing so, I'd feel similiar to you over this but you have done nothing wrong remmeber that.
1 Like #3
i would just put it down to experience. there is nothing that you can accomplish by getting upset etc.. plus being on friendly terms with your neighbours is worth a lot!
1 Like #4
octobergirl
Everytime you see them be the nice person that you are, what is done is done, just smile and saay hi, everyone will see that you are the better person, oh and by the way dont ask him to do any more jobs !


i agree, you must write this one off to experience and move on.

if they have let you down so badly possibly they are not the friends you thought.
sounds really dodgy a joiner on benefits charging £40 for a days work, i can't imagine any tradesman working for that, even for cash.
#5
Sorry to be controversial but as my nan used to say
"thats god punishing you" for encouraging benefit fraud!
1 Like #6
westmorlandlife
i agree, you must write this one off to experience and move on.

if they have let you down so badly possibly they are not the friends you thought.
sounds really dodgy a joiner on benefits charging £40 for a days work, i can't imagine any tradesman working for that, even for cash.

Yup,I was about to say the same,no tradesman worth his salt would be willing to work for that little(alarm bells would be ringing)

However,don't lose sleep over this.When you next get the chance ,have a word with your friend,explain that you value her friendship and do not want this to come between you and the friendship your children have.If she cannot accept that then she is not worthy of your friendship.:)
#7
The old saying goes never employ friends or family.
1 Like #8
Lol,God doesn't punish us...Just be yourself and don't waste any time on what people think or say,as it is out with your control so there is nothing you can do about it... If it was me,I would have said that the job wasn't up to scratch and got him to finish it off before paying him or giving him back his tools. If he was any sort of a tradesman he would have known if it was a good job or not...If they have "took the nip" then you are better off without them in your life. It sounds as if you have a generous heart and a good nature. You were clearly helping them in the past,and because of the husbands incompetence you are now the bad guy? I don't think so. Don't change who you are. If there is still things that you did for them before,keep on doing them. Sometimes our light shows up others darkness,don't extinguish or diminish yours,keep on shining sister! :)
#9
westmorlandlife
i agree, you must write this one off to experience and move on.

if they have let you down so badly possibly they are not the friends you thought.
sounds really dodgy a joiner on benefits charging £40 for a days work, i can't imagine any tradesman working for that, even for cash.

my oh was actually told he was a really good joiner i just thnk the job was maybe too big for him and maybe he had the shakes or something,i know he has told me he was working for a mate for £30 a day!!!!but he must of noticed that the work was dodgy i think we should of got a carpenter not a joiner
#10
waterloo
The old saying goes never employ friends or family.


i know i could kick myself now about it,i actuaaly had a bad feeling about it before he started especially when i looked at his hand made sheds in his garden but then i thought my dads a mechanic and his own car is a pile of *****
#11
thanks all for your support,i think of speaking to her but i just cant bring myself to do it as i just cant confront anyone without stammering and everything just comes out wrong and i will prob end up crying and look like a total idiot
#12
rehydrated
Lol,God doesn't punish us...Just be yourself and don't waste any time on what people think or say,as it is out with your control so there is nothing you can do about it... If it was me,I would have said that the job wasn't up to scratch and got him to finish it off before paying him or giving him back his tools. If he was any sort of a tradesman he would have known if it was a good job or not...If they have "took the nip" then you are better off without them in your life. It sounds as if you have a generous heart and a good nature. You were clearly helping them in the past,and because of the husbands incompetence you are now the bad guy? I don't think so. Don't change who you are. If there is still things that you did for them before,keep on doing them. Sometimes our light shows up others darkness,don't extinguish or diminish yours,keep on shining sister! :)


we didnt want him finishing the job as we would of had to fork out for more materials and he may balls up them aswell lol.im more bothered because my 4 year old is really good mates with her 4 year old and they used to go to each others houses to play and have tea,to be honest i think less of her now as u would think she would of at least said hi to my children and not made it obvious she was unhappy with her children speaking to mine,to me that is pathetic and childish,thanks for your kind words
#13
would u like to see pics to see what u think?im worried maybe we are over reacting?
banned#14
I'm confused by you stating that the wife was a single mum yet her husband is doing work for you. You have to ask yourself how he is out of work if he's that good at his job.

No offence, but try using the return key to properly format your writing as its incredibly difficult to read.

Personally, I would never pay someone on benefits cash in hand as in effect you are paying them twice. It's bad enough people stealing your taxes without encouraging them by giving them more. He's obviously fit to work,
banned#15
edjaned;1677704
would u like to see pics to see what u think?im worried maybe we are over reacting?

yes please as your description of the work makes it sound like a proper cowboy job.
#16
edjaned
thanks all for your support,i think of speaking to her but i just cant bring myself to do it as i just cant confront anyone without stammering and everything just comes out wrong and i will prob end up crying and look like a total idiot


Why don't you write her a letter instead?

I hate confrontation also and do my best to avoid it at all costs.I usually find that the fear of it is much worse than the reality,but is you cannot bring yourself to speak to her just yet,maybe send her a card with a note inside.:)
banned#17
muckypup;1677738
Why don't you write her a letter instead?

I hate confrontation also and do my best to avoid it at all costs.I usually find that the fear of it is much worse than the reality,but is you cannot bring yourself to speak to her just yet,maybe send her a card with a note inside.:)

Thats a very good idea as it gives you a chance to lay out your thoughts clearly and less chance of over reaction in the heat of the moment. If they still take offence, then write them off as a lost cause. At least you tried and they'd probably come round in the long term.
#18
edjaned
thanks all for your support,i think of speaking to her but i just cant bring myself to do it as i just cant confront anyone without stammering and everything just comes out wrong and i will prob end up crying and look like a total idiot



Your welcome, no problem, just wish was something we could do to stop you worrying quite so much, (big talk for a born worrier myself!)
#19
csiman
I'm confused by you stating that the wife was a single mum yet her husband is doing work for you. You have to ask yourself how he is out of work if he's that good at his job.

No offence, but try using the return key to properly format your writing as its incredibly difficult to read.

Personally, I would never pay someone on benefits cash in hand as in effect you are paying them twice. It's bad enough people stealing your taxes without encouraging them by giving them more. He's obviously fit to work,


sorry there is a husband and his wife then there daughter who is single with her 2 boys
to be honest im not 100% he is on benefits or a pension
sorry about the writing i just ranted on and didnt realise it would end up being that long or looking like that:oops:
1 Like #20
I have had exactly the same sort of problem in the past with my own dad!!
Lesson learnt, never employ family to do anything, it just makes you feel bad when the job isn't up to scratch and then you feel that you can't say anything or complain about it.
I know exactly how you feel, I actually felt physically sick about it when it happened to us, my husband was going mad and I was tryimg to keep the peace even though I agreed with what he was saying.
Just be normal with your friend and I'm sure it will all work out in the end.
2 Likes #21
not sure if this will help you or not..
last week i was in liverpool hospitol holding my wifes hand as she watched her mum die of a long illness, my point? one thing i realised then was life is to short, dont worry what others think of you. give love and be loved by your family and friends and dont worry your head about this sort of thing.
you do indeed sound like a nice person and others will see this, you will always get gossips and you cant please everyone
#22
krjgreen
not sure if this will help you or not..
last week i was in liverpool hospitol holding my wifes hand as she watched her mum die of a long illness, my point? one thing i realised then was life is to short, dont worry what others think of you. give love and be loved by your family and friends and dont worry your head about this sort of thing.
you do indeed sound like a nice person and others will see this, you will always get gossips and you cant please everyone


My sympathies goes out to your family.

I vote this as the most sensible thing written on here this week so far. It has certainly made me think.
banned#23
suze;1677992
My sympathies goes out to your family.

I vote this as the most sensible thing written on here this week so far. It has certainly made me think.

I second that :thumbsup:
1 Like #24
You have learnt a valuable lesson, forget about the money, it will come back to you in some other way. Life is too short to worry about money. Keep smiling, time works everything out, usually. :)
#25
rehydrated
Lol,God doesn't punish us...Just be yourself and don't waste any time on what people think or say,as it is out with your control so there is nothing you can do about it... If it was me,I would have said that the job wasn't up to scratch and got him to finish it off before paying him or giving him back his tools. If he was any sort of a tradesman he would have known if it was a good job or not...If they have "took the nip" then you are better off without them in your life. It sounds as if you have a generous heart and a good nature. You were clearly helping them in the past,and because of the husbands incompetence you are now the bad guy? I don't think so. Don't change who you are. If there is still things that you did for them before,keep on doing them. Sometimes our light shows up others darkness,don't extinguish or diminish yours,keep on shining sister! :)


well said
#26
edjaned
thanks all for your support,i think of speaking to her but i just cant bring myself to do it as i just cant confront anyone without stammering and everything just comes out wrong and i will prob end up crying and look like a total idiot



As I said - Just smile
1 Like #27
Blimey, you are just plain nice, difficult situation for which I have nothing constructive to add, but, the way you are beating yourself up isn't worth it, time will hopefully heal any bad feeling, kids will generally sort themselves out.
Try and forget about it, and don't let it come between you and your husband.
#28
krjgreen
not sure if this will help you or not..
last week i was in liverpool hospitol holding my wifes hand as she watched her mum die of a long illness, my point? one thing i realised then was life is to short, dont worry what others think of you. give love and be loved by your family and friends and dont worry your head about this sort of thing.
you do indeed sound like a nice person and others will see this, you will always get gossips and you cant please everyone


i sympathise with you and your family:friends:
#29
Photobucket
Photobucket
#30
http://s219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/?action=view&current=022.jpg
#31
http://s219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/?action=view&current=018.jpg
#32
what am i doing wrong?
#33
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/019.jpg
#34
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/018.jpg
#35
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/022.jpg
#36
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/014.jpg
#37
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/007.jpg
#38
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc42/edjaned/004.jpg
#39
those are the worst areas,although there are other parts where the wood isnt level which i cant get on camera,excuse the gwenny room we are trying to make it a playroom for my kids so are in the middle of redecorating,what do u guys think?
sorry pics are so big not very good at this
#40
Yeah thats just down to poor handskills, get a reputable joiner in fr a quote and ask for examples of work, mos decent tradesmen will have a portfolio of previous work which they can show you and usually a list of references from previous customers.

Cash in hand work is cheap, but unfortunatley you get what you pay for.

Good luck whatever you do, oh and a wee anonymous call to the benifit fraud helpline would not go amiss either.

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