Uncle's 60th Birthday and my partner has not been invited - HotUKDeals
We use cookie files to improve site functionality and personalisation. By continuing to use HotUKDeals, you accept our cookie and privacy policy.
Get the HotUKDeals app free at Google Play

Search Error

An error occurred when searching, please try again!

Login / Sign UpSubmit

Uncle's 60th Birthday and my partner has not been invited

£0.00 @
It's my uncle's 60th birthday on Saturday and he's having a family meal in a hotel in Liverpool. He posted me an invite a couple of months back but for some reason didn't ask my girlfriend who I'v… Read More
Taksim_Red Avatar
7y, 6m agoPosted 7 years, 6 months ago
It's my uncle's 60th birthday on Saturday and he's having a family meal in a hotel in Liverpool.

He posted me an invite a couple of months back but for some reason didn't ask my girlfriend who I've lived with for almost two years now to come.

My uncle and his wife live in London so I don't see him very often. He's never met my girlfriend and knows practically nothing about her except for the fact that we live together. Infact with the exception of my mum and dad my other auntie is the only other member of my family to fleetingly meet her (we're just one of them kind of families who don't see each other much!) and they've always got on so he has no obvious reason to dislike her.

My mum and dad won't be attending the meal though as they fell out with my uncle after my granddad's death but I still seem him btw.

I thought it somewhat strange that he hasn't asked her and apparently his decision appears to be based on some kind of family generation hierarchy or something. There's probably a bit of money saving involved too but it's only a one off event and he certainly isn't skint either.

There was another family meal last year which he organised and my other uncle, who is in his 50's, was there with his new partner whilst myself (I'm 28yrs) and two of my younger cousins, who I presume both have partners, were all invited to come just by themselves. This year my older cousin (34yrs) who lives in Cheltenham will be there with his new partner as she got invited.

I then got a text from my uncle's wife on Thursday evening finally asking if my gf would like to come but this was only because my younger cousin Andrew had dropped out and they were looking for someone to fill the void.

I told my gf about it on Friday and she went mad. She wants to go but not as a second choice substitute so has turned the invitation down on principle. She's a very touchy person but to be honest I can't really blame her on this one and now she's demanding that I tell them where to stick their meal and go out with her on Saturday instead!

I'm totally undecided about what to do and most of all don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or let anybody down. The whole thing has driven a massive wedge between the two of us and we have been arguing about it non stop every night since the weekend. The atmosphere at home has become totally unbearable and is stressing the hell out of me!

OK I probably should have done something about it a little sooner but I didn't know how much it was going to upset her.

Would be interested in hearing your thoughts on what I should do.
Taksim_Red Avatar
7y, 6m agoPosted 7 years, 6 months ago
Options

All Comments

(41) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
Page:
suspended#1
Nope if i was her i would not go... and i would expect my partner not to go!

Like you said you live with her and see her everyday but hardly see your uncle so no love lost !
#2
I agree with the other two posters. He was very rude not to invite her in the first place, and she must be feeling very insulted. tbh your uncle doesn't sound very nice, your gf is much more important. Tell her that she is right, you will cancel the meal, and let her choose where you go on Saturday instead. If your uncle asks the reason youre not going, just politely tell him that as your gf was only invited due to someone dropping out, she would rather not go and therefore you wouldnt feel right going.

Good luck!
#3
Jumpingphil
I'd blow your uncle out and stick with your girlfriend.
:w00t: sounds bad :-D
#4
I think as its a one off occasion and they have now decided to fill the void, I dont think you should make a big deal about it. Get your gf to go cos it will be a proper introduction for her then for any other family get togethers. I would however, ask why one gf was invited and not others. I think you should just go and enjoy the event and your gf shouldnt be so serious about it, its not like you see them often and you have admitted that not many people have met her. Maybe its time for you to hold a do to properly introduce yourselves as partners and people will see you that way too. People who pay for these events do have the right to invite or not whomever they wish. Hope this puts another slant on things.
#5
i totally understand where your GF is coming from it must have hurt not being invited, you definitely should stay at home with her, her feelings count!!!
1 Like #6
id gotto party and give g/f the choice go with you or quit the moaning
#7
sounds to me like to me like your uncle is just being stubbon and he should be able to accept you and her as one so wouldnt bother going take her out give her a good night, at the end of the day you live with her and shes around you all the time (for a reason) so let your uncle enjoy his party with out you there but just dont tell him why or that will probs cause more probs just be ill or something, that way he cant be annoyed with you ether:thumbsup::thumbsup:
#8
I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.
#9
jamstaruk1972
id gotto party and give g/f the choice go with you or quit the moaning

Agreed!
#10
Get MWI and take her along.
#11
bernyrabbit
I think as its a one off occasion and they have now decided to fill the void, I dont think you should make a big deal about it. Get your gf to go cos it will be a proper introduction for her then for any other family get togethers. I would however, ask why one gf was invited and not others. I think you should just go and enjoy the event and your gf shouldnt be so serious about it, its not like you see them often and you have admitted that not many people have met her. Maybe its time for you to hold a do to properly introduce yourselves as partners and people will see you that way too. People who pay for these events do have the right to invite or not whomever they wish. Hope this puts another slant on things.



I completely agree with this poster. Your girlfriend should realise that it wasnt anything personal by the sounds of it. I think it was just a money thing to start with and at this time of the year everyone is spending like mad. This will give her an opportunity to shine - but if she doesnt go and they hear why - it could make them now form a bad opinion of her........and that will last for a long time.....even though I do understand why she doesnt want to go.

She will prob make a lot of new friends if she goes and will have a great time!
#12
[QUOTE=Lulu'sMammy]I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.[/QUOTE

no sorry gota disargree, you can pick your friends (or partners) but your stuck with you family
#13
Big T 721;7159862
[quote=Lulu'sMammy;7159838]I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.[/QUOTE

no sorry gota disargree, you can pick your friends (or partners) but your stuck with you family

Hence why you make more of a effort when family is involved.
#14
Lulu'sMammy;7159870
[quote=Big T 721]
Hence why you make more of a effort when family is involved.


yip- family are everything and will be there for u through thick and thin when u least expect it.
#15
Lulu'sMammy;7159870
[quote=Big T 721]
Hence why you make more of a effort when family is involved.


true but reading though the whole post it does sound kinda like shes been singled out and its a bit harsh, im just trying to imagene what it would be like there knowing you wernt really wanted, you see what i mean??
#16
bossyboots;7159889
[QUOTE=Lulu'sMammy]

yip- family are everything and will be there for u through thick and thin when u least expect it.


guess i just have a disfunkional family then cause mine are opersite to that completly lol
#17
I've tried and tried to persuade her to come but she's having none of it and I can understand her reasons.

She's the type that if she did ever meet them she'd certainly let her feelings known whereas I'm more reserved but I certainly wish I had a bit of her brassiness in me though!

I feel maybe I should ring them and fill them situation or at least let my thought's known on the night if do end up going.
#18
i would probably at least want to tell him where to stuff it and neither of you go. but if family is important to you, then i think you both should suck it up and go, because if they meet your girlfriend and like her, then it won't be a problem ever again. I've learned that people can often act like a jack ass without necessarily being tw*ts.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanlon\s_razor

I'm not sure I'd spend much on a gift tho.
#19
Life's too short for all this stuff.
I'm most in ageement with bernyrabbit and Bossy.
Invites/ not invites. Family is family. Do the right thing and both go - it'll be better to 'have opinions about the others' between the two of you anyway. The uncle's wife seems to be 'on your side'. If contacts are infrequent, they may not even know that you are in a permanent relationship.

G/F - it's not you personally ; they don't even know you. Stand by your man and go to the uncle thingy.
#20
Big T 721;7159862
[QUOTE=Lulu'sMammy]I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.[/QUOTE

no sorry gota disargree, you can pick your friends (or partners) but your stuck with you family


Absolutely agree. When I see this "blood's thicker than water" nonsense, I feel my hackles rise. You can't choose your family, however unbearable they are. How can an uncle matter more than one's life partner!

I would have said to suggest she just go along to be introduced properly to the family, but she was def. left out as he said his 34 yr old cousins NEW partner was invited.

The OP should tell all sides to his gf, ask if she'd still like to go, and if not, she can suggest what they do with their evening instead. She matters much more, and she is who he lives with.


ps. OP you said that your parents don't even talk to this uncle... kinda speaks volumes!
#21
tell your gf that they don't really know her at all, and that in 2 years, really you could have made a little more effort to introduce her to the family. and that while you feel that your uncle's behaviour was inapprorpriate, you really want to be able to get on as a family, and that it will become a much bigger problem if you don't fix it now.
#22
I think your girlfriends had a lucky escape :thumbsup:



who in the right mind wants to eat in liverpool :thinking:
#23
Lulu'sMammy

true but reading though the whole post it does sound kinda like shes been singled out and its a bit harsh, im just trying to imagene what it would be like there knowing you wernt really wanted, you see what i mean??


She's kind of been singled out in a way because I'm 28yrs and of the "younger" generation in our family. He's invited the partner's of the "older" generation in our family but two of my three cousins who are younger than me haven't had their partner's invited either. Whereas my elder cousin (34yrs and kind of mid generation) who is travelling up from down south has had his new partner invited.

Lulu'sMammy

yip- family are everything and will be there for u through thick and thin when u least expect it.


Not in our family. My mum and dad (and girlfriend I suppose to a certain extent) are the only ones who are they're for me through thick and thin. The rest of the family are just the ones that you see at Xmas and funerals!
#24
At the end of the day, if its gonna cause ruckus between you and your gf, then YOU have no choice do you?
You've said there is a hierarchy in the way that the family and OH have been invited so you know that it must be the way of your 'family' and you obviously understand this and its familiar, so your gf has not been singled out. But if you both choose to take umbrage, then the only course to go is with your feelings and if that means you are both insulted then dont go. But if you will suffer your gf wrath then you will have to make the call!
#25
Well why not ask your gf, if you was in the same situation as I am now, would you go? If she says 'no' hold her to it until the day it happens. Personally I would go.
#26
PraxxtorCruel
Well why not ask your gf, if you was in the same situation as I am now, would you go? If she says 'no' hold her to it until the day it happens. Personally I would go.


She keeps saying that if the boot was one the other foot she wouldn't go. But then again she's bound to say that anyway I suppose! ;-)
#27
I must be one lucky person then because my family are just that....FAMILY. I didn't say a partner shouldn't be less thought of than a family member, i think they should be regarded on a same level.
#28
If I were you, and hubby wasn't invited (and you're sure it's not an error) then neither of us would be going. We're a couple, I've never known anyone knowingly invite just one person of a couple... it's quite nasty really. Both, or neither.
#29
I would explain that it had upset my partner and explain that due to this I would not be attending either. If he only invited you alone because of money issues, then perhaps he should have booked somewhere cheaper so everyone could have attended!
I would have been narked from the beginning if my partner wasn't invited and would have explained to the Uncle when the invite arrived!
#30
To be honest, in your situation (this sort of thing happens quite often with us too actually, in fact my girlfriend is rarely invited and the one time she did meet my [dads side] family, they barely spoke to her [they rarely speak to me when I'm there too - more interested in my cousins and their children, blah]) I wouldn't go and would rather spend time with my girlfriend.

For family you rarely see anyway, I don't think they'd be overly bothered, aside from having an extra gap to fill. Since you see your OH daily, I'd rather keep that relationship a lot sweeter.
#31
Lulu'sMammy
I must be one lucky person then because my family are just that....FAMILY. I didn't say a partner shouldn't be less thought of than a family member, i think they should be regarded on a same level.


+1

Fortunately in our house, mother always makes sure we have room for my gf (where possible) in anything that would be worth involving her in (very little these days but anyway).

Although previously we did drop the ball by not asking her to come on a day trip with us - Then the next time, she said no 'cos she didn't want to anyway :x:thinking: Just likes to be asked :p
#32
bernyrabbit
I think as its a one off occasion and they have now decided to fill the void, I dont think you should make a big deal about it. Get your gf to go cos it will be a proper introduction for her then for any other family get togethers. I would however, ask why one gf was invited and not others. I think you should just go and enjoy the event and your gf shouldnt be so serious about it, its not like you see them often and you have admitted that not many people have met her. Maybe its time for you to hold a do to properly introduce yourselves as partners and people will see you that way too. People who pay for these events do have the right to invite or not whomever they wish. Hope this puts another slant on things.


I see your point, but sadly women don't think that way :p Too many feelings and principles etc.

Lulu'sMammy
I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.


Disagreed - Immediate blood I agree with, but if you rarely see (or communicate with) the extended family, then I don't think it's as important - You have to live with your parter, so rather than rock that boat, I'd rather mildly annoy the people I never see.
#33
Hi,

Did your Uncle intentionally not invite your girlfriend or was it a case that your girlfriend wasn't thought about?

If they haven't met her before maybe they are not aware of your relationship and in the long term if your relationship has a future with this girl then perhaps it would be better to meet the family now rather than later.

It might just be that your Uncle and Aunty just thought about the immediate family. Also now that my partner has been in my life for a long time it is just assumed he will be coming to family occasions.

I feel its been blown out of proportion and maybe your girlfriend has been a bit over sensitive. Don't let this cause trouble for your realtionship with your girlfriend or your family.

Do you want your girlfriend to go?
#34
Jumpingphil
I'd blow your uncle out and stick with your girlfriend.


+1
#35
Years ago when me and my hubby first got together his friend was getting married. It was about 8 months after we met and my hubby was to be best man.

They didn't invite me so about a month prior my hubby told him he would not be attending either and they'd need to find a new best man. They have hardly ever spoken since and that was about 23 years ago. I think they are divorced now!

I will always remember it because I am proud my OH told them to shove it.

My advice would be make a decision sharpish and stick to it. If you are not going to attend be honest with your uncle and tell him straight the reason why, do it in front of your OH too. Show her how much she means to you or not.

Good Luck
#36
To be honest, I think your girlfriend is totally in the wrong for trying to demand that you don't attend a family event, for whatever reason.

I agree that your uncle was out of order by not inviting her in the first place, and she has every right to say that she doesn't want to go, but she shouldn't be demanding that you don't go either, and it certainly shouldn't have turned into a massive argument. It should be your decision whether you go to the meal or not, and you should do what you think is right, not what you're being ordered to do. she sounds a little immature in my opinion.
#37
oh dear!!

If it was me I'd go with the complete intention of charming the lot of them and have em wondering how they ever managed without me....

But since your OH is peeved off about this, I doubt she's going to be understanding if you decide to go... whatever you go someone's gonna get mad....

If I were you I'd call the uncle and express much apology but omg, you've broken your arm/leg/neck and can't possibly be there and its SUCH a shame as you were so looking forward to it......... :p
#38
I think I'd be my usual blunt self and ring up with my apologies. Something along the lines of, 'We'd have loved to come, but wasn't invited initially, and seeing as how we've been together for ages/we're living together (pick one or insert similar) I think she's a bit upset/miffed about it. Yes I know you've invited her now, but only to fill a space, and I'm not sure that's going to make her very happy either. Thanks anyway, maybe next time yeah?'

Plus, if you're not going, you don't need to buy a pressie!!
banned#39
Whilst it was probably not good form to not invite your girlfriend, why not ask her to rise above the situation and attend. After all the family will all get to meet her and it will be a chance for her to shine.

Coming from a disjointed family myself, life is really too short to let these things fester.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
#40
Lulu'sMammy
I actually disagree, blood is thicker than water and one simple night out without the OH ain't going to kill anybody.
I also if i was her would turn the invite down on principle, but still they DID invite you and i think you should go.


Couldnt put it better :thumbsup:

Post a Comment

You don't need an account to leave a comment. Just enter your email address. We'll keep it private.

...OR log in with your social account

...OR comment using your social account

Thanks for your comment! Keep it up!
We just need to have a quick look and it will be live soon.
The community is happy to hear your opinion! Keep contributing!