Last night I was startled awake by a large shadowy figure shining a torch in my eyes, and something shiny in the other hand,when I recovered from my heart attack, I realised it was my husband hissing at me to keep very still and not move. Mid life crisis flashed into my mind, I've pushed him too far with my unreasonable demands in the early hours I thought, perhaps I shouldn't of flicked his ear or held his nose until he woke up, then ask for coffee icecream or jellybabies at 3am. I was babbling away but all he said was slide down the bed, dont look up and slowly get up, so I immediately looked up and there not 2 inches from my face on the headboard was the biggest, hairiest spider I've ever seen, I could see his evil grinning face, venom dripping from his fangs, he was rubbing his front paws together and I distinctly saw cutlery being brandished around, anyway I leapt from the bed tried to jump into my husbands arms, whereupon he sidestepped and I fell into a chair ( he later said catching me would of been like catching a demented, overweight, athritic Shamu and he valued his back too much, he has and will pay for that remark!!).
Anyway, the shiny thing turned out to be a glass, and after much chasing he eventually cornered the beast and caught him, he was going to empty him into the garden, but I made him go at least 200 yrds up the road to empty him out ( here I would like to apologise to the residents of Devon, if you saw a 6ft 4 man dressed in a white fluffy dressing gown meant for a 5ft 2 woman, wearing a pair of prescription sunglasses emptying something into your garden at 4am this morning, it was my husband and not a pervert )
Anyway after many pregnancy induced hormonal tears ( my husband saw nothing wrong in leaving me asleep in the same room as this mutant beast, whilst he spent 10 mins looking for a torch/glass/piece of cardboard, then waking me up waving a torch in my face ) he's now popping home at lunchtime with a bottle of illicit cherry coke and a red bounty bar, chinese has also been mentioned for tea. The advice I need is how far do I milk it, do I perhaps push for Indian tomorrow night for tea and maybe kfc thurs, could I possibly keep it going until the weekend, what would you do?
I have been traumatised, share my pain ( but not my takeaway's )