Thoughts wanted on this please,thanks. - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HUKD, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HUKD app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

Thoughts wanted on this please,thanks.

TheSnowman Avatar
banned5y, 9m agoPosted 5 years, 9 months ago
I write these for a hobby and just wanted to find out what you think please,im not trying to sell them or anything like that,i just wondered what they sound like to other people.i know i am going to get good and bad remarks so im ready for that,thanks everyone.


Tears of Happiness Tears of Joy

Then there’s tears of sadness, when you feel downhearted as life troubles come fast, remember that they will lift and life will return full of delight.so keep in mind when life’s fog is in the way and the mountains are looking impossible to climb, you will ascend that mountain and clear away that mist and know that you’ve done it and rise above those clouds of doubt. You will look back and wonder what the fuss was about, as you stand tall and see what you have accomplished knowing without a doubt. I have done it, I’ve got there and I’m happy again and if those rain clouds draw closer, you will blow them away. Onwards and upwards your path leads you on, no more sorrow for you. Your life will be full of wonder no more tears of unhappiness, only smiles for you as you walk with your head high full of laughter and of Joy.
TheSnowman Avatar
banned5y, 9m agoPosted 5 years, 9 months ago
Options

All Comments

(16) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
1 Like #1
1st rule in writing, is to format it into paragraphs.
Nobody enjoys reading a walll of text.
[helper]#2
I think that is a beautiful piece of writing, very talented :)
#3
tl;dr
#4
ants97
tl;dr

Always wondered what this means lol
2 Likes #5
beth3735
ants97
tl;dr


Always wondered what this means lol


too long, didn't read.
#6
pretty cool
#7
Punctuation is the key. Some sentences need "tidying" up.
Also best to use paragraphs.
Nice words :)
#8
ants97
beth3735
ants97
tl;dr
Always wondered what this means lol
too long, didn't read.

Thanks lol, I get it now :p
7 Likes #9
OP did you post it here too?
banned#10
Yes cannyscot. :-)
banned#11
thesaint
1st rule in writing, is to format it into paragraphs.Nobody enjoys reading a walll of text.


Thanks for the advice i will take that onboard. :)
1 Like #12
Hi TheSnowman, Thanks for sharing.
I don’t quite understand what the ‘these’ that you mention writing for a hobby are – little homilies?
Anyway, taking your work on face value, this is my forthright opinion:

The grammar, structure and punctuation in your piece are failing just now, disrupting the internal dynamic, lacking clarity and so losing impact. The phraseology is rather hackneyed. To my mind the prose is somewhat trite

Is the piece intended to be reaching out to the reader audience or a stream of internal consciousness?

I read it as a attempt to convince oneself, or the reader, that there is a sort of redemption ahead, if only one tries hard enough or exists long enough.

If this is a sort of self therapy against depression, I am sorry if my honest words are too plain and hope that your writings will help you.
banned#13
nikkib123
Punctuation is the key. Some sentences need "tidying" up.Also best to use paragraphs.Nice words :)


Thanks for the advice,its very helpful. :)
#14
chesso
Hi TheSnowman, Thanks for sharing. I don’t quite understand what the ‘these’ that you mention writing for a hobby are – little homilies? Anyway, taking your work on face value, this is my forthright opinion:The grammar, structure and punctuation in your piece are failing just now, disrupting the internal dynamic, lacking clarity and so losing impact. The phraseology is rather hackneyed. To my mind the prose is somewhat triteIs the piece intended to be reaching out to the reader audience or a stream of internal consciousness?I read it as a attempt to convince oneself, or the reader, that there is a sort of redemption ahead, if only one tries hard enough or exists long enough.If this is a sort of self therapy against depression, I am sorry if my honest words are too plain and hope that your writings will help you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ My feelings exactly, 5/10 must try harder.
1 Like #15
An inspirational poem along those lines for you OP, if you haven't come across :)

http://i996.photobucket.com/albums/af81/hukd_marina/gen/dontquit.jpg
#16
Agree with what Chesso says.

The statement "Onwards and upwards your path leads you on, no more sorrow for you. Your life will be full of wonder no more tears of unhappiness, only smiles for you as you walk with your head high full of laughter and of Joy" seems totally misleading to me.

Might help to know what your intended audience is?

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!