How many people does this apply to on here
Since My Valentine Got A Computer
Since my Valentine got a computer
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important
Unless its a byte or a bit.
Before she got her new laptop,
Everything was just fine;
Now she says we cant talk
Unless we both go online.
"But honey," I said, "Im attached to you;
Love is what I feel."
"That keyword isnt relevant,"
She said, with eyes of steel.
She clicked the keyboard furiously;
The screen was all she could see,
And then to my horror and shame,
She started describing me:
"Your motherboard needs upgrading;
Your OS needs help, too.
And you definitely need a big heatsink
To cool your CPU."
"Dont flame me, my sweet," I pleaded.
"Not on Valentines Day."
"Fix the bugs, and Ill see," she said,
While looking at me with dismay.
"What ever you want, my darling;
Whatever you need; you call it.
Ill upload or download anything,
And then Ill go install it."
(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,
And though I dont want to fight her,
Is this what I want for a Valentine?
Ive been burned; can I rewrite her?)
"Are you all hard drive now," I asked
"Is there no software in you?
Dont you remember the good times?
Let our memories see us through."
"LOL," she said to me, chuckling.
"Youre nothing but adware.
"Ive got four gigs of memory;
Ive got no problem there."
"Please, honey, we can save it," I said.
"Our love means more than that."
"Thats not in my cache; were going to crash,"
She said, as she turned me down flat.
(This woman has really changed;
Do I really want to chase her?
More and more Im thinking
It might be nice to erase her.)
"Aw, honey, dont talk like that," I said.
"Cant we just plug and play?
I hereby accept default,
And Im yours, my love, come what may.
My goal is to make you happy;
I want to be your portal,
But your sudden, distant coldness
Would test the strongest mortal.
If we need a brand new interface,
So we can FTP,
Im your go along, get along guy,
And I want you to stay with me."
"If you want to get into my favorites," she said,
And you want to get past my encryption,
If you want to get through my firewall,
Here is my only prescription."
"First, put up your own Web site,
And e-mail me when its done.
Ill check your page rank with Google,
And tell you if youre the one."
My life has become a real trial,
Since my Valentine got a computer.
If I want her to care about me again,
I guess Ill have to reboot her.
By Joanna Fuchs