The blonde joke to end all blonde jokes! - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HUKD, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HUKD app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

The blonde joke to end all blonde jokes!

birdyboyuk Avatar
9y, 4m agoPosted 9 years, 4 months ago
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'
The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.'
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns
to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.'

He takes her hand and says,

'Second, I want you to relax'

'Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then he sighed.........











'Then let's put all the Frosties back in the box.'

:w00t: :giggle: :giggle: :w00t:
birdyboyuk Avatar
9y, 4m agoPosted 9 years, 4 months ago
Options

All Comments

(26) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
Love it :lol:
#2
I knew the punch line as soon I read Tiger :]

V good none the less
#3
freeDUMB
I knew the punch line as soon I read Tiger :]

V good none the less


I realised when I saw jigsaw because I've heard the joke before, agree its still good though
#4
yeah that is good, ive not heard it before so i gave it a chuckle!
#5
Old joke and it certainly isn't going to end blonde jokes. (where is the cold voting button?)
#6
This used to be a david beckham joke.
#7
Noooo... the one to END blonde jokes is:

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."
#8
Hahaha!. I like ducky's joke to!
#9
duckmagicuk2
Noooo... the one to END blonde jokes is:

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."


Havent heard that one :) good one
#10
stratomaster
This used to be a david beckham joke.


I have heard it as both - a lot of david beckham jokes are actually blonde jokes
#11
It's that old I bet the blonde has Grey hair now. ;-)
#12
Not heard that one - but have heard Duckys

Got a giggle outta me.
#13
kelly_o_fanatic
I have heard it as both - a lot of david beckham jokes are actually blonde jokes


And before PC they all used to be Irish jokes (remember Paddy and Murphy?).
#14
in the paddy jokes paddy irishman always comes out trumps.
#15
I recon it would be possible to arrange frosties to look like a tiger. Still a good joke though.
#16
lol yeah some artist type would manage it!
#17
:-D :thumbsup:
1 Like #18
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the indicator off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tyre pump to reinflate it!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
#19
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
Golden retriever.

No offense :)
banned#20
stratomaster
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
Golden retriever.

No offense :)


good one
#21
Didnt get original joke but rest were funny, surprised no blondes on here are complaining though.
banned#22
which joke dont you get?
#23
The original one on first page about Frosties, I know Frosties have Tony the Tiger but I dont know how the blonde thought it was a jigsaw, well a little but it doesnt seem funny,
#24
ryouga
The original one on first page about Frosties, I know Frosties have Tony the Tiger but I dont know how the blonde thought it was a jigsaw, well a little but it doesnt seem funny,


The blonde was being so thick she though the box of Frosties was a jigsaw......
#25
what colour have you got ryouga?
1 Like #26
duckmagicuk2
And before PC they all used to be Irish jokes (remember Paddy and Murphy?).

1st Man: Oh hello, how are you, let me buy you a drink!
2nd Man: Why thank you." he replies. "Where are you from?
1st Man: Oh, I'm from Ireland," he replies.
2nd Man: You don't say. I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
1st Man: Of course!

And they both pour back their drinks....


2nd Man: So, where in Ireland are you from?
1st Man: Dublin," comes the reply.
2nd Man: I can't believe it says the first man. I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin!
1st Man: Aye! why not!" And both men continue drinking.
2nd Man: So, like... hmmmm... What school did you go to?
1st Man: St. Mary's, I graduated in '62.
2nd Man: You don't say! This is bloody unbelievable, I went to St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
1st Man: Noooo way???

About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Oh nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."


Seamus walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."


Paddy says to Patrick, "What are you Doing Pat?" Pat replies. "I'm building a rocket to send to the sun." "Don't be daft!" Paddy says "It'll burn up before it gets there." "Ah well Paddy, I've thought of that already clever cloggs, I'm launching it at night."


"Paddy and Patrick are having a race to the top of the hill, Paddy says "If I get to the top of the hill first I'm going to write my name on that tree at the top". So Patrick says, "If I get to the top first I'm going to rub it out". Paddy & Patrick went to the local hardware depot to find some wood. Paddy walked in the store and found an Assistant, "Oh hello, we need some four-by-twos." The Assistant said, "Don't you mean two-by-fours?" Paddy said, "Hang on, Let me go ask Patrick," and went back to the truck. A minute later Paddy returned and said, "Yes, pardon me Sir, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" Paddy paused again for a minute and said, "Hold on I'll go check with Patrick." After awhile, Paddy returned once again, "Well we're building a house, so we're gonna need them a long time."


The O Mally rang Dublin airport and enquired: "Oh hello, could you please how long does it take to fly to New York from Dublin?"... "Just a second Sir.." replied the receptioniast... "Thank you, you been most helpful..."


'Anyone who can guess how many ducks I have in this sack can have both of them,' said Murphy. 'Three!' shouted Ranagan. 'That's closr enough,' said Murphy.

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!