1. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, My friend is dead! What can I do?. The operator says Calm down. I can help. First, lets make sure hes dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says OK, now what?
2. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes replies Watson.
And what do you deduce from that?
Watson ponders for a minute.
Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?
Holmes is silent for a moment. Watson, you idiot! he says. Someone has stolen our tent!
3. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: Thats the ugliest baby that Ive ever seen. Ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: The driver just insulted me! The man says: You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, Ill hold your monkey for you.
4. This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! Whats WRONG with me, Doctor!?
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: Well, I can tell you that there aint nothing wrong with your eyesight.