The birds and the bees(Serious thread). - HotUKDeals
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The birds and the bees(Serious thread).

thesaint Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
Quandry:

My son is 11, and going up to secondary school after the summer holidays.

I don't think he knows about the "birds and the bees", and he has shown little interest in the girls in "that" way.

In the last few months, I have witnessed two expressing an interest, one of them actually whispered to me that she thinks he's cute.

I have always told him the truth when he asks stuff, but he hasn't asked.

When he goes to "Big school", he's going to hear a lot of stuff behind the bike-sheds, is this the British way, or should I step in?
thesaint Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
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#1
'expressing an interest'............are you serious?
1 Like #2
It is standard that children are taught the basics at primary school, our school starts from year 2 (this is quite controversial for that age), and definitely taught in yr 6, Some schools have the school nurse into teach others the class teachers do it.It is also common that boys and girls have some of these lessons taught separately.My guess is he probably knows a lot more than you think, time for a father/son chat.
Girls are usually more forward than boys at this age.
#3
Don't wanna offend the op here but you making a very large assumption on your son's behalf.
You said he hasn't shown any interest in girls in that way.
Maybe he never will
And yes, i am fully aware you have worded your OP for maximum spoilage, trolling and hoping folks will "always find bad in something" so i feel i have, with any luck, satisfied you in that respect :)
For the record, i'd let him find out for himself since it is never easy talking to your own folks about stuff like this and he'll learn soon enough, one way or the other
banned#4
he'll figure it out himself.

or maybe he doesn't like girls?
2 Likes #5
Allow him unfiltered internet access. In about 10 minutes he will be all clued in on the 'birds and the bees', although you might have to explain why five midgets were spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing.
#6
kt21
It is standard that children are taught the basics at primary school, our school starts from year 2 (this is quite controversial for that age), and definitely taught in yr 6, Some schools have the school nurse into teach others the class teachers do it.It is also common that boys and girls have some of these lessons taught separately.My guess is he probably knows a lot more than you think,


He did have something earlier this year, as I can remember signing the consent slip for him.

I don't know when it happened, so didn't speak to him about it at the time. It would be weird bringing it up now weeks after the fact.

kt21
time for a father/son chat.


Is is something you've done? If so, how did you approach it.
banned#7
bykergrove
he'll figure it out himself.

or maybe he doesn't like girls?


We_Are_138
Allow him unfiltered internet access. In about 10 minutes he will be all clued in on the 'birds and the bees', although you might have to explain why five midgets were spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing.


LOL :lol:
banned#8
nikkib123
At aged 11, I am sure the school will have given sex education classes by now.

When you sit down for your chat he will probably say "yeh I know all about it from school".

I can still remember my mum sitting me down for "the chat" but its different for girls because we have periods to think about as well.


and boobies
banned 1 Like #9
thesaint
He did have something earlier this year, as I can remember signing the consent slip for him.

I don't know when it happened, so didn't speak to him about it at the time. It would be weird bringing it up now weeks after the fact.



Is is something you've done? If so, how did you approach it.


You maybe should have spoke to him at the time, easier to bring it up and you need to fill in all the gaps that the school rubbish has missed.
1 Like #10
My son is 11 and I sat him down and went through what he knows and told him some stuff he didn't know. I also told him all about protection from pregnancy and diseases etc.

It was hard to start the conversation, but I feel better for knowing I've talked about it with him...

You need to discuss it imo.
banned#11
nikkib123
At aged 11, I am sure the school will have given sex education classes by now.

When you sit down for your chat he will probably say "yeh I know all about it from school".

I can still remember my mum sitting me down for "the chat" but its different for girls because we have periods to think about as well.


LOL, i never knew what periods were until my school explained it to at 11. I was terrified :lol: xx
1 Like #12
http://www.bbc.co.uk/barefacts/sex_education.shtml

here is a link to what age they teach sex education in schools.

I learned about it in the first year of secondary school in Biology but i expect it varies from the last year of primary school to the first year of secondary school.
#13
nikkib123

I can still remember my mum sitting me down for "the chat" but its different for girls because we have periods to think about as well.


Hi nikki,
The 1st part of you post has been snipped, as I answered it at the same time you posted.

I never had "the chat" from my parents, so can't draw from that experience sadly.

student_mummy
You maybe should have spoke to him at the time, easier to bring it up and you need to fill in all the gaps that the school rubbish has missed.


As explained, I didn't know at the time that he had it. The consent form didn't give a date, and I forgot to pursue it. I am at the school every week checking on his progress, but forgot about this.

jtx
My son is 11 and I sat him down and went through what he knows and told him some stuff he didn't know. I also told him all about protection from pregnancy and diseases etc.

It was hard to start the conversation, but I feel better for knowing I've talked about it with him...

You need to discuss it imo.


How did you broach(sp) the subject though? I am good with facts etc, and we are extremely close, but I don't know where to start. If that's what I decide to do :thinking:
#14
I had been saying for a while we were going to have to sit down and talk about "something"
One evening I just said come on then, tell me, what do you know about sex. He was embarrassed at first but then the questions started once we overcame that. We ended up taking about sex, erections, periods, condoms, gays, lesbians, pediofiles, everything really. I even threatened to get a condom and a carrot but decided to leave that for another day!
1 Like #15
i never had the 'sex chat' :-( and im still waiting for it.................... :?

i think he knows a lot more than you think he does but think you should tell him how to have safe sex :thumbsup:
#16
jtx
I had been saying for a while we were going to have to sit down and talk about "something"
One evening I just said come on then, tell me, what do you know about sex. He was embarrassed at first but then the questions started once we overcame that. We ended up taking about sex, erections, periods, condoms, gays, lesbians, pediofiles, everything really. I even threatened to get a condom and a carrot but decided to leave that for another day! :oops:


Can you pm me some details too :whistling:
#17
kaits
http://www.bbc.co.uk/barefacts/sex_education.shtml

here is a link to what age they teach sex education in schools.

I learned about it in the first year of secondary school in Biology but i expect it varies from the last year of primary school to the first year of secondary school.


Thanks kaits,
I am trying to decide if we should have a "chat", it's not whether he has done it already at school that is what I am concerned about.

nikkib123
Hhhhhm, I would just say to him "I know you hav been taught some things at school about your body and how it changes when you get bigger" something like that.
Saying when he gets older there are some things he needs to know about girls and boys and the difference between them.
Then just see what he says and determine from his response just how much he actually knows.
Good luck


I think i'd die!

jtx
I had been saying for a while we were going to have to sit down and talk about "something"
One evening I just said come on then, tell me, what do you know about sex. He was embarrassed at first but then the questions started once we overcame that. We ended up taking about sex, erections, periods, condoms, gays, lesbians, pediofiles, everything really. I even threatened to get a condom and a carrot but decided to leave that for another day!


How old was he, my son is 11, but I think he's a young 11.

My friends son who is 2 weeks younger is someone I could see needs to be talked to, as he is very interested in girls. I would say he's an old 11.

Was your son showing an interest in knowing?
#18
thesaint
Thanks kaits,



How old was he, my son is 11, but I think he's a young 11.

My friends son who is 2 weeks younger is someone I could see needs to be talked to, as he is very interested in girls. I would say he's an old 11.

Was your son showing an interest in knowing?


He was 10, he does speak with girls from his class on msn etc but up until now he says he will never have sex. I just thought it better to have the conversation sooner rather than later:thumbsup:
#19
It is remiss to expect a child to reach the age of 11 years without already have indicated to them some guidance regarding relationships, sexuality and basic human need for companionship and understanding.

If you havent yet touched upon any of this, it is startling in itself. If you serve it up to the child now like a cold buffet you're likely to put him off for life with the lack of subtlety.

How about you intimate a deeper understanding of your child and get to know his friends and the stage of emotional development he and his peers have reached and be there for your son as and when ( and a little before ) the emotional needs arise.
#20
jtx
I had been saying for a while we were going to have to sit down and talk about "something"
One evening I just said come on then, tell me, what do you know about sex. He was embarrassed at first but then the questions started once we overcame that. We ended up taking about sex, erections, periods, condoms, gays, lesbians, pediofiles, everything really. I even threatened to get a condom and a carrot but decided to leave that for another day!


lol @ condom and carrot

You can get smaller ( non threatening for teen boys ) dildos designed for use with sex education.

Brought one home, when my daughter was 9yrs old, from work... she said to me.. "Awww Mum, not another dildo... we have loadsssssss of them at school!"
1 Like #21
book people have a great book for girls and boys - what's happening to me.
banned#22
boydent999
Don't wanna offend the op here but you making a very large assumption on your son's behalf.
You said he hasn't shown any interest in girls in that way.
Maybe he never will
And yes, i am fully aware you have worded your OP for maximum spoilage, trolling and hoping folks will "always find bad in something" so i feel i have, with any luck, satisfied you in that respect :)
For the record, i'd let him find out for himself since it is never easy talking to your own folks about stuff like this and he'll learn soon enough, one way or the other


I LOL'd

The OP expects his 11 year old to get notches on his bed posts, when his own is used to mark up successes in suspensions and bannings on an internet forum. Outstanding.
#23
ClarityofMind
It is remiss to expect a child to reach the age of 11 years without already have indicated to them some guidance regarding relationships, sexuality and basic human need for companionship and understanding.

If you havent yet touched upon any of this, it is startling in itself. If you serve it up to the child now like a cold buffet you're likely to put him off for life with the lack of subtlety.

How about you intimate a deeper understanding of your child and get to know his friends and the stage of emotional development he and his peers have reached and be there for your son as and when ( and a little before ) the emotional needs arise.


I think you've misread something, but thanks.

mdynes
book people have a great book for girls and boys - what's happening to me.


Thanks for that. :)

I will try the library in the week, but I am more interested in how other parents started "The chat", and why they did so.
#24
relax he will figure it out himself,dont spoil it for him
2 Likes #25
thesaint
I think you've misread something, but thanks.





You're asking if you should speak to your 11yr old about "the birds and bees". I read just fine.

My point was that an understanding of the nature of sexual relationships isnt distinct or separate from any of a childs other emotional needs and an understanding of such should be supported by the parents from way younger than 11, and be age and stage appropriate in its detail and its tone.
#26
ClarityofMind;5913374
You're asking if you should speak to your 11yr old about "the birds and bees". I read just fine.

My point was that an understanding of the nature of sexual relationships isnt distinct or separate from any of a childs other emotional needs and an understanding of such should be supported by the parents from way younger than 11, and be age and stage appropriate in its detail and its tone.

+1:thumbsup:
#27
ClarityofMind
You're asking if you should speak to your 11yr old about "the birds and bees". I read just fine.

My point was that an understanding of the nature of sexual relationships isnt distinct or separate from any of a childs other emotional needs and an understanding of such should be supported by the parents from way younger than 11, and be age and stage appropriate in its detail and its tone.


+2 well said, and not touted about on here ;-)
banned#28
Thread unexpired - Infraction issued.
#29
aScottishBloke
Thread unexpired - Infraction issued.


A member has PM'd me to say that he thought he had done it by mistake. If it was him, I believe him. Will PM details. :)
banned 1 Like #30
I have always been as open and honest as i can be with both of mine. Daughter has never really been open to discussing anything about sex with me, although over the years we have had little chats, after her sex education at school i asked if there was anything she would like to discuss with me and she said no, i have to respect that and told her i am always here for her if and when she needs to chat. Obviously as she has got older we have talked about thinks like teen pregnancies and the likes, son has asked the odd few things but hes only 7 so not been faced with anything to hard to answer as yet - lol
#31
sassie
I have always been as open and honest as i can be with both of mine. Daughter has never really been open to discussing anything about sex with me, although over the years we have had little chats, after her sex education at school i asked if there was anything she would like to discuss with me and she said no, i have to respect that and told her i am always here for her if and when she needs to chat. Obviously as she has got older we have talked about thinks like teen pregnancies and the likes, son has asked the odd few things but hes only 7 so not been faced with anything to hard to answer as yet - lol


Thanks sassie, apart from him asking why he is the colour he is, I can't really think of him asking anything.

Even then, he wasn't really asking about "the birds and the bees", but I did use it as an opportunity to let him know that me and his mum used to be "boyfriend and girlfriend".

We split before he was born, so didn't have that understanding.
banned#32
thesaint
Thanks sassie, apart from him asking why he is the colour he is, I can't really think of him asking anything.

Even then, he wasn't really asking about "the birds and the bees", but I did use it as an opportunity to let him know that me and his mum used to be "boyfriend and girlfriend".

We split before he was born, so didn't have that understanding.


oh ive had lots of questions about mummies and daddies, and the hows, whys and whens, and im sure as he gets older he will ask lots more, but at the mo he has always been quite happy with the answers given, he is very different to daughter and tends to question everything, i think respecting they may not want to talk about things is all you can do as long as they know that option is always open
#33
How stupid a post that you don't know how to deal with your son and naive that you think that the kid wont already know these things.About 2 years ago when our lad was around 11 he crashed his PC he had already done this a few weeks earlier so i was a little annoyed at the prospect of installing windows again so i tried to clear the damage he'd done. When i got it on there where millions of icons for porn so i then decided to talk to him about it he admitted sheepishly that he been trying to watch porn movies and view images to cut a long story very short i gave him a dirty movie so i knew what he was watching would not corrupt his mind with real filth and that as they say is that.

None of our kids are afraid to come to me with anything and i always try to be straight not sugar coat it. I know some of you are going to say thats being a bad parent but the lads know that when they where around this age they where looking at these movies at least this way hes not watching animals or rape movies and in a few years he will think his old man was cool not a prude.
#34
polly69
How stupid a post that you don't know how to deal with your son and naive that you think that the kid wont already know these things.About 2 years ago when our lad was around 11 he crashed his PC he had already done this a few weeks earlier so i was a little annoyed at the prospect of installing windows again so i tried to clear the damage he'd done. When i got it on there where millions of icons for porn so i then decided to talk to him about it he admitted sheepishly that he been trying to watch porn movies and view images to cut a long story very short i gave him a dirty movie so i knew what he was watching would not corrupt his mind with real filth and that as they say is that.

None of our kids are afraid to come to me with anything and i always try to be straight not sugar coat it. I know some of you are going to say thats being a bad parent but the lads know that when they where around this age they where looking at these movies at least this way hes not watching animals or rape movies.

wow put some filters on your web browser so he visit them sites, 11 is too young imho.
banned#35
polly69
How stupid a post that you don't know how to deal with your son and naive that you think that the kid wont already know these things.About 2 years ago when our lad was around 11 he crashed his PC he had already done this a few weeks earlier so i was a little annoyed at the prospect of installing windows again so i tried to clear the damage he'd done. When i got it on there where millions of icons for porn so i then decided to talk to him about it he admitted sheepishly that he been trying to watch porn movies and view images to cut a long story very short i gave him a dirty movie so i knew what he was watching would not corrupt his mind with real filth and that as they say is that.

None of our kids are afraid to come to me with anything and i always try to be straight not sugar coat it. I know some of you are going to say thats being a bad parent but the lads know that when they where around this age they where looking at these movies at least this way hes not watching animals or rape movies.


would you also supply him with alcohol, tobacco and drugs if you knew he was already doing them?
#36
black gerbil1;5913692
wow put some filters on your web browser so he visit them sites, 11 is too young imho.
Some of the threads on here have content not suitable for 11 years olds.......it's unreal some of the things folks say they do, have done and would be willing to do, let alone who they'd do
sassie;5913693
would you also supply him with alcohol, tobacco and drugs if you knew he was already doing them?
My ma doesn't smoke but always said, if i wanted alcohol or ciggies to tell her and she'd get them for me, as long as i took them in front of her.....never did, don't smoke don't drink, did me no harm :)
Love the irony of someone posting in this thread with the username of 69, sorry :oops:
#37
boydent999

Love the irony of someone posting in this thread with the username of 69, sorry :oops:


I had to lol :w00t:
#38
polly69
How stupid a post that you don't know how to deal with your son and naive that you think that the kid wont already know these things.About 2 years ago when our lad was around 11 he crashed his PC he had already done this a few weeks earlier so i was a little annoyed at the prospect of installing windows again so i tried to clear the damage he'd done. When i got it on there where millions of icons for porn so i then decided to talk to him about it he admitted sheepishly that he been trying to watch porn movies and view images to cut a long story very short i gave him a dirty movie so i knew what he was watching would not corrupt his mind with real filth and that as they say is that.
None of our kids are afraid to come to me with anything and i always try to be straight not sugar coat it. I know some of you are going to say thats being a bad parent but the lads know that when they where around this age they where looking at these movies at least this way hes not watching animals or rape movies and in a few years he will think his old man was cool not a prude.


I think providing them with porn movies is a step too far, it's close to child grooming.

I do understand what you were trying to do though and put the control back into your hands ( so to speak *cough* ) and to provide a closed source rather than totally open access to extremities that the internet provides.

I don't think at 11 you can justify it though... I think I woulda had a talk about the important of self respect and provide other activities.. not sexually based. Hobbies, sports etc, lets enjoy childhood.
1 Like #39
I've got two boys and the eldest now 16 has always been very easy to talk to maturely, I've often sat up with him until the early hours of the morning just chatting about anything and everything but never 'pushed' an issue with him.

He has never been afraid to ask me anything and Ive just asked him now why that was and shown him this thread, his reply was 'because I know if there is anything I ever want to know you've always made me feel at ease and never embarrassed'.

His younger brother is a different story and picked everything up from his brother and school, last year (even remember posting about it) I found history of a porn site on their laptop, assumed it was the eldest and had a quiet chat with him to ask him to be more aware at what he was looking at with a younger brother, when I was told it was the younger one (12 at the time) I had a dilemma of how to deal with it. Turned out another schoolfriend (several in fact) had access to the site and were sending the links through msn.

I can only say if you let your son know that you are easy to talk to about anything like this and let him know you are open to long chats where lots of little things that can cause embarrassment are 'thrown in' now and again it will probably just surface in one of these chats.
Good luck and I wouldn't worry too much ;-)

(hope I made sense) lol
#40
sassie
oh ive had lots of questions about mummies and daddies, and the hows, whys and whens, and im sure as he gets older he will ask lots more, but at the mo he has always been quite happy with the answers given, he is very different to daughter and tends to question everything, i think respecting they may not want to talk about things is all you can do as long as they know that option is always open


My son sounds like your daughter in many respects.

I knew that I could talk to my mum, but not so with my dad, but didn't choose to.
I just wondered whether if she(my mum) should have had "the chat", and therefore whether I should do so.

polly69
How stupid a post that you don't know how to deal with your son and naive that you think that the kid wont already know these things.


I don't think he's looking at porn on his lappy, as he's right in front of me when he's on it.
If he does, I don't think I will choose some suitable porn for him to watch, but thanks for sharing your experiences.

snowflake


I can only say if you let your son know that you are easy to talk to about anything like this and let him know you are open to long chats where lots of little things that can cause embarrassment are 'thrown in' now and again it will probably just surface in one of these chats.
Good luck and I wouldn't worry too much ;-)

(hope I made sense) lol


You make as much sense as you usually do. :-D

Thanks snowflake(I nearly called you ******!)

I think that I will go to the library and get a book, and start "the chat" via that route.
I think i'm nervous as he's still very much a daddy's boy. He holds my hand when we are out, comes up and randomly kisses me etc and i'm trying to get him to "toughen up" a bit.

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