The Great Online Fight - HotUKDeals
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The Great Online Fight

mr.potato_head Avatar
6y, 5m agoPosted 6 years, 5 months ago
Seems topical at the moment after its revealed that Charlie Brooker is marrying Konnie 'Blue Peter Badge Winner' Huq.

Not many people know or even like Charlie Brooker. This article about internet fourums was written in 2006 but is still quite relevant, especially for this site.

Article in first post

***Mods this should really be a sticky so it never gets mixed with some of the trash.***
mr.potato_head Avatar
6y, 5m agoPosted 6 years, 5 months ago
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#1
Last week I wrote a load of nonsense about flags and idiocy; as well as appearing in print, it also turned up on the Guardian's "Comment is Free" blog-o-site, where passersby are encouraged to scrawl their own responses beneath the original article.

Some people disagreed with the piece, some agreed; some found it funny, some didn't. For half a nanosecond I was tempted to join in the discussion. And then I remembered that all internet debates, without exception, are entirely futile. So I didn't.

There's no point debating anything online. You might as well hurl shoes in the air to knock clouds from the sky. The internet's perfect for all manner of things, but productive discussion ain't one of them. It provides scant room for debate and infinite opportunities for fruitless point-scoring: the heady combination of perceived anonymity, gestated responses, random heckling and a notional "live audience" quickly conspire to create a "perfect storm" of perpetual bickering.

Stumble in, take umbrage with someone, trade a few blows, and within about two or three exchanges, the subject itself goes out the window. Suddenly you're simply arguing about arguing. Eventually, one side gets bored, comes to its senses, or dies, and the row fizzles out: just another needless belch in the swirling online guffstorm.

But not for long, because online quarrelling is also addictive, in precisely the same way Tetris is addictive. It appeals to the "lab rat" part of your brain; the annoying, irrepressible part that adores repetitive pointlessness and would gleefully make you pop bubblewrap till Doomsday if it ever got its way. An unfortunate few, hooked on the futile thrill of online debate, devote their lives to its cause. They roam the internet, actively seeking out viewpoints they disagree with, or squat on messageboards, whining, needling, sneering, over-analysing each new proclamation - joylessly fiddling, like unhappy gorillas doomed to pick lice from one another's fur for all eternity.

Still, it's not all moan moan moan in NetLand. There's also the occasional puerile splutter to liven things up.

In the debate sparked by my gibberish outpouring, it wasn't long before rival posters began speculating about the size of their opponent's dicks. It led me to wonder - has the world of science ever investigated a casual link between ***** size and male political leaning?

I'd theorise that, on the whole, rightwing penises are short and stubby, hence their owners' constant fury. Lefties, on the other hand, are spoiled for length, yet boast no girth whatsoever - which explains their pained confusion. I flit from one camp to the other, of course, which is why mine's so massive it's got a full-size human knee in the middle. And a back. A big man's back.

Anyway, if we must debate things online, we might as well debate that. It's not like we'll ever resolve any of that other ********, is it?

Click. Mine's bigger than yours. Click. No it isn't. Click. Yes it is. Click. Refresh, repost, repeat to fade.
#2
mr.potato_head


I'd theorise that, on the whole, rightwing penises are short and stubby, hence their owners' constant fury. Lefties, on the other hand, are spoiled for length, yet boast no girth whatsoever - which explains their pained confusion. I flit from one camp to the other, of course, which is why mine's so massive it's got a full-size human knee in the middle. And a back. A big man's back.

.


I nearly wet myself.
Coke zero now on my shirt. Damn you OP.
#3
jinjernuts
I nearly wet myself.
Coke zero now on my shirt. Damn you OP.


Don't shoot the messenger. Blame Brooker, funny guy.

starsparkle2311
Soooooooooooooo Mr PH, you a rightie or a leftie?


Rightie.

We are talking about which hand we use for writing yeah? :-D
banned#4
Absolutely spot on.
banned#5
Brooker is possibly one of the finest men alive in the UK at the moment. I love all his work and have yet to be disappointed with anything he has written.

I would want to man-marry him if I was a Billy-Bender
banned#6
Konnie must like getting shouted at. Bet she never gets to hold the telly remote.
#7
DJ1
Brooker is possibly one of the finest men alive in the UK at the moment. I love all his work and have yet to be disappointed with anything he has written.

I would want to man-marry him if I was a Billy-Bender


I would too. Looks like that huzzy Konnie got ther first though.

Loads of people in another Brooker thread saying they don't find him funny or never even heard of him. I think he's brilliant, such a realist and some of his anlogies are pants-wettingly funny.

Another classic from him "A mere sore throat is proof enough that there is no God - or that if there is, he doesn't give a toss about human suffering. In which case why bother worshipping him? That's like fellating someone who intermittently stubs fags out on your head for no good reason. And we all know how unsatisfying that can be."
#8
dunfyboy
Konnie must like getting shouted at. Bet she never gets to hold the telly remote.


She could probably just make some ear muffs out of milk cartons and sticky back plastic though :whistling:
#9
DJ1
Brooker is possibly one of the finest men alive in the UK at the moment. I love all his work and have yet to be disappointed with anything he has written.

I would want to man-marry him if I was a Billy-Bender


What do you mean, if??? :p

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