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The lie clocks

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.A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are L… Read More
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
.A man died and went to Heaven.

As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice,

telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man.

'Brown's clock is in Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
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snowtiger Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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#1
[CENTER]http://www.funmunch.com/graphics/good_morning/graphics/good_morning_5.gif



http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk205/dazj3/greetings/sunday/sunday_25.gif[/CENTER]










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#2
Good morning or at least it was when I got up
#3
I can think of someone on here whose clock could power the entire national grid


:whistling:
#4
good morning snowy, have a lovely day x
#5
barky
I can think of someone on here whose clock could power the entire national grid


:whistling:


Don't know who your on about :whistling:
#6
You make me a laugh snow xx
#7
J.Dance;4451972
Good morning or at least it was when I got up

Morning JD :)
#8
lyndsbowes;4451982
good morning snowy, have a lovely day x

& you too Lyndes xx what you up to?
#9
snowtiger
Morning JD :)


Morning hows tricks is it too early to go back to bed? :thinking:
#10
snowtiger
& you too Lyndes xx what you up to?


gonna take the boys the park. it's such a nice day :thumbsup:
#11
juicyx;4451997
You make me a laugh snow xx

Hey Juicy .. glad to see you've managed to get out the Black hole .... your location has improved a tad this morning!! xx
#12
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii78/chesso_photos/hooray/hooray2.jpg

The world is returning to normal; Snowy gives me my morning smile - excellent. Not all that keen on the joke itself, but what the heck. Hooray!!
#13
J.Dance;4452009
Morning hows tricks is it too early to go back to bed? :thinking:

Oh no you don't wanna do that! stay up & maybe get out in the garden & get all the leaves raked up etc now Spring is here :w00t: ... Bright sunny morning here in the Midlands
#14
snowtiger
Oh no you don't wanna do that! stay up & maybe get out in the garden & get all the leaves raked up etc now Spring is here :w00t: ... Bright sunny morning here in the Midlands


Yes I do been up since 3 with this annoying fever cold headache thingy majik
#15
J.Dance;4452194
Yes I do been up since 3 with this annoying fever cold headache thingy majik

ah you poor thing, probably the best thing for you then .. >>>>>>>> go on then .. what you waiting for? ............... Hope you feel better soon xx
#16
snowtiger
ah you poor thing, probably the best thing for you then .. >>>>>>>> go on then .. what you waiting for? ............... Hope you feel better soon xx


The fact I have to drive back to my barracks in about an hours time
#17
chesso;4452142
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii78/chesso_photos/hooray/hooray2.jpg

The world is returning to normal; Snowy gives me my morning smile - excellent. Not all that keen on the joke itself, but what the heck. Hooray!!



Hi Chesso, haven't chatted for a while, hope all is ok xx .. how's life treating you?
another joke, haven't got any real goodies atm as Skusey pinches them all!

Skinny Dipping...
An elderly man in West Virginia had owned a large farm for several Years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a Five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with Glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
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Some old men can still think fast!
#18
barky;4451980
I can think of someone on here whose clock could power the entire national grid


:whistling:

Hi there, is it still snowing up there?
#19
J.Dance;4452226
The fact I have to drive back to my barracks in about an hours time

not really the kindest of days for you then having to drive .. have you got far to go? don't suppose you'll be able to get your head down for a couple of hours when you get back either!! life can be so cruel sometimes eh?
Maybe you'll feel better once you get out in the frest air .. how about poor old me .. I have a pile (& I mean pile about 4/5' high!) of ironing to get through .. you blokes have it so easy :p
#20
snowtiger
Hi Chesso, haven't chatted for a while, hope all is ok xx .. how's life treating you?
another joke, haven't got any real goodies atm as Skusey pinches them all!
Some old men can still think fast!

That was a good one.:thumbsup:
Not so many from skusey either now-a-days. I was forced to post one myself the other week!
I'm fine and dandy thanks. You're all well and back to fighting fitness now? Just planning a sunshine break for after Easter, when all the schools have gone back. It gives me such pleasure to say that in my retired teacher status. :-D
The garden is depressing me a bit - looks like a gale or two too far!

J.Dance
The fact I have to drive back to my barracks in about an hours time

Poor you; driving with a horrible fever thing - not nice. Can't you phone and tell them?

snowtiger
how about poor old me .. I have a pile (& I mean pile about 4/5' high!) of ironing to get through .. you blokes have it so easy :p

Not my bloke - he does the ironing.:thumbsup:

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