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Universal truths

shanecr Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every man has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
shanecr Avatar
8y, 9m agoPosted 8 years, 9 months ago
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#1
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.


OMG i think that is true.
#2
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.


I AM that uncle.:lol:
#3
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.


That one made me laugh too ^^ :D
#4
shanecr
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.


True :lol:
1 Like #5
thats in the list of peter kay one liners (number twenty-eight)


:
Peter Kay's Universal Truths:

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8)You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

13) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

1Cool Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

23) You never ever run out of salt.

24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

2Cool Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

33) Bricks are horrible to carry.

34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
There are some good points there - I like 35




Already posted by Kelly-o-fanatic, July 07
#6
Benjimoron
thats in the list of peter kay one liners (number twenty-eight)


:
Peter Kay's Universal Truths:

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8)You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

10) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

11) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

12) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

13) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

14) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

15) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

16) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

17) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

1Cool Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

19) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

20) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

21) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

22) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

23) You never ever run out of salt.

24) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

25) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

26) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

27) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

2Cool Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

29) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

33) Bricks are horrible to carry.

34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
There are some good points there - I like 35




Already posted by Kelly-o-fanatic, July 07


Thanks for remembering! :-D
#7
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug

lol this is so true. worst pain imaginable, immediate curl up in fetal position lol:p
#8
masterruckus;1609995
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug lol this is so true. worst pain imaginable, immediate curl up in fetal position lol:p

Did this a few yrs back when I had 2 toddlers in bed, 1am
#9
masterruckus
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug

lol this is so true. worst pain imaginable, immediate curl up in fetal position lol:p


Nope, kneeling on the lid of a lego box (shaped like a giant lego piece) is! Mum did that while taking a photograph and chipped her kneecap. Mum was in agony and dad was asking her why she wasnt taking the photograph! Went and had an x-ray and found out she'd actually chipped her kneecap!
#10
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

I love that one.
:lol:
#11
Can anyone explain what number six means - I have had a few cans and am struggling
#12
number 5, oh the 80's, we owned a petrol station so it was also 7100553 and 71077345, the decade when red led digital watches were cool, and then calculator digital watches were the pinacle of cool and everything was Ace or Mega....and no 30...absolutely, oh man that smarts, even hard men get tears in their eyes!
#13
7100553 and 71077345,

God - I had to get my calculator on to work these out - what about 5318008
#14
what does 55378008 say in a calculator? i am far too drunk to find a calculator and stand on my head to read it upside down,.
#15
monkey.nut
Can anyone explain what number six means - I have had a few cans and am struggling


glad you're struggling too monkey nut!

I am having trouble with this and the Brits is causing me pain as well, can't work out who people are!
#16
blackpeppa
what does 55378008 say in a calculator? i am far too drunk to find a calculator and stand on my head to read it upside down,.


lol, when the room starts spinning see if you can shift the axis through 90 degrees that might help:thumbsup:
#17
talking of the 80's ...who has ever come home from school with drawing pins stuch in their sole of their shoes?

i have recently returned to teaching, after some years out with my family, I stood there, in front of my class refering to the blackboard!!!! the 2 support assisants were killing themselves, as we have whiteboards these days. Lost all credability from the kids that were listening.
#18
its BOOBLESS!!!!!
#19
monkey.nut
God - I had to get my calculator on to work these out - what about 5318008


When I was at school, it was....

There was a girl who was 13, she had a size 84 chest, but she wanted a 45. Went to the doctor, doctor said 0 (oh). Take these 2x but she took them 4x and ended up....

5318008


You typed all the numbers (and pressed the x key) when you were saying them

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